Coping with the aftermath of an NPD parent as an adult

Hi

I have a neighbour who I was friendly with for about a year. She stopped talking to me about 2 years ago with no explanation at all. A lot of others have had the same experience with her.

She is just one of those ’difficult’ people. She has conflicts with parents of her kids’ friends, other neighbours, her sister, her parents, her parents in law etc, etc.

She had a huge fight one day with a guy who cut in front of her in the queue at McDonalds.

She has a incredibly caring husband and 4 nice kids. They don’t have a lot of money but she gets a lot of help from the state and friends. I even paid some bills for her, then watched her go off to Spain for 5 weeks in the summer.

Watching her from the outside, I decided that she spends all day every day looking for things to be offended by. I keep thinking, her life could be great she just needs a tiny attitude adjustment.

One day whilst she was out shopping, her husband rallied all the kids and did all the housework together then made lunch. When she came home, she was mortally insulted and decided he was implying that she wasn’t keeping up with the housework! The poor guy got her lunch thrown at him.

Reading all your posts has given me an insight into what may be going on with her. Up until now she’s just been perplexing to me. She’s an unhappy person with no obvious external reasons to be unhappy. She’s not in my life anymore, but I hear of her dramas from others and I continually wish I could forcibly put her in therapy for a week and then watch her and her family’s lives improve.

Makes me think everyone on this forum is lucky. PD’s & nons alike, we’re here because we have discovered the problem and are looking for answers.

arrested wrote:Reading all your posts has given me an insight into what may be going on with her. Up until now she’s just been perplexing to me. She’s an unhappy person with no obvious external reasons to be unhappy. She’s not in my life anymore, but I hear of her dramas from others and I continually wish I could forcibly put her in therapy for a week and then watch her and her family’s lives improve.

Even with therapy it's a long shot. I think the DSM IV criteria says "a fixed pattern of behaviour". Often, the fixed nature is overlooked.