Intrusive thoughts

Been suffering for far as I remember. I'm 29 right now. Never got any help or talked to anyone in my lifetime until now. My family's idea on mental illness is morbid itself. These thoughts of harming others and sexuality never go away. I'm getting tired of this torment. It's starting to affect my health. My psychiatrist says it doesn't look like OCD, but will need to do more to diagnose. I'm going to be prescribed medication for my anxiety. Is there a chance it'll make my intrusive thoughts worse?

I don't see an edit button. Thanks for approving my thread.

I also left out information which I probably should of told my psychiatrist. I'll avoid certain things like knifes and other potential harmful items. I avoid other things as well like children, I want the least chance of a thought if I'm attracted to a child. I know I'm not a pedophile, however I want to avoid any thoughts. It's not the point of normal, they are constant and I obsess over them. I also suffer from depression so I can't tell when my suicidal thoughts are from intrusive thoughts or the depression.

I also left out that most of the time when I have an intrusive thought I would picture this one image, it's the same image every time. I didn't mention it because I didn't find it a "ritual" I find myself counting now instead, (It's easier, if that makes sense) replacing one thing with another isn't going to help. If you were ask me to stop doing either or I wouldn't able to do so.

I have no idea how I lived with this. I considered myself quite intelligent as a child, but I was stupid not for asking any help. I'm also a dumb adult, I should of known better. I guess life came back to bite me in the rear.

Thanks for listening to my story. I also thank you in advance if you helped me out and talked with me.

This sounds a lot like pure-o. Pure Obsessive OCD has some of the symptoms you've described, such as intrusions, and avoidance behaviour. I'd advise bringing up these things you've left out to your psychiatrist, as they could make all the difference in a diagnosis.

Wouldn't this be a mental ritual? I found it on another website I can source it if needed. It's not exactly what I think all the time, but pretty much.

•“I would never do that…but what if I do?…I don’t want to…but what if I secretly do?”

I got so used to it, it's second nature to me. It's not fully repeated in my mind, it's an instantaneous thought now. I also try to force the images with another image to suppress it.

I honestly think it started with me when I was younger. I always had this fear of throwing stuff out of the car window or where people couldn't get it. I would say to myself, "I'd never do that, I don't want to do it, but what if really did." It was crippling, I'd freeze with the item in my hand. Then harm and sexual obsessions plagued me. I suffered alone because of my parents idea on mental health. My dad saw anyone with a mental illness as crazy and my mom didn't understand them at all. Now, it's getting out of hand like before, but far worse. It seemed it just got worse and worse.

Honestly, I didn't even have to read the whole post to see that this shows Obsessive-Compulsive traits. I presume (you do not directly specify) that you have fears of being a paedophile? The chances are if you fear being a paedophile, you aren't a paedophile. Think of it this way: I'll presume you're heterosexual, although do correct me if I'm wrong. When you were first discovering your sexuality, probably in your 'tween' years, did you ever feel it was 'wrong'? Of course not! That's because sexuality is natural to people. The same way that desires for children are natural to paedophiles. If you wanted children in that way, you'd know it. OCD sufferers are unsure all the time, and that's what separates us from our sexuality fears.

I suffer from POCD, and I know how it is. I'm always unsure about whether I'm attracted to children, constantly testing, etc... but the truth is, if you were one, the chances are you wouldn't need to test.

Yes I'm heterosexual. I even had a homosexual experience that's when I discovered I wasn't homosexual. Yet I keep on questioning/testing on it. Same with the fear of being a pedophile. I know I'm not one because pedophiles actively search for children, instead I avoid them like the plague. Yet again it's the testing/questioning. All is the same for my obsession on the fear of harming others.

To me for this situation I think, I know what I am. However, I keep on testing it. I want the intrusive thoughts and questioning to go away.

To me for this situation I think, I know what I am. However, I keep on testing it. I want the intrusive thoughts and questioning to go away.

Well there you have it. A homosexual female wouldn't care about the thoughts of other females, the same way a pedophile wouldn't care about the thoughts of children. They like the thoughts, you explicitly say you want them to go away.

I'm not a psychiatrist, so I couldn't "diagnose" you. Plus, it's against the Psychforums rules for me to try, but as I say, I would definitely advise you bring up what you have discussed with me here, in particular the avoidance behaviour and the testing/questioning. I'm sure she'll consider it to be OCD after you've told her that. Aside from that, I wish you all the best, and do feel free to PM me any time you need support when are you next due to see your councillor/therapist/psychiatrist?

I'm male lol, I just like the name. therapist/counselor is on the 5th of February. Psychiatrist is April 10th. Wait times in this country are long but at least it doesn't cost me anything, other than the medication.

I'm on meds now and something weird happened. I had a thought and been tapping my fingers to the music I'm listening to. weird thing I've been doing it for long time can't even stop even when my arm and fingers hurt. i tried stopping, i just can't.

Edit: It stopped when my muscles gave out. I'm reading any threads that have trigger in the subject. Stupid me for testing myself.