Addiction/Dependance

Any other NPDers on this forum ever develop severe alcoholism and/or drug abuse/addiction?

I have been addicted to every drug including alcohol, but have been sober for almost 2 years and will never go back to drinking or doing drugs. Drugs and alcohol exacerbate the more antisocial, thrill-seeking tendencies I have to a very, very extreme degree -- almost to the point where I would feel compelled to break laws when under the influence of alcohol or other disinhibiting drugs. Getting off of all drugs (including cannabis) and all varieties of alcohol was the first step to digging myself out of the NPD hole I dug myself into. I am sure not every narcissist is an addict, but drug addiction was perhaps the most severe symptom of my personality disorder.

I'm not addicted to anything but I do have certain obsessions.

Superficial, I've had nothing like the problems that you've overcome, but I'm a bit strange with alcohol. I don't drink too much overall, but when I do drink, in company, I drink faster than everyone else, and don't stop when I should, so I end up embarrassing myself and the people I'm with. Even if I haven't embarrassed my companions, I've certainly made a fool of myself.

It's made for some funny stories in the past, but I don't know what people have thought privately, even when they've laughed.

funky wrote:Superficial, I've had nothing like the problems that you've overcome, but I'm a bit strange with alcohol. I don't drink too much overall, but when I do drink, in company, I drink faster than everyone else, and don't stop when I should, so I end up embarrassing myself and the people I'm with. Even if I haven't embarrassed my companions, I've certainly made a fool of myself.

It's made for some funny stories in the past, but I don't know what people have thought privately, even when they've laughed.

Yes, I was the same way. I don't know why it progresses for some and not others. My blackout times at first made for funny stories. Towards the last year or two of my drinking, they made for tales of horror, destruction, and despair.

The typical circumstance was to drink upwards of 1 L of hard alcohol and start to make sexual advances towards my girlfriend's friends. They would obviously tell her what was up and she would confront me. On a good night I would play it off as a joke. On a bad night I would lose total control and become physically violent and destructive.

I am not that person anymore.

I've been trying to find where I read this, but anyway, it does seem that a lack of self discipline is a feature of narcissism, as well as the self medicating aspect of substance abuse.

I have the same relationship with food - I want all of those chocolates! Now! Leave some for tomorrow? Are you mad?! And shopping - I want it! I'm thousands of pounds overdrawn? So what?

The concept of keeping a drinks cabinet stocked baffles me - I tried it once, but I'd finished the lot in quite a short time. So - nothing tempting in the house.

You've won a battle against a very strong addiction, and there must be plenty of occassions where you have to stay strong, so - I was going to say congratulations, but that sounds condescending - but anyway, I admire your willpower and strength of mind. Condescending or not - well done, really.

funky wrote:You've won a battle against a very strong addiction, and there must be plenty of occassions where you have to stay strong, so - I was going to say congratulations, but that sounds condescending - but anyway, I admire your willpower and strength of mind. Condescending or not - well done, really.

It's funny that you thought saying "congratulations" was condescending because it makes me CRAZY when people tell me that in regards to my history with substance dependence! I'm not really sure why. I try to play it off like it was really easy and it means nothing to me (trying to portray omnipotence). I think I take it as criticism even -- almost as if anyone congratulating me is telling me that I am such a "bad" person deep down I need to be congratulated for doing the right thing. Obviously this is all in my head!

But thank you. It was the hardest thing, and it turns out that the drug and alcohol use was not the primary issue. NPD was and is. I reassure every narcissist on this forum of this: YOU CAN CHANGE. But only for yourself and only if you really want to. I had to hit an incredibly low point.