You are not gay, it's Hocd, for all you sufferers.

A few days back i posted a post which in i stated i was pretty desperate and saw no way out anymore. Today i think i've made a great step towards conquering hocd and clear my head a bit more of all these fake, unrealistic and unwanted thoughts. In the last days i've read alot of Hocd posts on different forums and tried to understand what it does, why and how. Anyway i'm here to share an example of my story and hope i can reach out and help you people who are also suffering from hocd.

This is how i did it:
Yesterday i bought something online. after i purchased thoughts came up, you are gay,come out of the closet also gay images and such which i'm also part in, the thoughts said to me you should buy it again to remove the gayness. I did exactly what my thoughts didn't want. not buying it again( yes i also got ocd sometimes when buying things)

After that it was hard, my thoughts had basically epic battles between the gay crap in my head which i know ain't real and the real things that i know i'm straight. I also had a hard time falling asleep. Today hocd started again, thinking about i didn't repurchase and i must be gay now because i purchased it online had gay thoughts and images after, so i must be gay now. I told myself that it's just hocd and what hocd/ocd wants me to do is to buy it again, however it all ain't real.

No matter what hocd told me or showed me, i've tried to fight off hocd multiple times the last days and amazingly today, from morning to evening i didn't have much unwanted thoughts or a big headache. Whatever your thoughts tell you, it's all in your head. If you we're gay you wouldn't be afraid of being it, but afraid how people would treat you. I don't really care about how people would treat me even as a straight person if you don't like me there's the door, but even if i really was gay i wouldn't give 2 shits about what people think aswell. It's just that fact that im afraid of being or becoming it because it ain't me and those are two different things. Another thing is that when your thoughts saying your gay and you try to fight it off because ofcourse you don't feel right with it, and you say NO IM HETERO, and also keep checking and repeating thought about the straight things you did in the past etc, that's something you shouldn't do anymore, confirming that you're straight.

If you lived a straight life all your life, with no emotions or feelings towards men. That means you are not gay, it's just Hocd trying to control you dominate you, make you insecure while there's nothing to be afraid of, because it ain't real. They are thoughts, images and body signals created by fear.

The thing is that if you're gay you should have known it already in the past. If you were gay then you:
1. You wouldn't be afraid of being gay itself, but be more afraid of the fact how people for instance friends, family, people at work would treat you in the future. You would have had crushes on boys, relationships, fantasies, excitement when thinking about men and feel perfectly normal having those experiences. You wouldn't have been attracted emotionally and physically to women.

2. You wouldn't have battles in your head in which your thoughts saying you're gay and you keep confirming you are not when looking at your straight past. I said i'm gay a few times to myself but my thoughts immediatly fired back saying no you are not, you are a heterosexual. The thing is you are afraid of becoming or thinking you are gay because of fear. Real gay people never we're afraid of having gay thoughts or unwanted images or body signals. Really gay people love those thoughts and accept them because that's who they really are, they don't fear being gay, they aren't anxious, fearing or disgusted. As a straight person you want to fight it off, you're digusted, anxious, feared and keep confirming yourself and looking for ways to show yourself you aren't gay. See the difference?

You can't become gay from a unwanted images and gay thoughts which is created by fear and obsession after a purchase online. You can't become gay overnight. You can't become gay if you always been hetero, loved your straight life and loved women. If you really were gay you would have known it in the past. Simply by the fact that you would have felt emotionally and physically attracted to men and find it perfectly normal and loved having gay thoughts, images and fantasies.

Now that you have read the above, it could be like me that you still have unwanted thoughts. However what has changed for me is that i finally accepted that, those thoughts might be in my head but they have nothing to do with me. They're unwanted, they're not enjoyable and they are not real it is only hocd still trying to make you lose your mind. Fight it off, stop listening and accept you're straight, as you always have been.

As for i have seen today hocd becomes much and much less active and i hope at this rate it will go away. I know it's hard fighting it off, i've had hocd for few months now, but make the first step and start living again! Show yourself that you have the last word against hocd and be done with it for good.

I hope this helps all you hocd sufferers in some way

Goodluck and remember you aren’t gay, it’s Hocd.

Aguynamesanonymous.

thanks for reccomending this! It really helps me understand, I know I had HOCD, and now knowing how to react to checking, and not to check even in those times my mind begs me to is really helpful, because I now know what to do, and that I'm not alone with HOCD. I am a woman suffering this, like said on my post, and its been hard. I used to even dread waking up in the morning due to this. This is very clearly wrote, and I also love how you as a sufferer of HOCD are telling us how to beat it, because you know.

Hello Iam worried because iam young but iam still petrified that I might be gay.
So are you saying that because iam scared of it I can't be gay
NEED A REPLY

I replied in the other thread you posted to. But in case people read here because they have the same issue. I recommend looking at this thread as a starting point for figuring things out. obsessive-compulsive/topic103176.html

ive identified with most of the stuff on your post, however my HOCD has gotten really bad where it has effected my dreams and fantasies. where my brain is in a way making me think i like them. it scares me. I'd know if i was gay but it never had bothered me until now. i was always a curious when i was young but i had many crushes on celebrity guys even this lad at my old highschool and i even had a boyfriend and these questions not once poped up in my head, i loved having a boyfriend...but now im not so sure...idk if this is still HOCD or if i am actually gay