Feeling superior.

When I asked my therapist why he thought I'd been spiteful in the past, he said that it might have been in order to feel superior.

Other narcissists - do you think that this is pretty much the surface motive for all of our narcissistic behaviour? Is this what is meant by our narcissistic ego? I mean, if you thought that you were fantastic at something, but so was everyone else, you wouldn't be feeling superior. You have to believe that you're better than everyone else.

Then, if we felt good about ourselves at heart, we wouldn't need to feel superior. So we must need to feel superior because we don't have genuine self esteem.

I am talking about narcissists who aren't self aware.

Also, I'm not writing anything that isn't already known, but I'm just thinking aloud.

Possibly what prompted this is that twice today, I've found myself giving people disapproving stares, which weren't really deserved, and I want to stop being sanctimonious. Maybe disapproving was a way of feeling morally superior.

I'm not putting myself down to try to get sympathy, I really am just thinking aloud, and getting this stuff down whilst it's in my mind.

I'm never openly spiteful towards people , but when I'm spiteful it's usually because they've gotten something I think I deserve. I don't like being the second best at anything. And I will punish myself and make absolutely sure that I never come second at that particular thing again.

If I do come second at some point , well , I just go crazy quietly.

Our egos come from entitlement which comes from narcisstic supply.

color, it doesn't sound, then, as if you are motivated by wanting to feel superior, but rather by being the best through honest achievement.

And Maenad, you don't need to put people down in order to feel superior, then, you just feel that you deserve to have what you want; is that right?

I don't know where I'm going with this thread! I used to feel innately superior, even though I'd cheerfully admit to being crap at lots of things. I like to think that I no longer feel superior, but in some ways I still do, really, and I still give people disapproving looks - I want to stop that.

color, it doesn't sound, then, as if you are motivated by wanting to feel superior, but rather by being the best through honest achievement.

Well , it would be completely illogical of me to think I could be the best without hard work and effort. I'm a weird Narcissist , by the way.

color, I think that what I meant was that you want to be the best sort of for yourself, rather than in order to feel superior to other people. Yes, I know what I mean now! You want to be the best at whatever it is, for your own satisfaction, rather than in order to look down on other people/feel innately superior to them.

I told you that I didn't know where I was going with this thread!

By the way, you do seem to be a strange sort of narcissist, in the nicest possible way! I don't imagine that you have that 'mask' that a lot of us talk about - I'd guess that the only thing that you hide from other people may be your true feelings (or lack of them) towards them. You seem to be very genuine - I know that we're all a lot more honest on here than in real life, but I don't imagine you being all that different with people whom you know.

Yeah , I want to be genuinely best at things because if I don't than I would lose the respect for myself and that would hurt my pride , my pride is everything to me , I don't think I would be able to live if I couldn't look myself in the mirror and see a person worthy of respect.

IRL , the people who I am intimate with know who I am , maybe not my true feelings but they have an idea of my personality , I use the mask for the people I don't know , because I love observing them , I wouldn't wanna spook them now ,would I?

But other than that , I don't have a mask really.

funky wrote:color, I think that what I meant was that you want to be the best sort of for yourself, rather than in order to feel superior to other people. Yes, I know what I mean now! You want to be the best at whatever it is, for your own satisfaction, rather than in order to look down on other people/feel innately superior to them.

This is kinda like the way it works for me, except the order is inverse. I feel unconditionally superior to others — which is obviously not a logical thing, but I do feel it. So, much of what I do (or at least much of what I have done in the past) amounts to a desperate attempt at bringing reality closer to this illusion. Sometimes through actions, but most of the time through convoluted ways of interpreting reality.

color - I'm pretty sure that you have the respect of everyone on this forum, and you sound as though you enjoy having a laugh as well, which is good.

anagram, I can identify quite well with what you wrote. I'm a covert narcissist, in many ways, and part of the description for covert narcissism states that, 'The grandiose desires are not matched by a conviction of personal efficacy.' I suppose that accounts for me writing earlier that I used to feel innately superior, even whilst cheerfully admitting that I was crap at a lot of things. (Not saying the same about you, though, you sound like someone who is capable of doing very well.)

I've never really had grandiose desires, I just used to feel incredibly attractive and intelligent!

I love using spitefulness to feel superior. Although I usually only get involved with things that I think I'll do well at. Then I can just sit back and snark at the less successful. It's just too much fun to be cruel.