Is he a NPD

Just trying to work out in the guy I have been going out with for 7 years is a NPD I used to think he had Aspergers? He talks constantly about himself, never asks how my day was, basically I fell like he does n't really know me or what Iike because he appears not intereted to know. For instance I was on Holidays with my family,he wont come, does n't want to upset Mum and he really did n't ask the whole 2 weeks I was away,? what did you do,
in fact he still has n't. But I listen with patience to him. He has never once said he loves me, not once!!!!! He has a home which he owns but rents out, and still lives at home with parents and sister. He is Greek by origin.(maybe that has something to do with it????!!!!)He does n't work, lives off the rent. Is very frugal with his money, but not mean, just does n't know what is important to spend it on. i.e. Birthdays are not important, going out, forget it!! you can always catch the movies on t.v. later!!!![/b]

Dear Spartan,
When you are in a relationship with an isolated introverted narcissist, or an asperger's type with narcissism,Puer Aeternis type, whatever you wish to call it, its like you describe. They use and suck off of others,( they expect it, in fact demand it with brat-fits if it isn't forthcoming, being so special and entitled is such a buden!) even as they tear them down behind their backs. Never mind that refugees and the mentally and physically disabled have to work, the narcissist Peter Pan is more entitled than they! They usually keep alot of secrets too which are vauguely hinted at to keep you ungrounded in an anxious never never land....two hours good, ten days bad endlessly repeating.
It will be a long road of healing, but after having my self esteem, financial life and psyche destroyed by such a person, a relationship very similar to the one you describe, I would suggest getting out. It won't get better. His family (as long as they give him what he wants- if not he'll dump them too) and above all and everything else HIMSELF will always and forever come before anyone and anything else. Think about years down the road if you are old and sick. Think about what if you actually could ever live with him.....you would be even more miserable. You have probably already lost friends, given up so much much of yourself. It will be hard to rebuild your life, but less hard now than later.

The vagueness, the cruel witholding of the things you most need or want are classic nacissism, and very painful. If he's smart (usually its just good photo-rote memory smart and not real true well rounded intelligence) he'll get you twisted up in a tangled confusing knot thinking you are the one who is screwed up. The only thing screwed up about you is that you have been isolated into his once charming and intimate world and then slowly eroded, disrespcted, and picked apart until you scarcely can know who you are anymore. Its traumatic and just like brain washing. It can make you act clingy and crazy when that isn't the real you at all.

I love this saying by the Jewish sage Hillel:
"If I am not for myself then who will be for me?, and if I am for myself alone, then what am I? and if not now, when?"

If you read it, my guess is you will examine yourself from the different angles presented. If your lover reads it, he will probably point out things about you, he won't see himself in it because , no matter what his 'label' is in psycho-babble, he is for himself alone, he isn't for you at all. 'If not now, when' isn't even within his ability to understand. He hardly has a self, just a cobbled together facsimile, and he doesn't and can't love you. You have given seven years of your life. Thats way enough! You aren't happy, you are in pain. It really is heartbreaking how many kind giving people get caught up with this type of person who will Never give back.

Be kind and gentle to yourself. I hope the rest of your life is good and you can get away from this damaging selfish person.
Sahar