Being college roommates with a NPD: experiences

I always knew my college roommate had a personality disorder. I couldn't pin point which one. Her actions were way beyond what a normal person would do. After reading this forum, I finally concluded that she has NPD with 1 or 2 HPD traits. She:

(1) Always told lies, mostly ones that aggrandized herself. Things she lied about included such things as how rich and famous her parents are (they're middle class professionals), her grades on exams, how smart she was, a guy I liked IMed her (false, I found out later), etc...

(2) Always digged for compliments. Things she said include: "Jeez, am I the only one with dressy clothes?" "Am I the only one who's debt free?" (when our social group was talking about student loans at dinner).

(3) Very baby-like. In fact, she called her self "Baby" and me "Aunty". Our other roommate was, "Mommy." And my boyfriend was "Uncle". How this fits in with NPD I just don't know. Tho a trait of HPD is being child-like.

(4) She always had to be better than everyone around her: in looks, in her family wealth, in boyfriends, smarts, etc...even to the point of lying and deceit and trying to cover up her tracks. She made other people feel worthless around her. It's not just a few white lies, it's like her entire being is devoted to deceiving others. Every other thing that came out of her mouth was either bragging about herself or fishing for compliments.

(5) She has a lot of clothes, makeup, and jewelery. This was to show everybody how rich she was and that she was better than everybody else. However, I don't know where she gets the money to buy her stuff. Her parents lived in a huge city and they're middle class professionals. Keeping in mind, we were at a prestigious school & there were a lot of really wealthy students around. For her to brag about her family wealth is laughable because it was so easy to pick apart her lies.

(5) Once, she failed an exam. She told the prof. it was because she had a stalker. She got a 2nd chance. These are the types of crap she pulls ALL the time.

(6) Also, she dumped her boyfriend she was seeing (she says to get someone better) but continues to flirt with him, IM him, and act like she might take him back in the future. Not sure what she's like around other guys, but another thing is that she always pretends to be oh so virtuous and saintly around her female friends, while doing all sorts of bad things on her own. This is an HPD trait I think.

Living with a NPD is hell on earth. I can't imagine anyone ever marrying them. They're just not normal. I mean we all have personality, and we can be competitive in some aspects. But this is SO way outta there.

Her every living breath was devoted to bragging and fishing for compliments. Everyone around her felt like crap. Living with her for one year was enough to scarr me for a long time in terms of self-esteem.

Yes, your self-esteem will have diminished, but you only flat-mated with her for 1 year. Imagine yourself married to one for over 20 years.....ewwwwwwwww.

Your self-esteem will return, and if you look at the silver lining that is within every experience we have in our lives you can make yourself stronger and wiser for having had the experience.

Her long term effect on you is controlled by YOU. The longer you consider yourself to have been damaged by her the more power you are allowing her to have over you. Be mindful of that.

I assume by your last paragraph you're out, so thank your lucky stars eh?

Take care.

Shivers wrote:

Her long term effect on you is controlled by YOU. The longer you consider yourself to have been damaged by her the more power you are allowing her to have over you. Be mindful of that.

Amen.

Hey, congratulations on figuring out what was going on and putting a name to it. Getting things clear in your mind is a big accomplishment.

Now maybe what remains--and I think I'm echoing Shivers here, although we express things differently--is to get clear of the experience emotionally.

In my experience, time will help with this, as will focusing your attention on friends and loved ones who are not personality-disordered. Therefore, my advice is to anchor yourself as firmly as possible to healthy, normal relationships and thought processes, to pull your frame of reference away from this person. If you still see yourself as she framed you, you will have a problem with self-esteem, but her frame is really messed up!

Things that also could help: books on positive thinking, books on dealing with/getting past people with PD, learning something new (whatever that may be), volunteering in some kind of charity ...