OCD and Love

Hi, I'm going to try and keep this short and sweet. I was diagnosed with OCD about 10 years ago. My obsessions have varied: counting, health, HOCD, and now, relationships. I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 4 years; we're engaged actually.

There are a lot of changes going on in my life right now (and hers) (new job, new apartment, etc.), which is most likely making my OCD worse. At times I have thoughts like 'is she the one', etc.; pretty common with OCD from what I understand. Sometimes I think I should end it while others I think I should not; it's very draining to be in that mindset. I also tend to focus on my gf's negative qualities (bad, I know), which is definitely not healthy. Sometimes I think she'd be better off without me and my OCD.

She seems to think that I'm using my OCD as an excuse to not committing (I'm a bit afraid of getting married). But she said she'd attempt to read more about the condition but I feel like she won't understand enough to be able to help (she has accompanied me to a few counselor sessions, which I did appreciate).

She's going through family issues in addition to this, which has also put an added strain on our relationship. She said I'm not there enough for her with that, and I do feel she's right; sometimes my OCD is too much and I can come off as uncaring.

Not as short and sweet as I'd hoped for but do you have any advice for me or for my girlfriend that I can pass along? Thank you so much!

I'm not very good with advice, but I do know that people without OCD seem to think (and try) to understand what it's like, but they truly don't. They understand it's an anxiety disorder, that it's stressful and time consuming etc., but not to what extent and that we can not actually just switch it off and go back to our everyday routine. It's there every day, all day. When we wake up in the morning, while we're at work, while we're driving, when we eat etc.

Personally, I've also come across in relationships as 'uncaring' as well, and only after I read this post did I realise that maybe it's not me being a horrible, selfish, uncaring person, but maybe it's an effect of my quite severe OCD and stress and anxiety that comes from it.

I think it's great that your girlfriend is trying to understand what you're going through everyday and is willing to help you through it. I still think that it may take her a while, and maybe a bit of insight, and deep conversation about how OCD affects you, for her to start to realise the extent of what you're going for.

I also think you should take some time to sit down and decide what thoughts are really yours, and what thoughts are actually the roots of your anxiety. It can be hard to figure out, and also stressful, but if you try your best not to stress yourself out doing it, you will figure it out and it will relieve a lot of stress.

I hope all goes well!