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Core values

Postby Kimera1 » Fri Feb 08, 2019 3:22 am

Inspired by an observation a poster made in another thread that we rarely discuss values here....

Values…..a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life.

1. Are values something that you spend any measurable amount of time considering? Either in yourself or in others?

2. Do you find it relatively easy to pin down your own core values, or is it more like nailing Jello to the wall? If the latter, is it a problem?

3. Are there one or two values that you place great importance on when sizing up others? You can define “others” (friend, spouse/partner, mentor, etc). Any that you particularly admire in others?

4. Are there one or two values that you place great importance on for yourself and your approach to life? How strongly do you believe they define you?

5. If people who knew you were to describe you, would they consistently name the characteristics you most value in yourself?

6. Have your values been relatively stable over time or do they ebb and flow with the tides?

7. Do you find that you generally behave in a way that’s consistent with your core values? If not, do the moments of inconsistency cause you to feel conflicted at any level?

8. Have you found yourself in a situation that made you question your core values? How did it go?
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Re: Core values

Postby SoloZombie » Fri Feb 08, 2019 8:32 pm

1. Are values something that you spend any measurable amount of time considering? Either in yourself or in others?

First of all these are really hard questions to answer, no I don’t spend much time thinking about it, I basically do what I feel is right in the situation at hand.

2. Do you find it relatively easy to pin down your own core values, or is it more like nailing Jello to the wall? If the latter, is it a problem?

No I couldn’t really rattle off a list if you cornered me and put me on the spot. Having time to think it I try not to be a liar and a thief, I’ve grown to hate thieves for a number of reasons. Even with that said, I still find myself lying to people if it makes the interaction go easier for me, but yet I don’t like being lied to...

3. Are there one or two values that you place great importance on when sizing up others? You can define “others” (friend, spouse/partner, mentor, etc). Any that you particularly admire in others?

Loyalty is huge, I hate rats, again truthfulness, and yes I’m aware I’m not always truthful myself, I’m a complicated critter.

4. Are there one or two values that you place great importance on for yourself and your approach to life? How strongly do you believe they define you?

I try to treat people with the respect I want from them, it defines me a great deal because if they do we get along great if not, I have an autistic like meltdown occasionally.

5. If people who knew you were to describe you, would they consistently name the characteristics you most value in yourself?

I honestly don’t know

6. Have your values been relatively stable over time or do they ebb and flow with the tides?

The have changed many times and drastically in some cases, I’ve always seen it as me evolving or growing as a person but it was from one extreme to the next in some cases.

7. Do you find that you generally behave in a way that’s consistent with your core values? If not, do the moments of inconsistency cause you to feel conflicted at any level?

I have had plenty of inconsistencies and no they usually don’t cause me conflict as I can justify just about anything to myself.

8. Have you found yourself in a situation that made you question your core values? How did it go?

My core values? No not exactly, specific circumstances yes, as I learn new facts or new information but I don’t usually try to redefine who my core person is, just individual things that sometimes add up to big changes.
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Re: Core values

Postby SoloZombie » Fri Feb 08, 2019 10:36 pm

Not one link to an online psychopath or narcissist test? Tsk tsk cutting against the grain
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Re: Core values

Postby Kimera1 » Fri Feb 08, 2019 10:47 pm

Z's cranky with me because I asked hard questions

8)
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Re: Core values

Postby SoloZombie » Sat Feb 09, 2019 12:18 am

Z. Is numero uno!
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Re: Core values

Postby Kimera1 » Sat Feb 09, 2019 1:12 am

SoloZombie wrote:2. Do you find it relatively easy to pin down your own core values, or is it more like nailing Jello to the wall? If the latter, is it a problem?

No I couldn’t really rattle off a list if you cornered me and put me on the spot.

Well…..I’m attempting to do exactly that. 8)

SoloZombie wrote: 3. Are there one or two values that you place great importance on when sizing up others? You can define “others” (friend, spouse/partner, mentor, etc). Any that you particularly admire in others?

Loyalty is huge, I hate rats, again truthfulness, and yes I’m aware I’m not always truthful myself, I’m a complicated critter.

When you say loyalty, are you thinking about anyone in particular? Friend, girlfriend, other? How is loyalty demonstrated? How do you reward it, or do you?

