Is this HOCD? 25 years old help

Well, to sum this up. All my life, I dated several women and slept with many women as well. Never had anxiety until I developed it around when I was 23 years old and took a weight lifting supplement called Jack3d which started causing the anxiety and panic attacks.

That background above is just a summary of me. In January, I got out of a 1 1/2 year relationship with my Girl Friend. She told me I could not do "manly things" which kinda made me just brush off the shoulder. Ok. Cool. I was on the rebound after that break up and slept with 3 other women, 1 whom I liked but turned me away as a "Fling" and I accepted that. Around June, when this "fling" ended, I got hit on by not 1, but 2 gay people at work. Thats' fine, it didn't bother me. But the one kept staring, winking, and hitting on me for quite some time. That's when I started getting the anxiety, "is the reason I keep getting rejected long term by women is because they think I'm gay?". This spiked massive anxiety throughout my mind. Years of dating and sleeping with women and trying and searching for every public pick up line and where to hit on single women. Heck this was all in May i was coming up with these ideas and a month later, I'm questioning myself.

Thing is, I understand OCD is in all cases. Some people have it minor (washing hands, knock three times, odd/.even nubmers etc). But this is the first time I've experienced HOCD. I had the anxiety when I turned 23 but once I cleansed myself off those supplements that were pulled off the shelf because of the neorogical side effects, I was fine. I don't have a porn addiction and no it's not denial. I can go every day without porn present and past. Only times I ever watched it was when I was in the mood, like normal guys and watched straight heterosexual porn imagining I was the guy pleasuring the women.

To this date, I still get aroused by women. I used to use the thought of tables, chairs, and males to kill my arousal in situations where I was in public after fantasizing about a woman/gf/girl i was dating.

Now all of a sudden, I get spooked at the thought of being gay. I know I'm not gay, but these thoughts seem real. I came to the understanding that the "Groinal response" is just anxiety near a male because it does not seem like a satisfiying feeling down there, more fear. However, lately, I've been striking out on dates with women to the point, I think my mind wonders and says "am I not meant to be with a woman"? Not that I hate gay people or anything, but I've always found this unnatural to be with the same sex, even girl on girl I think is unnatural, when others find it mind blowing.

I just want to meet a good girl and settle down. But I need to nix these HOCD thoughts. Help?

Anyone out there with advice?

First of all, you can't just become gay because of an experience you had with some gay men. I'm gay, and ever since I was little I felt generally more affectionate towards males than females. When I was a teenager, the behinds of guys turned me on and gave me erections and I couldn't deny it.

There are two options you have...

One, you can find a way to calm yourself down and realize that you aren't gay and people don't just become gay. This takes either exposure therapy of visualizing yourself in sexual scenarios the way you fantasize about women, but only picturing men. If this only gives you a groinal response, but not a full blown erection, then you are not gay.

The other option is to lose the fears of being gay. There is nothing wrong with finding other men sexually attractive. More conservative, stuck up religious people would shun you, but they don't even try to understand anything but what their pastors and right wing political shows tell them. If you liked both men and women, you would be bisexual, not homosexual. Sexuality is a spectrum, and it isn't about what you find attractive, it is about your actions based on your attraction. For example, if a young adult finds a teenager attractive, there generally isn't anything abnormal about that biologically, but a sexual relationship would be illegal. If you can't in your mind enjoy the thought of being with another man, then don't date another man.

JackM678 wrote:First of all, you can't just become gay because of an experience you had with some gay men. I'm gay, and ever since I was little I felt generally more affectionate towards males than females. When I was a teenager, the behinds of guys turned me on and gave me erections and I couldn't deny it.

There are two options you have...

One, you can find a way to calm yourself down and realize that you aren't gay and people don't just become gay. This takes either exposure therapy of visualizing yourself in sexual scenarios the way you fantasize about women, but only picturing men. If this only gives you a groinal response, but not a full blown erection, then you are not gay.

