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by proofreader30 » Fri Jan 18, 2013 6:58 am
Hello, I'm Ken. I'm 18 and I am diagnosed wit h Pure o ocd last december. I've mostly fought off most kinds of intrusive thoughts but for the past week, Ive been having delusions that I am the only one alive and everyone around me are cpre programmed robots with no free will. Ive fought a battle of logic with that and sorta won. Theres also a thought in my mind which basically says that there's someone controlling me and that I'll slowly gocompletely crazy and with my analysis of my behavior, Im leaning towards believing it even thougj I know its completely impossible. The most pressing thing Im going through right now is apophenia. like Ill see a word and instantly give it a meaning ven though i know deep down that a word means nothing more than what it means. Confusing? ex: cat - a mammal, animal. well my brain treats it as an acronym and gives it a distressing definition connected to the delusion I mentioned beforehand. This doesnt app ly to only words but also shapes or spots I see. I just want it to stop cause I know what my mind conjures up makes no sense but my ocd counter argues with: "What if your 'controller' is causing you to feel this way thus making you unable to stop it?" It's like my logic's being tested. I know it's utterly ridiculous but I just can't stop. I don't want to attach meaning to anything and lose insight altogether :/ Do you think this is OCD or something more serious? As I was typing this, I couldn't help but wonder if the people who would respond are programmed to do so. I know that's dumb but I cant help it. Gah, I'm nuts. Help greatly needed.
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