The Destruction Of Time in NPD

I found this interesting and thought I'd share it here.

https://www.sakkyndig.com/psykologi/art ... rg2008.pdf

Thanks Akuma that looks simply fascinating- I'll be reading it on the overnight train ride tomorrow

If, to the contrary, such a meaningful commitment to investments in work, art, social engagements and, as we shall see in more detail, to intimate relations, is missed, experience of life lived shrinks, and life itself may seem to be near its end, accompanied by a frightening sense of the brevity of time lived.

I think this occurs as soon as pwNPD start to realize that they lack a certain depth to life. I already experience a dreadful anxiety for death itself, but it only started to manifest when I started to experience conflicting self-percetion.

The failure to develop significant object relations results in a chronically empty internal world, depleted of emotionally deep and meaningful experiences, that condenses, retrospectively, the experience of time: nothing memorable has happened in the past, except the ongoing efforts to shore up self-esteem and confirm the grandiosity of the self.

That is true. There is definitely a lack of emotional and meaningful depth to everything in the NPD world. It is hard to explain to anyone not experiencing it, but a lot of meaningless is definitely there.

In contrast, the failure of this process to form normal identity with its corresponding time dimension, together with a sense of the shrinking of time in the aging process referred to before, may bring about an increased fear of death.

Again, this is when the identity idea is challenged. For me, my identity was already challenged the moment I was not doing anything valuable with my life. Now that I am soon resuming education, a new sense of identity has brewed itself, and this has relieved the death anxiety.

The experiences of shrinkage of time, in these cases, may bring about an intense and growing fear of death, a sense of unfairness of the brevity of their life as they experience it. This fear is also related to infantile fears of abandonment and loneliness, and a deep feeling of the senselessness of life – which predominate when there is an absence of investment in love, work, ideals, children, and values.

Sounds pitch perfect.

An interesting read over all. Sheds a bit of light on my immense fear of death that started in my adolescence.