The other option is to lose the fears of being gay. There is nothing wrong with finding other men sexually attractive. More conservative, stuck up religious people would shun you, but they don't even try to understand anything but what their pastors and right wing political shows tell them. If you liked both men and women, you would be bisexual, not homosexual. Sexuality is a spectrum, and it isn't about what you find attractive, it is about your actions based on your attraction. For example, if a young adult finds a teenager attractive, there generally isn't anything abnormal about that biologically, but a sexual relationship would be illegal. If you can't in your mind enjoy the thought of being with another man, then don't date another man.

Thank you sir. If I may ask, how old are you now? And the fact that I never found the same sex attractive sexually or emotionally, but started getting the "what if" questions, means I'm thinking way too much.

I have a friend who is gay and he said he always knew. Before he Came out when he was 21, he always avoided guy talk in college and hung out with girls for, well girl talk.

I think having a long term relationship and well, being rejected lately, has set me back thinking this stuff in my head. I did what you said and thought long and hard about not if I would be sexually attracted to another man, but emotionally/cuddling with one. I just don't/never seen it.

I'm 26 and felt I always knew there was something different about me but didn't know that was homosexuality.

The thought of checking out the girls never appealed to me. I can tell you for a fact that if you're 25 and just recently started having HOCD you are certainly not gay. It sounds to me it is more of the "what if" syndrome. Since I was about five years old I feared "what if I become a murderer someday?" This mainly was because of all that I heard on the news and saw in movies when I was really little about killers, being in prison, told that if you kill someone you go to hell, etc.

Some men may fear that being more into art and feminine things might make them gay. This is #######4 as even though gay people can generally be more feminine, this doesn't make up homosexuality. I'm into the arts, music, and theatre, but I'm also into sports. Gay people can be into masculine activities just as straight men can be into feminine activities.

Convincing yourself you're not gay would be most ideal, but I think the more realistic option would be to try to find out what it is about being gay that you would be so afraid of and losing those fears. If you get to the point where you can say, "So say I'm gay. So what? I'm still the same person regardless." Then that would not make you fear what if, because you already would know it wouldn't be so bad even if you were. If you don't have recurring fantasies about being with men, or picture yourself in some sort of sexual contact with a man, then you are not gay.

Yeah, I've never even once fantisized about being with a man before any of this HOCD came about 5 months ago. Always was dating women. I still am. Talking with a massuese the other day that I met, I got an erection just thinking of her giving me a massage and what would follow after that. Hugging this girl I dated last week, and looking at her butt which was great gave me an erection and I was psyched.

I think a lot of these What if Fears dates back to my horrendous break up in February. It';s not the Girl. I'm over her. It's how it ended. One day she said marriage. Then the next: she wanted to end things because she couldnt think I could provide for her, do manly things, etc. She had anxiety disorder, so who knows what/where her mind was. But I rebounded with a beutiful girl. That ended and I got a bit down in the dumps. I think when things weren't all exciting down below the belt after all that, I started thinking, "what If I'm gay" after that guy hit on me. I NEVER wanted to take action and pursuit. I still don't. The fear just spikes time to time.

You helped me a lot today. Better than the psychologist I talked too. He just recommended drugs and gave me 3 different answers that felt uncomfortable after he made me feel better, he made me feel worse.

You don't just become gay after fearing it. It is a process that takes course over time.

You're not gay, and even if you were, it would be okay and perfectly natural. Just have a couple beers, relax, and move forward. Stay secure in knowing what you are sexually, and if people think you're gay or they try and make you think you are, you'll be secure enough to not be bothered by what they think.

If someone says a joke to you that you're gay, you can either laugh it off, or say something such as, "I don't have any problem with gays, but I'm into women." Nothing will make them harass you more than if you get defensive over them joking around calling you gay. They will either think you're homophobic which is becoming very frowned upon in society now, especially in liberal areas, or they will think you're in the closet and insecure. Don't be afraid to have an affectionate feeling for another man as well. Affection can take place for people of any time, friends or family. Enjoying close male bonding isn't an indicator of homosexuality.

Yeah, I think a lot of this is my fear of loneliness. I was perfectly fine and happy. The past 2 girls I've tried to pursue, it didn't work out. Now I'm finding myself spiking again.

