Not existing/ego death

I just wanted to ask if this is a "common" temporary symptom of lack of attention/supply in someone with vulnerable narcissism or NPD. Do you, or have you ever felt like without attention from others, your ego or fragile sense of self would just cease to exist? Leading to feelings of depersonalization, anxiety/panic, and fear. Also, what do you think would happen if this process somehow continued?

I guess this is aimed more at the vulnerable sub-group ("used grandiosity as a defense mechanism against shame, loneliness, and anxiety").

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Narcissis ... tification

It’s an interesting Theory but I think it’s unlikely someone with NPD or pathological narcissism would have the level of insight to make those connections. It does seem like I am trying to destroy myself a lot of times but I don’t understand what triggers it let alone how to classify it.

Immense anxiety, overwhelming helplessnessb and stupifying sense of looming calamity for no apparent reason.

While simultaneously being absolutely convinced that it is of my own doing yet feeling too helpless like its the whole world's doing.

It's led by having reached an absolute logical conclusion that people like me are not even worthy of existing, as knowing my underlying illwishing nature makes me have so much self-loathing inside that I feel as if like I would suck all the light out of the world if I could.

Ubinix800 wrote:I just wanted to ask if this is a "common" temporary symptom of lack of attention/supply in someone with vulnerable narcissism or NPD. Do you, or have you ever felt like without attention from others, your ego or fragile sense of self would just cease to exist? Leading to feelings of depersonalization, anxiety/panic, and fear. Also, what do you think would happen if this process somehow continued?

I dunno I live extremely withdrawn since a long time already, more like a schizoid. One could argue I'm in such a state of emptiness all the time but I think its a matter of definition mostly. From my end I dont have much understanding for the process of needing other people to define yourself.

Akuma, do you have any desire to socialize at all? Not for any sort of ‘narcissist supply’ but just for human interaction in general, which sometimes I wonder is all ‘supply really is just on a pathological level. I can go along Tim isolates just fine and I don’t really get lonely and don’t care to be bothered by other people generally, but I do socialize and do enjoy it depending on the occasion.

SoloZombie wrote:Akuma, do you have any desire to socialize at all? Not for any sort of ‘narcissist supply’ but just for human interaction in general, which sometimes I wonder is all ‘supply really is just on a pathological level. I can go along Tim isolates just fine and I don’t really get lonely and don’t care to be bothered by other people generally, but I do socialize and do enjoy it depending on the occasion.

Im very split in that regard. Overall a part of me desires to actually start living [normally], but it comes and goes and so far I have been unable to figure out what that means or how I would go about it. Last year I was wondering to start going bouldering (if thats the english word) for example and I managed to make two appointments, one of which was canceled cause the trainer became ill the other one I canceled and then I basically never even remembered it aside from my therapist mentioning it two sessions ago which made me very annoyed at him. Then again theres times like last friday where I get home in the evening from buying groceries for my grandma and havign been at the old house of an ex friend of mine, where I do feel like something essential is missing and where I am very - hm - unsatisfied? - with always going home to a empty apartment, and with my last close friendship being 20 years ago and all thats left is empty houses apparently. But loneliness itself is something I stopped feeling as a kid I think, so its very much up and down with lots of downs and not so many ups.

I mention feeling like something was missing in my life to my therapist, it’s the exact feeling I get but no matter what I do or try it never goes away, it never seems to be the right thing. My T seems to think it’s feeling of emptiness. I wouldn’t have described it that way but it’s something I can’t really put my finger on either.

Does it bear any resemblance to what was being discussed here:

narcissistic-personality/topic206297.html

It sounds like for me anyway it’s closer to what Akuma is describing. From what I know of it can be experienced in a few different ways. I never even made a connection to what I was feeling to feeling empty until she said it. It does make sense when I think about it though.

Can’t say I really understand the sensation of emptiness

This is probably the closest thing I experience
antisocial-personality/topic206576-40.html#p2181053
A kind of aggressive agitated boredom typically resulting from under stimulation or more frequently over control.