Suffering from ROCD

Hello!

I am suffering from what I believe to be ROCD. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half, but for the past 6 months I have been constantly questioning every aspect of my relationship. A few examples being:

1. My feelings towards him.
2. If I am attracted to him.
3. His "flaws."
4. More recently, what I could be "missing out on."

This has ultimately caused this following:

1. Feeling anxious in his company.
2. Worrying when I am attracted to other men.
3. Pondering what it would be like with someone else.
4. Thinking about breaking up with him, even though the thought is devastating.
5. Lack of attraction, and so on.

I have a history of other anxious thoughts regarding my heath, my sexuality, the weather, and so on. I am a complete hypochondriac, but have been able to get over all of the things I have listed. ROCD, however, is still lingering.

Right before we were about to make 1 year, there was a period of time (around 2 months) where my boyfriend and I had broken up. After ROCD hit me, HOCD hit me as well, then a combination of both. I was on an emotional roller-coaster, and it lead to so much built up stress and anxiety in my relationship. So much to the point where he ended up breaking it off with me. I am 19 and he is 20, and I am well aware of how young I am, and how many options there are out there for me. I have heard it all from I am too young to know what love is to maybe he's just not the one for me. I am also well aware that the "honeymoon" phase of my relationship is over. The funny thing is though, that when we were broken up, I did enjoy the company of other guys and their conversation, because, let's be honest, it's very flattering. However, that did not stop me from missing my boyfriend. After about a month and a half into our breakup, we became friends again, then eventually worked our way back to where we are now.

We have an amazing relationship. We always have despite the period of time when my anxiety became to much for him and I to handle. Our short-lived breakup, however, ended up teaching both him and I a very valuable lesson about love and the trials of a relationship. Since then we have definitely grown individually and in our relationship. He is extremely supportive, and is so good to me. We have our fair share of arguments, but our relationship is not lacking any of the necessities (trust, compassion, etc.). It is completely healthy on so many levels, all except one. I can't help but to feel this distance from him a lot of the time. The constant questioning has really taken its toll on me. What I am looking for is some input on how to get through this. The idea of breaking up with him is extremely devastating to me for he is my best friend and a valuable part of my foundation. However, I am just repetitively thinking about what it would be like to be single again, or be with someone else who has certain characteristics in which he may be lacking (granted, I tend to completely over analyze). I am always pointing out silly flaws that are meaningless, and have stopped appreciating all of the wonderful qualities about him. I also question if I just got back with him because I was bored, or because I was a pushover. My thoughts just go in non-stop circles. Has anyone else been through something similar? If so, how are you working through it, or how did you get through it?

I have always has such a false idea of what love is, and because of that it has made me extremely superficial in my relationship. Since I'm not getting EXACTLY what I had pictured, it's like it's time to throw it all away, but I don't want to. I am working towards becoming a better person. I have been seeing a therapist for about 4 months now, and have been confiding in prayer to get me though this. These thoughts really are tormenting me. If anyone could give me some wise, helpful feedback it would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you so much for all of your time!

Any thoughts on this? Absolutely any opinions would help.

I know that I have ocd but I don't know if I have ROCD. But some of the things you said sound like me, but yeah I dont know if I have rocd. This is what I just posted here:


I definitely unfortunately have ocd but I'm not sure if I have relationship ocd. I sometimes wonder if I love my boyfriend when I feel less attracted to him if I feel he doesn't look as good sometimes, like in certain lighting. It may sound stupid but it's the case. I also dont feel 'lovey' then. Also, earlier today I felt like maybe I would be better off if I was with someone else. But I met a lot of jerks before him, and my boyfriend is a good guy who loves me and is good to me. I guess I am going to see what happens but feedback on this would be appreciated. Like, if any of you can relate to any of this. If you've been through anything like this and if you think it could possibly be ocd? I wasn't attracted to him at first, though. But sometimes when I look at him, I think he looks cute or sexy and then other times I don't think he looks as cute. I hope someone replies.

Just the fact that you posted on here makes me feel like you have Relationship OCD, and especially the fact that you said you have OCD. I'm not sure how your relationship is with your boyfriend (how long you've been together, if you're in love, etc.), but I can tell you that I have the "I wonder if I'd be happier with someone else." thought all the time. It's sort of awful for me, because my boyfriend I have been together for a year and a half and losing him would be very upsetting. I just can't rid myself of the thoughts and the constant questioning/worrying. I'd like to know more about your situation, but judging from what you said it seems as if we are experiencing the same/similar things.