drippy narcissism

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I have that problem. I never notice anyone else speaking unless I'm interested in what they're saying. For me, the whole not getting jokes thing doesn't apply. I can spot sarcasm and irony (if I can tell someone is a smart ass). Maybe you daydream alot, and spend too much time in your head, anxiously dreaming:)

I'm now seen as endearingly dippy and absent minded. So, other narcissists (or 'trait-ers') reading this, are any of you seen as incompetent or dozy/drippy/living in your own universe? I'm asking because, although some of you have admitted that you've had trouble holding down a job, non of you strike me as childish or immature.
(P.s. - I know this is a smokescreen for my grandiosity and pomposity, but the underlying lack of common sense and imcompetence is there - also anxiety - I'm never calm, and am often in headless chicken mode.)

gwyn

This describes my ex NPD. He was a drippy (spiteful) dud living in a world of his own. Unless it was the sound of his own voice he could hear, his eyes would quickly 'glaze over'.
Very infantile, he steadfastly refused to take any responsibility even to get him to flush the loo was a trauma, he would 'forget'
The endearingly dippy turns into totally irritating incompetence, absent mindedness turns into stupidity any partner ends up seething in silent angry frustration as they constantly have to 'think for them'.
They dare not bring up the issues with the narc because any perceived 'criticism' no matter how deserved will end up with N rage, and you being told how its all YOUR fault (they of course are perfect).

Its like looking after a truculent toddler, but this toddler ain't never gonna grown up.

Lack or realism, yes. I must be a trait-er.
It used to be called "contemplative" in the good old days when narcs ruled the world. It was seen as a good thing.
In my case it goes as far as a disdain for material things.
It becomes a problem when dealing with people who's identity is linked to the objects around them. They want every object around them to be at their total command, including you. Which causes frictions.

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gwyn wrote:Greatexpectations - a few relatives and exes of mine would sympathise with you. Didn't you reply to a thread I started a while back about narcissists & practical skills/housework/driving? More than your ex's lack of 'grown up' skills/laziness, though, was he immature in his general demeanour/speech? I'm not talking about anger or tantrums, but probably more when he was in a good mood.
Friggle and Oneliner, it sounds as if you can identify with the absent mindedness, but maybe less with the childishness? (Especially when you're in a relatively good mood.)

I wouldn't call it childishness, its more of a spoiled brat type of irritability, which most narcs tend to have anyway. When I'm in a good mood, I get very head-in-the-clouds, but still keep my feet on the ground. In essence I am kind of omnipotent:)

gwyn wrote:Greatexpectations - a few relatives and exes of mine would sympathise with you. Didn't you reply to a thread I started a while back about narcissists & practical skills/housework/driving? More than your ex's lack of 'grown up' skills/laziness, though, was he immature in his general demeanour/speech? I'm not talking about anger or tantrums, but probably more when he was in a good mood.
Friggle and Oneliner, it sounds as if you can identify with the absent mindedness, but maybe less with the childishness? (Especially when you're in a relatively good mood.)

It depends what you mean by childishness. I consider it as being self-centered. But a lot of people might say it is being celibate, or not having a permanent job, not having children, not doing this or that. It is one of those words that have a large back for everything you are not but others are. It can mean the same as "responsibility" which can also mean anything, like brushing your teeth three times a day, eating well, etc.
I simply don't have that materialist needs that the majority of the population has.

edited.

I never envy people. When you are God, your own perfection is sufficient.
Other reasons are because I do not have those interests of material and power, the other is that I know the price those people are paying for that. So even if I might be tempted, I choose not to. "Man does not live of bread alone". That is why I cannot live in community. Most people always strive for what I consider opulence.
As for the jokes, I try not to do any in the real world, unless I know the person. It saves misunderstandings. Even narcs have a bad sense of humor, they think everything is a personal attack. They are afraid you will discover their game.

gwyn wrote:I've occassionally seen this behaviour described in articles or by nons, but never by a narcissist on this forum. I lack common sense - I often mistake the meaning of what people say, or mishear it; I've even visually interpreted a picture as being of something it's not. (I don't mean in the sense of that man described in the book, "The man who mistook his wife for a hat.")
Until I read about narcissism, I often thought it was ironic that I had a big ego, yet lacked common sense, so I had to learn to send myself up, and laugh along with others.
I'm now seen as endearingly dippy and absent minded. So, other narcissists (or 'trait-ers') reading this, are any of you seen as incompetent or dozy/drippy/living in your own universe? I'm asking because, although some of you have admitted that you've had trouble holding down a job, non of you strike me as childish or immature.
(P.s. - I know this is a smokescreen for my grandiosity and pomposity, but the underlying lack of common sense and imcompetence is there - also anxiety - I'm never calm, and am often in headless chicken mode.)

Yeah definitely, I lack a lot of 'common' sense' (ironically I thought otherwise when younger) and it definitely comes out when people ask me to find something or even to follow out a simple task. Same goes with being seen as living in my own universe/being incompetent - It'd be hard to follow what my ex girlfriend was saying, especially when doing something else at the same time (like being on the internet or watching television) and in hindsight, it looks very ignorant but I find it really hard to do two things at once. I don't really know anybody else who struggles with it really - good thing really, less narcissists in the world!

I was talking to my therapist about this the other day about something similar to this, like how during english literature lessons at school i'd misinterpret everything - I could stick knowledge into text and use some random knowledge (talking about colonialism sticks out as an example) but when it came to how certain characters would feel and their emotions towards others. I would be entirely oblivious to all of it - She thought it was maybe because I wasn't too good at english-related subjects (I am poor at english, honestly - it took seven months of geography essays to bring my english up to an alright standard). If people give me pointers I tend to be alright, being able to do some things and can occasionally being even to complete some tasks. It's funny though, I can remember being like this most of my life - almost being unable to use my own intuition to do stuff (remember my dad flipping out when he tried to teach me the time as a kid, because I 'couldn't get it'. Maybe it's linked to a lack of creativity that narcissists have?

I'm lucky when it comes to a job, because I work for my parents in their pub - they can't exactly fire me, but i'm not the hardest working member of staff either and they have fired other staff for being incompetent (mine tends to be either popping upstairs on the internet or going out for a crafty cigarette, although I mostly do this when its quiet but will do if I'm uber stressed) and sometimes I won't even finish a complete work shift, despite earning my entire shift wage.

A few people do say I'm pretty childish though, suppose you'd have to see me a few times to notice how my initial 'good impressions' often fade away and people dislike me after a certain time for whatever reason (spoilt, immature or even mardy). But when I try to act like an adult or not get my own way, I do get very fustrated and will try to manipulate the outcome further (but i'm not really the malicious type though - no where near as vindictive or abusive as I was when younger, but maybe thats just me being more self-aware. Whatevers.