Pedophilia or POCD?

Hello.
I am 17 years old, and for the past year or so I've been having some issues with mental health, and I've grown so distressed over it I feel as though I need to get some advice.
To start, I have not been diagnosed with any mental disorder, but there is a history of depression, manic depression, and OCD within my family. I had a great childhood and a fine adolescence, so I assume any problem I might possibly have stems from my genetics.
Throughout my life, I've always been a worrier. When I was little, I frequently thought of worst-case scenarios for different situations -- my mother dying in a car accident while going to get groceries, my father getting killed on a business trip, etc. -- and I always struggled to push them out of my head when they appeared.
As I grew older, my thoughts changed from external anxieties to internal. Instead of worrying about the world around me, I began to worry about myself, analyzing every aspect of my being and questioning my identity constantly.
For a while, I thought I was gay. I would look at different boys around me and try to discern if I felt any attraction to them, anything close to the emotions I felt about certain girls.
Eventually, that passed, and next I worried about being a psychopath, and later a sadist. Violent, disturbing images would manifest in my mind at random, and I had difficult forcing them out. I knew that I possessed at least some amount of empathy, but I perpetually attempted to compare my empathy to the empathy of others, wondering if I felt too little for the average person. I still have occasional trouble with these thoughts, but not nearly as often.
Lately, I've been questioning if I am a pedophile. I've always enjoyed spending time with kids, and I had never had a sexual thought about anyone more than a year or two younger than me until the last few months. It's similar to when I questioned my sexual orientation: when there's a little girl around me, I can't help but I look at her and see if I feel an attraction. When I'm not around a little girl, I'll think of one and see if I feel anything. The thing is, I've been doing this so continually I'm not sure of how I truly feel anymore.
I've never had a girlfriend, but I know I am attracted to girls my age. Most of my true sexual thoughts are those of women equal or greater than me in maturity. Like most boys, I like curvy women, and in any romantic pursuits maturity is a hugely important factor to me. But, still, I examine myself.
I don't mind smaller breasts, and I do have a preference for shorter women. I'll think a sexual thought about a child, and I don't feel revolt, even though I know it's bad to harbor these thoughts in the first place. I haven't masturbated to pictures of children or anything of that sort, but I've thought about it, and that eats me up inside. I think and think and question and never give myself any rest. I'll focus on a horrible thought and see if I attain an erection. Sometimes it happens, and sometimes it doesn't. I worry and worry and worry.
I've had a particularly bad day today in terms of my anxiety, and I could really use some assistance. If anyone needs more details about my life or situation, let me know.
Thank you.

My issues can be traced to the fine family tradition of mental anguish, especially on my mom's side, so it certainly can happen - but not always (my sister has rebelled and remained sane all of her life).

I can't tell you if you are Pedo or POCD. Even if I was a doctor I would need more info. But I understand how the pain of these kind of feelings can become so complex that it is hard to tell if you have true feelings for these things or maybe the anxiety is spinning you in circles.

As has been written so many times in these forums, the difference has to do with fear and desire. If one fears becoming something, doing something, etc but does not really want to be that thing or do that thing, then it might be anxiety driven. If one has desires to do something or become something, and has no qualms about it, in fact may see it as something good, then it may be something real.

See a doc. Tell all.

Otter.