SoloZombie wrote: 4. Are there one or two values that you place great importance on for yourself and your approach to life? How strongly do you believe they define you?

I try to treat people with the respect I want from them, it defines me a great deal because if they do we get along great if not, I have an autistic like meltdown occasionally.

For what it’s worth, I view you as one of the more respectful posters here and I’ve never witnessed a meltdown – even when you’ve been challenged by someone behaving poorly.

SoloZombie wrote: 6. Have your values been relatively stable over time or do they ebb and flow with the tides?

The have changed many times and drastically in some cases, I’ve always seen it as me evolving or growing as a person but it was from one extreme to the next in some cases.

I’m not surprised by this. If you think about how you’ve acted over time instead of a belief system….can you pinpoint more consistency? E.g., always show up on time, finish what I started, always feed strays, hold myself accountable, always there for a friend…..blah blah blah.

Do you have a favorite beer? I thought you'd appreciate an easy question.
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Re: Core values

Postby Akuma » Sat Feb 09, 2019 8:36 am

Kimera1 wrote:Values…..a person's principles or standards of behavior; one's judgment of what is important in life.

1. Are values something that you spend any measurable amount of time considering? Either in yourself or in others?


No.

2. Do you find it relatively easy to pin down your own core values, or is it more like nailing Jello to the wall? If the latter, is it a problem?


I dont think I have many. Rationality, Reliability, Honesty and maybe Friendliness, altho the latter may be purely pathological tehe.

3. Are there one or two values that you place great importance on when sizing up others? You can define “others” (friend, spouse/partner, mentor, etc). Any that you particularly admire in others?


Sizin up others is more your territoory I think. I just dont care about people enough and barely notice them, less so their "values".

4. Are there one or two values that you place great importance on for yourself and your approach to life? How strongly do you believe they define you?


Im not sure I need definition. I could probably describe myself more in terms of absences than presences. Still though, not unexpectedly for you I assume, rationality is probably the one I tend to put the most weight on, altho I might not always be as rational as I like.

5. If people who knew you were to describe you, would they consistently name the characteristics you most value in yourself?


No. I Peopel describe me more in terms of positive, emotion-laden stuff, liek friendly, funny, helpful etc.

6. Have your values been relatively stable over time or do they ebb and flow with the tides?


They have been very different before I shut off. As a teenager I was still Christian adn my values were more akin to being a good Jesus-follower - at least at times.

7. Do you find that you generally behave in a way that’s consistent with your core values? If not, do the moments of inconsistency cause you to feel conflicted at any level?


I dont feel conflicts I think. I might feel annoyed and ambivalence or stress might show in hard-to-decipher somatic stuff. Yesterday for example - this isnt really about values I think but it connects to this somehow - I was on my way to my grandmother to buy grocries for her and I decied to go have a look at the house of a friend of mine who I was in love with 20 years ago, basically the last person I loved. When I entered the street I became incresingly vertigous, it was quite interesting because It just started and became stronger, stronger, stronger - at some point it just disappeared as spontaneous as it had appeared. Now vertigo can symbolize a lot of stuff, but keeping with the topic there is definitely an aspect of a "hole" and "not needing anyone" and "walkign alone in darkness", which would probably create confusion and conflict in les dissociated people.

8. Have you found yourself in a situation that made you question your core values? How did it go?


No. My values are the best!
dx: dissociative disorder + npd
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Re: Core values

Postby SoloZombie » Sat Feb 09, 2019 9:57 am

Loyalty is a trait for everyone, I don’t reward it really it’s just the only people I keep in my life.

I don’t have meltdowns on here too much, it’s more in real life. It doesn’t happen too often anymore but I could tell you a few stories :shock:

Beer, no I really don’t have a favorite, I go through phases with that too, I like micro brews but I always find a new one I like best.
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Re: Core values

Postby Greebo » Sun Feb 10, 2019 3:48 am

For what it’s worth I thought these were fairly easy

1. Are values something that you spend any measurable amount of time considering? Either in yourself or in others?

Principle is the core aspect of my decision making process provided that that they are relevant to the decision in question. It is something I think about frequently, less so at the moment as in my invalid state little I do is of consequence

2. Do you find it relatively easy to pin down your own core values, or is it more like nailing Jello to the wall? If the latter, is it a problem?

