HOCD HELP!RECOVERY

thanks...really thanks it means a lot to me...these days were the best...somehow i do control my ocd lately...and i think that the last thing i need to control is my porn addiction...i dont know if it has a relation with my ocd but i think that it is the best thing to quit. ill restructure my life and will find a girl whom i love...coz i never really had a relationship with girl...i dont know why but i am very conservative with relationships...i do love women ...and again thank you!

timtam wrote:thanks...really thanks it means a lot to me...these days were the best...somehow i do control my ocd lately...and i think that the last thing i need to control is my porn addiction...i dont know if it has a relation with my ocd but i think that it is the best thing to quit. ill restructure my life and will find a girl whom i love...coz i never really had a relationship with girl...i dont know why but i am very conservative with relationships...i do love women ...and again thank you!

How old are you again, if you don't mind me asking?

And honestly dude, to me, what type of porn do you watch? I don't think porn spikes me. Before the girl even gets naked, I get a hard on just looking at her and imagining I'm about to get it on with her, drives me wild (in a good way).

Today and yesterday, I had a bad spike. However I eased a bit. I tried testing myself by walking by a few guys and looking at them, I couldn't look for more than 2 seconds at the gym before turning away in ill disgust, then I tell myself "WOW really man? Why do this to yourself over things that aren't real". Then I laugh and tell myself I'm creative (must be I work in marketing).

Dude, I didn't have my first relationship until I was 20. However that didn't stop me from dating/sleeping around. When I was 7 years old, I tried kissing and inapropriately touching my female baby sitters breast. My friends called me Casanova through late high school and college because I always would take a girl home from a party. My first relationship lasted 6 months. I knew it wasn't anything serious so it didn't hit me as much when it ended.

Then I reverted back to my partying/dating hook up days until I was late 22 Got into a deep committed relationship and thought, wow could this be the one? Then all of a sudden, she ripped me. I think that had a lot to do with this OCD.

im 18 years old...my hocd started when i was 13 so my teenage years really was f*cked up...i can really feel the terror every day,minute, and second for 6 years and i dont how did i survive it up to this far...i do watch boy/girl and lesbian only and watched gay 1 time to test myself and didnt really like it...

i am no expert but based on my observations from myself i think porn really does have a relation with my ocd...because you see ocd is a very tricky disorder...it blends into your emotions and will tell you stupid stuffs...in my case when i masturbate ofcourse i will think about women right? so the moment i cum my pleasure with women is finished because i just masturbate...and again ocd is very tricky it will strike when you are very vulnerable..so after masturbation my mind will tell me "what if i like men?" and since i dont have lust for women because of masturbation, i will now start to worry...and now i will think like for the whole day that i am gay...but in reality i just got scared...there is nothing wrong with porn but the thing is our brain is not normal for now so i think masturbating will just make it worse...and again this is just my observation so right now i am quitting porn and its not easy


but remember everything ocd tells you is a lie and everything does feel real like the moment you test yourself from the gym...the thing that triggers ocd is fear...never fear!...so this is your scenario:
what you are doing is right going to the gym to be exposed with men...then your mind tells you "look at that guy he is cute muscular or whatever"...what you did was you tested yourself which is a no no...never test yourself coz you only ended up losing believe me...what you should have done was not to analyze the thought...tell your brain that "yeah he is cute and i am gay, there is nothing wrong with it"...the reason why we dont accept gayness is that we are afraid of being gay...admit it...i too admit i am scared of being gay because i dont want too...i am not telling you to be gay...what i want to say is accept the possiblity that you might be gay...and once you dont fear being gay those thoughts of ours will fade...the more you fight, the more you will be stucked to the thought...the more you stucked, the more you suffer...you are not gay just accept the possibility complete surrender...last night i was watching the latest episode of naruto shippuden and it reminds me of our disease i know you might find this childish but try to watch it here is the link

http://www.anime44.com/naruto-shippuden-episode-339

this is about the izanagi and izanami which corelates with our ocd...right there kabuto keeps on fighting the izanami and he never wins it loops infinitely...the only way to get out with that is to use izanagi...that is to accept just try to watch it and it will help you


remember i am no expert but ive been experiencing this for quite some time...what you need is not to fear...right now is the best time from my 6 years of ocd...i feel great and i think im in recovery...i am not yet completely healed..i am currently trying to be fit and will now try to court somebody....just dont fear and accept...i hope this helps