Being sociable.

Gawd, I can identify strongly with the people on the schizoid forum, even though I am primarily a narcissist, and still quite strongly ocd.

I was reading a thread there (on the spd forum) just now, about people enjoying being alone in their homes when their parents went away. It made me realise that some old behaviour of mine wasn't just down to that narcissistic spite of mine that I'm always banging on about.

In my late 20s, after dating a man for 5 years, I bought a flat, and invited him to live with me; I didn't want to, but knew that I 'ought' to. I knew that I'd hate it, and I did, and my narcissism came out strongly. Anyway, this man used to go back to his mom's at weekends, (he played in a band, and his mates lived in that area, quite a way away.)

I loved it when he wasn't there. Naturally, my parents would have liked to visit me sometimes then, but I made it plain that I didn't want to see them. I liked their company, and got on well with them, (when the narcissism wasn't in evidence), but I was desperate to have the flat to myself, when my boyfriend wasn't there.

What I'm wondering is, how do you all feel about company, other than gaining 'narcissistic supply'? (Terrible term.) There are a few people whose company I enjoy, but they are aware that I need a lot of time alone. I'd be interested in reading your replies, thanks.

Outdoors time is for friends and people and family. Indoors time is mine and mine alone. It feels like an invasion to have others in my home.

And I should know , I live with my dad , but he goes out of town frequently (sometimes for 2 weeks) and I love it.

I can never be at peace if anyone is in my residence. Whether this was a 8,000sq foot mansion when I made money in the dot-com era, or a jail cell that was my life for several years.

I do not want anyone to see me in any condition other than the one that I show to the world. I have always lived alone at every opportunity and never let anyone spend the night that did not provide me with a sexual favor or something else of equal importance. Then their immediate departure before the sun rises is required.

I could never stand living at home growing up with my parents. I only felt at peace when everyone was gone from the house.

When I tell people that I have no interest in a relationship.. everyone always says 'Aren't you afraid of growing old alone? Don't you want someone that you care about to come home too? etc..'

The reasons they list.. are exactly the reason why I have no interest in ever having a relationship.

Hope you don't mind people with other/nonspecified pd dxes responding too. I have schizoid traits, don't know if I qualify for SPD itself, and find the SPD forum kinda... too stagnant, i think.

When living with family, I often feel the same as this about having people in the house, they piss me off and i just want them to leave me alone. Its like when they come anywhere near me I just wish they'd go away. I can deal with having friends around - I even shared a flat with one for a while, family is what I really seem to have a problem with.

I don't like them having strangers(whether strangers or their friends, just mean people they choose to have there) in their house either, that makes things worse. I don't want to put on a performance but I think it has been expected of me before. That message has been given out especially by them trying to hide my psychological problems and PD.

In my case its not to do with needing to present any perfect image to the outside world. The level I manage to function to in my own home (or anyone else's) is below what most people deem "acceptable". Its a lot more ###$ off, stop hassling me and leave me alone. But when I actually do live alone, though I'm kind of comfortable, everywhere is also just too quiet.

On one hand, I'd like to live somewhere where stuff went on and encouraged me to do more than keep my door shut. On the other hand, the people who are around me I do my best to avoid because they piss me off. I tend to feel like family try to control me and infringe on my personal space.

Growing old alone can't be that different from being shut away alone after suffering a breakdown and unable to take care of myself. If I accidentally die before I grow old, or have enough money to pay for somewhere suitable where I'll get food etc, I don't imagine my life would be that different, and possibly more adequate than it has been at times. I haven't got much of a chance to live it in the way I like and make the most of being young recently.

Realistically I'd just prefer to be able to kick all the problems and change that.

Thanks everybody - Katana, you're slightly different, aren't you, in that you seem to be happy with company generally, but not that of your family members, or their guests.

Do any of you (or any others) think that schizoidism might be a sort of 'baseline' condition, which other personality disorders overlay? I would have said that maybe the inability of narcissists and others to be themselves in public meant that the company of people who didn't really understand them was exhausting. But schizoids avoid company just because it doesn't interest them, primarily, rather than feeling driven or obliged to 'perform'.

funky wrote:Do any of you (or any others) think that schizoidism might be a sort of 'baseline' condition, which other personality disorders overlay? I would have said that maybe the inability of narcissists and others to be themselves in public meant that the company of people who didn't really understand them was exhausting. But schizoids avoid company just because it doesn't interest them, primarily, rather than feeling driven or obliged to 'perform'.

I certainly do not fit that criteria.

For over a decade, I did everything possible to be around company. I had parties every weekend with literally hundreds of people when I had my place on the waterfront.

I currently exist solely today for the admiration and attention from the company of hundreds of others I know and see out socially on the weekend and during the week occasionally as well.

I hate parties and gatherings and anything loud. I do not need to be around others to feel good. Other people bother me . There is a small percentage I like , and I see them twice or thrice a week. Anything more frequent and I'd get sick of them.

I like solitude and I like hanging out with a small group that I hand-picked. Regular people surprise me with their stupidity everyday.

the company of people who didn't really understand them was exhausting.

It's not that they don't understand me , they don't listen to reason and obsess about boring things and it just gets old after a while , I feel physically tired from all the nodding and the "ohh ,hmm" sounds I have to make.

If they were in my small group , I'd just tear them a new one , but it's not worth bothering with random people.

Since i consider my self to have something like SPD, i will reply that i do not care about socialization, i can handle it, but only if i think i must. Once in a while i would go out with people, but compared to others, that is very rare. Practically, i have better things to do then socialize, so why would i go and socialize when i have better things to do. I do not avoid social events, i just decline the invitation, i don't create lies or anything of that sort, to avoid it.

Also i agree with coloroftruthisgray, i only go out with people who i personally like. Which is very few, considering i don't try to like people in the first place.

Just giving some light on SPD.

The only conclusion that I can draw from this thread is that my theory that other pds may be built on a foundation of schizoidism is wrong. Svenska is strongly sociable, but for narcissistic reasons - once that has been gained, you want your home to yourself. Color, like you, there are a few people whose company I enjoy, but I need a lot of time alone. And Greatem, like you, I avoid social events in general.

So actually, there is an element for 3 of us of only wanting fairly limited social contact with the few people whom we like, and even for you, Svenska, it seems to be more about gaining narcissistic supply, (sorry, I dislike that term), than an enjoyment of company for its own sake. Other than 4 people, that (or necessity) is the only reason that I mix with people, as well.

So, on second thoughts, maybe my theory isn't so far wide of the mark.

I exist for admiration and attention. Because I did not receive any of this as a child, it is a wonderful feeling. The stimuli of having others admire me and compliment me on my looks, body, personality and other features is my sole use for existence currently. Before, it was power and influence through obvious signs of affluent wealth.

Once I am done with individuals, I absolutely require my own peace in my own residence. 80% of my time is spent alone and I absolutely cannot reside in the company of another individual, god forbid multiple individuals during this 80% of my life.

I as well choose my company. If anyone comes up to me in a social environment and talks to me and/or requests my attention, I immediately dismiss them as an invalid. I am the one to decide whom is in my life. I am the one to decide the time, the place and the circumstances. I do not have close friends. I usually meet up with individuals in my life on a social intimate basis once a month or so at most per person.

Occasionally if I am in the mood and an individual requests my company, I will join them.. albeit this is rare and maybe 5% of the time at most.

Basically, I run my life and choose who, when and what people are around under my conditions.
Others do not have the choice.

If they do not like it, they can leave my life. There are countless others that respect my boundaries.