How long will supportive behavior last?

So, just a brief history. My husband and I are pretty basic textbook couple for NPD. We've had some rough time and we are coming up on 9 years together, most of them miserable in regards to the actual relationship. the first 5 years we fought and drove each other crazy, now the last 4 years we've lived apart.

So even though we've lived apart, we've still functioned in some ways as a couple. Right now, I live in japan and had been resisting moving back to the states because I didn't want to move into the same house with him again. So, I've decided taht *am* moving back to the states, but Ill be about 1,000 miles from my husband, going someplace he will never move to, but is my hometown. My goals are to plant some roots, and get myself set up so that I am making a full time income. ( I work now but do depend on my husband for financial support).

Everyone was encouraging me to be sneaky about it... to lie to him, etc. I understand why. He's done some things that are ... not very nice. People are worried about my well being. Instead I was just upfront with him. I said I was making the relationship a low priority. And I was going to work on making money and creating a home for our kids.

So, right now... I am really amazed because my husband is being extremely supportive. He is even willing to purchase a house in the area vs renting so that I can really settle down there. He tells me to 'do what I need to do.' He doesn't really have anything to gain by telling me that he's ok with all of this. I am the most pathetic supply on the planet.

All of this support of my needs is so new, and different... I'm a bit in shock. And frankly, I am kind of wondering when the other shoe will drop, how much time I have left of this kind of supportive behavior before it all goes back to how it was before.

i dont know but maybe the fact that that youve never asked him for a divorce and you are financially dependent upon him is enough for him?

my ex left his former wife of his own accord, but wanted to go by whenever he wanted and still stay "friends". She filed for divorce and went off with his best friend and he was livid. He didnt want her but didnt want divorce. She even left their kids with someone else to bring up so she didnt have to have a "connection" with him.

i wonder if youre husband would be so helpful to your needs if you asked for a divorce...

I actually told him at the start of this year that I was done and that the only reason I wasn't filing for divorce yet was because we hadn't done counseling yet. We have talked about officially divorcing, and we have also discussed separating. He said he's never cared about me (us), but is trying to do what's right now. He asked that I not file and give him time to work some things out. We started counseling... and things have been better in some ways, exactly the same in others.

I haven't told him I love him in ages... I haven't slept with him when we have been together.... so, he knows exactly how I feel.

I am financially dependent, sigh. Having been a self employed career woman for most of my adult life, then having kids later in life, that is hard for me to admit. But with three kids, I need help. He's bending over backwards to convince me that he's changed. I am so afraid that I will start to believe him... I know that isn't healthy from either perspective.

How long if the supportive behavior would last.
If he hasn't changed:

Once he gets you back into his claws?

You were away, now you are refreshingly new (supply)?

What's the something he wants to get from you now?

I am speculating here, is a divorce gonna cost him more? did he change after you mentioning divorce?

vermilion wrote:He asked that I not file and give him time to work some things out.

He's hiding his assets. Bet you the house he offers to buy you is in his name too. Divorce him before he has time to stash the cash...