Pin down in what sense? Can I reel them off as a comprehensive codified list like the Ten Commandments? Probably not.

It’s more like a common law system, ingrained principles/concepts adapted and refined by experience and consideration. Trying to compress down the entirety of my thought on every matter to explain it all simply and comprehensively to someone else would be unrealistic.

On the other hand if you mean do I know what I believe and can I list a couple off the top of my head with a high degree of confidence? Then yes.

3. Are there one or two values that you place great importance on when sizing up others? You can define “others” (friend, spouse/partner, mentor, etc). Any that you particularly admire in others?

I’m not entirely certain what you mean by ‘values’ in this context.

I’m probably more likely to value skills or attributes I admire but do not possess more highly than those that I do. Beyond that it’s very context dependent.

There are some things that I don’t have much time for, and others which I tend to respect.

4. Are there one or two values that you place great importance on for yourself and your approach to life? How strongly do you believe they define you?

more than one or two. Quite a lot I guess. Most of the significant decisions in my life have been made on their basis and it is through principle that I derive meaning.

5. If people who knew you were to describe you, would they consistently name the characteristics you most value in yourself?

people who know me fairly well do, more so than I usually anticipate they will.

6. Have your values been relatively stable over time or do they ebb and flow with the tides?

They are relatively stable. They have become more mature, complex and refined over time, but they don’t ebb and flow.

7. Do you find that you generally behave in a way that’s consistent with your core values? If not, do the moments of inconsistency cause you to feel conflicted at any level?

Mostly consistent with my core ethics. If I cross them, which is usually the result of accident or stupidity on my part, I either undo the damage or suffer as a result. The last story I wrote being an example of that.

8. Have you found yourself in a situation that made you question your core values? How did it go?

I find myself disillusioned or disappointed from time to time, but I pull myself together after a few moments.
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Re: Core values

Postby Kimera1 » Sun Feb 10, 2019 2:54 pm

Akuma wrote:
Kimera1 wrote:4. Are there one or two values that you place great importance on for yourself and your approach to life? How strongly do you believe they define you?


Im not sure I need definition. I could probably describe myself more in terms of absences than presences. Still though, not unexpectedly for you I assume, rationality is probably the one I tend to put the most weight on, altho I might not always be as rational as I like.

That’s an interesting insight, Akuma. Makes sense given the issues you’ve been struggling with. I do think about rationality when I think about you, and also helpfulness and humor (you’ve had some of the funniest but entirely understated quips here, imho). I also think about the pursuit of knowledge, as you are the one many of us turn to for a deeper and better informed understanding of NPD.

Akuma wrote:
Kimera1 wrote: 8. Have you found yourself in a situation that made you question your core values? How did it go?


No. My values are the best!

Narc. 8)

Greebo wrote:For what it’s worth I thought these were fairly easy

I expected that would be the case, also anticipated Z having more trouble with it. I haven’t sat down to put pen to paper on these yet but I don’t think I’ll find it easy.

Greebo wrote:
Kimera1 wrote:2.Do you find it relatively easy to pin down your own core values, or is it more like nailing Jello to the wall? If the latter, is it a problem?

Pin down in what sense? Can I reel them off as a comprehensive codified list like the Ten Commandments? Probably not.

It’s more like a common law system, ingrained principles/concepts adapted and refined by experience and consideration. Trying to compress down the entirety of my thought on every matter to explain it all simply and comprehensively to someone else would be unrealistic.

On the other hand if you mean do I know what I believe and can I list a couple off the top of my head with a high degree of confidence? Then yes.

I meant more the latter. Do you feel like sharing what tops the list?

Greebo wrote:
Kimera1 wrote:3. Are there one or two values that you place great importance on when sizing up others? You can define “others” (friend, spouse/partner, mentor, etc). Any that you particularly admire in others?


I’m not entirely certain what you mean by ‘values’ in this context.

I’m probably more likely to value skills or attributes I admire but do not possess more highly than those that I do. Beyond that it’s very context dependent.

Would you be willing to share an example?
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