Allowing yourself to be vulnerable

Even as I type the title of the thread I feel myself close up like a clam....

My therapist has issued the challenge to me -- open up, just a bit. Allow myself to be vulnerable to him, or anyone. Maybe he's losing patience with my ninja deflection tactics - he was pretty animated about it. To hide my real feelings about his 'ask', I laughed at his theatrics ( he can be pretty funny) and told him I would try.

I was actually going to bring up the topic with him anyway, that I seem to be getting nowhere in therapy. I've been thinking I should just quit if I'm not going to share anything of real importance. But he's issued the challenge, so I will truly try to meet it. That was last night. Today I feel ill all day just thinking about it.

Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable? Reveal to someone the parts that are painful if they're poked even a little? Do you find it challenging?

Kimera wrote:Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable? Reveal to someone the parts that are painful if they're poked even a little? Do you find it challenging?

For me the most effective step towards opening is to reveal to myself the parts that are painful and guarded. They seem to be segregated from the parts that developed defenses so I try to get acquainted with them. Once I bring them to light and acknowledge how useful they were to me in defending me, cooperation starts happening.

Kimera wrote:Even as I type the title of the thread I feel myself close up like a clam....

My therapist has issued the challenge to me -- open up, just a bit. Allow myself to be vulnerable to him, or anyone. Maybe he's losing patience with my ninja deflection tactics - he was pretty animated about it. To hide my real feelings about his 'ask', I laughed at his theatrics ( he can be pretty funny) and told him I would try.

I was actually going to bring up the topic with him anyway, that I seem to be getting nowhere in therapy. I've been thinking I should just quit if I'm not going to share anything of real importance. But he's issued the challenge, so I will truly try to meet it. That was last night. Today I feel ill all day just thinking about it.

Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable? Reveal to someone the parts that are painful if they're poked even a little? Do you find it challenging?

The false self can be vulnerable at any time. The true self,never.

Well that's just a failure to grasp the realities of the situation.

Kimera wrote:Even as I type the title of the thread I feel myself close up like a clam....

My therapist has issued the challenge to me -- open up, just a bit.

Youre doing CBT?

I was actually going to bring up the topic with him anyway, that I seem to be getting nowhere in therapy. I've been thinking I should just quit if I'm not going to share anything of real importance. But he's issued the challenge, so I will truly try to meet it. That was last night. Today I feel ill all day just thinking about it.

Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable? Reveal to someone the parts that are painful if they're poked even a little? Do you find it challenging?

Well I can share anything in theory, thats not so hard. I just have no inner connection to what I am talking about, so I guess that the vulnerable part of this is shut out due to the dissociation. And that I can't just switch off.

Kimera wrote:Even as I type the title of the thread I feel myself close up like a clam....

My therapist has issued the challenge to me -- open up, just a bit. Allow myself to be vulnerable to him, or anyone. Maybe he's losing patience with my ninja deflection tactics - he was pretty animated about it. To hide my real feelings about his 'ask', I laughed at his theatrics ( he can be pretty funny) and told him I would try.

I was actually going to bring up the topic with him anyway, that I seem to be getting nowhere in therapy. I've been thinking I should just quit if I'm not going to share anything of real importance. But he's issued the challenge, so I will truly try to meet it. That was last night. Today I feel ill all day just thinking about it.

Do you allow yourself to be vulnerable? Reveal to someone the parts that are painful if they're poked even a little? Do you find it challenging?

As with most things, it depends. Reveal what and to whom?

I don't allow myself to do so because I cannot! No ma'am! It seems as if it's an incorrigible trait. Perhaps one needs to weasel it out, extract it from deep deep place that's never been seen, with a dental tool, with suffering. I've dealt with numerous counselors and a psychologist later, and they all say we cannot get anywhere with how you behave in my office, and then I dislike them and do not return. Maybe I have paranoia, but I've always been like this, I don't see the benefit in being open, as you describe. Perhaps if I started psychotherapy with someone respectable I could try harder, for there I do see prospect.

I would wholly second Camnewton. My true self has always been, to others, how should I say it, extremely furtive, an apparition! I'm very private, and if I did reveal my vulnerabilities, as you say it, I predict many would be quite appalled, and they have before. I can babble on and on when it comes to aspects of the "false self", if I even understand that correctly.

All throughout my teenage years I was criticized and attacked for this trait by Old Mum. Proclaimed I was a bad family member, as if there is a correct way to act.

I think being vulnerable and trusting someone involves accepting that the other person can and likely will disappoint you at any time. This applies to every single human being on Earth.. so here's the logic: you can never tell who will be the most reliable, so in the end, making the choice to trust (unless you have evidence that they aren't trustworthy) is wise. You'll have to make the decision with every person you date. The honeymoon stage will always end.

That being said, I know you can do it, Kimera. I have faith in you and you have a lot of power over when and how and in what degrees you share yourself. Don't forget you're in control of how you become vulnerable.

Maybe devise a system or plan for how to, or in what steps? I'm big on lists. Even with therapy.. hehe. I help my Mom make lists all the time. Ideas I have:

Maybe list some exercises to do daily to experiment with vulnerability?

Perhaps each day, write down a thought or feeling you have that is painful to admit. You don't need to show anyone.

Just some ideas.

Also, I'd like to add... you don't have to be vulberable to anyone or reveal your true self to anyone you don't feel worthy. Trust is earned. This isn't just NPD.. it's anyone who is wise with their heart. You'll find someone worthy of this trust who will still screw up, but it's important to understand for nons that NPD is a way of protecting the true self. So I think it's very important to go slow. My ex husband had NPD I am pretty sure.. and it took years for him to trust me.

"This isn't just NPD.. it's anyone who is wise with their heart."

^^^ That, kimera. And we screw up re: trust now and then. We all do, nons and disordered alike.

Kimera wrote:Even as I type the title of the thread I feel myself close up like a clam....

Sounds like you've met the challenge then.