I have no intimate feelings for men. It's more of "what if someday, I get married and suddenly turn gay" or if I FINALLY find the right girl, what if I turn gay". Stuff like that. I try thinking about it. Nope, just can't see myself being intimate, cuddling with a man? No. It brings anxiety to me and makes me uncomfortable. When I'm with a woman, i'm happy. It's Naturual to me. Sleeping with a girl? I Enjoy Cuddling with her, having sex with her, kissing her touching her. Saying dirty things to her (yeah lol, TMI but I'm getting a point across here). I've always fantasized about women.

Part of me thinks I also am not young anymore and screwing around and sleeping around is something no one else is doing but me. And maybe my brain is telling me, settle to one girl.

I don't know. I just hate the spikes. I think it's when I'm down in the dumps I begin to think "What if"?

If you're 25 and you have always been this way, it is never going to change. People don't just wake up one day and start finding the same gender sexually attractive. Rest assured. Even practices of conversion therapy to attempt to change sexual orientations have been condemned by the APA because you simply cannot change the orientation of someone's sexuality. Even Ex-Gay Ministries for religions don't change people's inner sexual desires, they just attempt to change their behavior. However, it is the same concept with heterosexuality. The what-if thoughts are irrational and borderline insanity. You're not gonna change, so don't freak out about it so much.

postbreakupstruggles wrote:Well, to sum this up. All my life, I dated several women and slept with many women as well. Never had anxiety until I developed it around when I was 23 years old and took a weight lifting supplement called Jack3d which started causing the anxiety and panic attacks.

That background above is just a summary of me. In January, I got out of a 1 1/2 year relationship with my Girl Friend. She told me I could not do "manly things" which kinda made me just brush off the shoulder. Ok. Cool. I was on the rebound after that break up and slept with 3 other women, 1 whom I liked but turned me away as a "Fling" and I accepted that. Around June, when this "fling" ended, I got hit on by not 1, but 2 gay people at work. Thats' fine, it didn't bother me. But the one kept staring, winking, and hitting on me for quite some time. That's when I started getting the anxiety, "is the reason I keep getting rejected long term by women is because they think I'm gay?". This spiked massive anxiety throughout my mind. Years of dating and sleeping with women and trying and searching for every public pick up line and where to hit on single women. Heck this was all in May i was coming up with these ideas and a month later, I'm questioning myself.

Thing is, I understand OCD is in all cases. Some people have it minor (washing hands, knock three times, odd/.even nubmers etc). But this is the first time I've experienced HOCD. I had the anxiety when I turned 23 but once I cleansed myself off those supplements that were pulled off the shelf because of the neorogical side effects, I was fine. I don't have a porn addiction and no it's not denial. I can go every day without porn present and past. Only times I ever watched it was when I was in the mood, like normal guys and watched straight heterosexual porn imagining I was the guy pleasuring the women.

To this date, I still get aroused by women. I used to use the thought of tables, chairs, and males to kill my arousal in situations where I was in public after fantasizing about a woman/gf/girl i was dating.

Now all of a sudden, I get spooked at the thought of being gay. I know I'm not gay, but these thoughts seem real. I came to the understanding that the "Groinal response" is just anxiety near a male because it does not seem like a satisfiying feeling down there, more fear. However, lately, I've been striking out on dates with women to the point, I think my mind wonders and says "am I not meant to be with a woman"? Not that I hate gay people or anything, but I've always found this unnatural to be with the same sex, even girl on girl I think is unnatural, when others find it mind blowing.

I just want to meet a good girl and settle down. But I need to nix these HOCD thoughts. Help?

Women don't reject men because they think they are gay, what gave you such a strange idea? Women have always liked good looking gay men and they are often totally clueless that the men they like are gay. Women will choose to believe that any man presenting himself as straight is in fact straight if he seems like a winner/good catch to them. Women don't throw away their dream guy over some paranoia that he's gay if he has done nothing that overtly screams GAY.

However, I think your excessive actions of having sex with so many women as though you are trying to prove how manly you are is exactly what a gay person in denial would do. I've known a lot of guys who were "players" and who scored with women by the dozens only for them to wake up one day and admit they were gay. Having sex with a bunch of women does not make you straight, sexual attraction and desire originates in your mind. If you are truly straight you don't have to prove anything.