does anyone care to explain NPD in their life?

like give a despcription on how your moods, personality, etc affect your life

thanks

forevergonee wrote:like give a despcription on how your moods, personality, etc affect your life

thanks

This is how I think through a lens that sees only my narcissistic self:

I have two concerns in life. My first concern is maintaining a perfect image in the eyes of people that I see as authority figures. I enjoy brown-nosing, sucking up to them, and mirroring them so I can eventually WIN. When around these people (bosses, coaches, doctors I am "shadowing" for med school, professors, faculty at school), I am perfect -- my manner is ingratiating, my charm is undeniable, and I am everything you ever wanted to be and more. If I feel it necessary, I will reveal an "inadequacy" or "insecurity" (whether real or made-up) to relate to him/her on a very human level. When these interactions take place, I ALWAYS HAVE A PLAN ahead of time, and a Plan B, and a Plan C. I go over what I will say 1000 times in my head. I NEED TO APPEAR PERFECT. I cannot have a casual relationship with you if I see you as an authority figure, and I will never feel comfortable around you, although you will think that I do. This is my game, I play it perfectly, and on a good day I am on autopilot, flying high, floating on illusory clouds of superiority, and surfing gentle waves of euphoria. It is an addiction and I am a junky. And if I do not get my fix of the admiration I desperately need and the respect I deserve, I feel like I am waiting on a long line.

My second concern is making other people think I am better than them. Authority figures do not fit in with the rest of the people that I interact with in this regard because I would never engage them in the abusive back-and-forth, debate-style, interrogative conservations that I have with others. I will strive to only talk about myself. I love talking about myself and what I am doing. If I deem it necessary, I will embellish the truth. I actually do a lot of different activities and occupy many leadership positions, so I do not have to tell outright lies to let you know how successful I am. In casual conversations, if I do not care much about you and you will never provide me with opportunities for self-advancement, I will engage you in pointless conversation that allows me to control you. I am a master manipulator and I often manipulate for no reason other than to assert my intellectual superiority (140 IQ) or to abuse you because I hate you because you are weak and do not live up to my insanely high standards. My favorite technique is to ask questions, wait for you to contradict yourself because my questions are impossible to effectively answer, and then call you out on it. Weak people (low IQ, physically disabled, weird, super-religious, impulsive, etc.) deserve to be crushed. Every waking moment is a competition that I need to win. Every interaction is a test that I must get a 100% on.

Pretending that I fit in, and I'm normal.

Pretending that I'm nice. I need to be seen this way, even though I know it's sometimes untrue. It's as if I need to prove it to myself, as well as other people, even if it's skin deep.