Devalue, discard, then..."you do not exist"! .....

Well, the you "do not exist" topic was brought up momentarily in a different thread, but I wanted some more view points on this....

Is it a type of dissociating?... Do you do it purposefully? (chanting: you don't exist, you don't exist, ect" ....or does it just happen?

Also, what would your "primary" have to do for you to devalue them and ultimately discard?...then, they "don't exist"?...(what type of things?)

I would think that if you're married it would have to be a pretty big "slight" for you to go through this process, so how do you stop yourself from doing it???

If you've gone to the "you don't exist" stage...do you know who they are if someone brings up their name?... or have you somehow "completely" forgotten them ...like "who the hell are you???"...

Any thoughts appreciated
thanks

detach wrote:Well, the you "do not exist" topic was brought up momentarily in a different thread, but I wanted some more view points on this....

Is it a type of dissociating?... Do you do it purposefully? (chanting: you don't exist, you don't exist, ect" ....or does it just happen?

Thanks for bringing this up detach, it's something that's not very talked about around here, but is one of the main, characteristics of pathological narcissism. Not not a dissociation, but a reactionary defense mechanism meant to prevent oneself from being 'injured'. It's not that you don't exist, but it's that you mean nothing to us.

Also, what would your "primary" have to do for you to devalue them and ultimately discard?...then, they "don't exist"?...(what type of things?)

Could be something very little that we (ah $#%^, i'll stop with the we and talk about myself ---> which I really don't talk about too much, i just stick with pathological narcissism as a whole). see as a threat, or a slight in our direction. It could be something as little as the way a sentence was said, and we interperated it as you don't love us (ME!) anymore, or that you don't care about us as much as (I!) thought about you.

I would think that if you're married it would have to be a pretty big "slight" for you to go through this process, so how do you stop yourself from doing it???

I'm wondering if I'll ever get married, 1) because that is professing you love someone, and if they decide they don't love, like, care about me anymore, that is the ultimate narcissistic injury because it's hard to fake never caring about that person and 2) trust (related to one, yes, but it's on a different level).

If you've gone to the "you don't exist" stage...do you know who they are if someone brings up their name?... or have you somehow "completely" forgotten them ...like "who the hell are you???"...

Oh no, hate will always be the primary emotion when that name is brought up. It's never a true forget, it's like a true hate.

NotMyUsualUserName wrote: Not not a dissociation, but a reactionary defense mechanism meant to prevent oneself from being 'injured'. It's not that you don't exist, but it's that you mean nothing to us.

Okay, that makes sense!...
Funny cuz if I was ever hurt by someone and I told my "N" sister she would say.. "they mean NOTHING, absolutely NOTHING...so don't even think about them again"..... This was before I knew she was an N and I was like... "what are you talking about that's my friend of course she "means" something and she's not ...NOTHING...to me?" But now I see that she did that and thought it was perfectly acceptable for me to do also.

NotMyUsualUserName wrote:

If you've gone to the "you don't exist" stage...do you know who they are if someone brings up their name?... or have you somehow "completely" forgotten them ...like "who the hell are you???"...

Oh no, hate will always be the primary emotion when that name is brought up. It's never a true forget, it's like a true hate.

Aaahhh, I see...my brain can understand this, but couldn't fully understand the "you don't ACTUALLY exist"

Thanks so much for your reply!

Haha, yeah, we will claim that just to show how much we really don't care (sadly I hate to admit this fact, but it's obvious by the "you don't exist" fact that we (not just I here) really do care) but it's not something we will ever admit. In fact, even if you quote that sentence, I will call you a liar.

NotMyUsualUserName wrote:Haha, yeah, we will claim that just to show how much we really don't care (sadly I hate to admit this fact, but it's obvious by the "you don't exist" fact that we (not just I here) really do care) but it's not something we will ever admit. In fact, even if you quote that sentence, I will call you a liar.

LOL..

damn liars...

NotMyUsualUserName wrote:I'm wondering if I'll ever get married, 1) because that is professing you love someone,

Aww.... what a romantic you are.

You don't have to love someone to get married.

NMUN, it sounds like you're a narcissist who is fixated on the 'ideal love' concept? if so, does that make narcissistic injury all the more painful in your romantic relationships?

In my case devalue comes in relation to the injury and how much supply I get from that person. With someone I am an aquantince its immediate and to the slightest slight. With my ex-wife it was a slow process that started with her being idelized and ticked down slowly over the course of our relationship, when she got pregnant and gained weight it started speeding up, and after my son was born and she didn't have time for me it became almost immediate. I agree 100% with NMUN we don't care, like you are just a lamp in the room.. not caring to a degree I think normals will find difficult to understand.

Is it just me or is marriage a bit 'outdated'? Why ARE people still getting married:- I don't really get it?

And getting married without love? What's all that about?