SUING N In Small Claims Court

Happy New Years! Thanks to many of you, I have been working hard to overcome my addiction to my N. It has been difficult but I
am getting through. I certainly wish each of you the best.

Quick question:


I want to take my former N to small claims courts to get money back. What type of reaction or precautions should I take?

Details:

Over the course of 2 years I gave gifts and loans to my N totaling approximately $20,000. I have documentation of $4,500.00 that I loaned to him to help him with his business. This was a verbal agreement. I told him he could take his time getting it back to me but to get it back to me by December 31st, 2007.

During this time I have been going through the discard and devalue stage with him. He broke off with me after I cut back on giving him money and started confronting him about other women.
He said I just would not listen or "Obey" when he told me to do something. He has been extremely deameaning and abusive in his response to me.

I plan to take him to small claims court. In response to my asking him to get the money back to me he told me to leave him the "F" alone. He just would not address the issue. He threatened to tell others that I stalked him and to notify my family and friends and our business colleagues about my harrassing him.

I countered by telling him that I would not allow him to intimidate me or threatened me just to get back money that he owed me and that if we could not work it about without my feeling intimidated or threatened that I would take my documentation to court and deal with him in our local small claims court.

I also told him that I would go the next step and contact his former girlfriend *( He also falsely accused him of stalking him) and the other 4 women that he had been involved with as witnesses if he continued in his smear campaign. I stopped calling him and talking with him all together and gave him 30 days to respond.

My N's daughter In-Law told me that he called her (she really likes me and knows that there is something wrong with him). And that he is really worried. She wants me to let up because she doesn't think that he has the money and that while she agrees with me that he should pay me back because her father in-law is corrupt in a lot of his dealings, especially with women, she thinks he needs a break because of his age.

I on the otherhand believe what you guys have been telling me hear on the board and that is once he discards a person there is no returning . And that he really doesn't care about me period or the fact that I have left even though I was very good to him. In my opinion, this may be one way that he can and should be held accountable for his actions even if he doesn't feel love or empathy. I am of the opinion that he does care and will respond to the loss of money. I read a few of your post about money and the N's relationship to money.

My N has taken me for granted and for the first time is taking me serious about something. This is the only way that I can gain some of my self respect back.

This board means a lot to me and I appreciate your help. Your responses have kept me breathing and feeling hopeful.

*( I found an old letter of his and he accused his ex girlfriend of stalking. What I have learned is that this is a pattern a tactic that he uses to keep his old or current girlfriends from going into his place of business when he in the process of dating another girl and does not want there to be any accidental meetings. He also picks fights to break off with one just long enough for him to do what he wants to do with the new girl friend long enough to decide if he is going to permanently drop the old girlfriend, or return to her. ) Now get this...he always tells the new girlfriend that the old girlfriend is having a difficult time letting go (this may or may not be true...but most often it is not). He warns her that she needs to know this just in case the old girlfriend shows up at his house while she is there. Mind you now, he does this to cover himself because he knows that he not told or given the old girlfriend sufficient notification that he has another girlfriend...thus the old girlfriend is left in shock and hurting because he in essence has been caught cheating. And I now know that he does this this way on purpose to retaliate when he his mad with the old girlfriend and wants to discard her in a revengeful way. WOW....what I am learning about the N. You guys need to collect these stories and do a movie!!!!!

Another side issue that I don't understand:


Over the holidays, he broke my heart by not spending the holidays with me and flat-out refused to spend Christmas with me. I knew better, but I was praying he would change his mind. He told me to move on and that we could just be friends. He does have another girl that he has been seeing but continously lies about this wanting me to believe he is just taking a break. He cussed me out when I told him that I thought he was being dishonest ( I do now suspect that this girl has dropped him quickly because of his control issues).

Nevertheless, my second question;

On Christmas, I was invited to my ex-husbands house to visit with him and former relatives of his that wanted to see me were in town. He and I are just friends. I was so surprised because my N was adamant about not being with me for Christmas and the holidays, but for some strange reason and out of the blue,
I ended up receiving 3 messages on my cell telephone from my N that day and then he e-mailed me telling me that he was out in my old neighborhood delivering pictures to a customer and saw my car at my ex's house. He "pointed-the-finger" at me. We were suppose to be working to rebuild our relationship, in spite of the fact that he wasn't going to be with me for Christmas. Now he tells me that I am never to call him again, stalk him, stop by his store or call his family again. And that he can see that I found someone to comfort me for Christmas since he could not be with him. I tried to call him to explain but he would not call me back. He made a faulty assumption that I was with my ex and that was not the case.

I can't understand how or why he would just stop communicating with me and falsely accuse me based on the appearance of a situation and NOT want to know the truth. He is/was playing head games...isn't he? But I don't understand why. He told me to move on and that he did not want a relationship with me outside of that as a friend, so why would he be upset or feign being upset?

THANKS FOR YOUR TIME, THOUGHTS, AND INPUT!

Something has gone wrong in this thread. I did respond, but the words showing above are not anything I wrote. Someone else's post has my info on it, and I'm not being allowed to edit it, either. Could whoever did write it please delete it and cut/paste it all into a new answer so it's clear who's who? I don't know nothin' 'bout taekwondo.