Don't you find the anti narcs to be worse?

Being in this community for a while and then moving over to reddit.com/r/narcissism ...

I find that I actually like the narcs a lot more and I absolutely hate the anti narcs.

Seriously, you go to the anti narcs community and all you hear is so much hate, how they hate the narcissist and want them to die, even hear people wish narcs would hang themselves, yet they think they are the ones who are right and we are wrong.

In fact I've never really received much hate in here except from those who aren't narcs, it's odd isn't it? Those who claim not to be narcs aren't any less selfish than me, actually I've given to a lot of people with nothing in return, then they say i'm selfish, so many of these traits they talk about are actually in themselves, like how women say the man is the problem, yet she's the most absorbed bitch ever, this is very common.

I in fact never take selfies, I talk about myself all the time, yes I think of myself as higher than most people but genuinely think I've got a good perspective (what if you are? and you know it because i know my strengths and weaknesses.

I just imagine a narc club to be loads of awesome people sitting around snorting cocaine, and then there's the anti narc community is just a load of women feeling sorry for themselves and slating the narcissist that finally got pissed off with her $#%^.

And also, why do they seem to think I'm the abuser? I haven't hurt anyone, I piss people off socially but I'm not a bully, more of a troll, but only to those who are easily trolled (their problem if they want to throw their toys out the pram), I never agreed to any kind of abuse and never bullied anyone, so why do they seem to think I'm like this. They seem to put us in the same group as psychopaths, but in reality the vast majority of people who can harm are psychopathic with this disorder, have psychopathy alone but very rarely is it narcs.

And yeah, they say we're the jealous ones, from my observations you people don't seem at all jealous, this whole disorder seems just like a label to those who they are jealous of. A bit like how people say "conspiracy theorist" to discredit them, but if they ever met a real one they'd see they aren't just some wack.

I really don't have much experience with the "victim blogs" and stuff. I ran across a few BPD boards that were taken over by nons in dire need of a Xanax prescription but I don't really hang around.

Yes, I find people who think they have some moral right to with X group of people would just hang themselves, and spew vitriol and hate and wish harm upon others, to be repugnant. It also only validates me, makes me superior and "more right" because I'm not in the habit of that kind of behavior.

It's also incredibly amusing to watch "well adjusted" people who fancy themselves "nons" completely lose their sh*t and behave in the exact same manner a Cluster B would behave. They don't see their obvious projection, and the target of their hate (an ex, a parent) probably wasn't the one with a PD.

The nons here are usually impressive, considering they're often coming out of a terrible relationship, they manage to keep such vitriol in check. There's a thread that was moved to the friends and family forum that used to be stickied here, and there were some really nasty "nons" in there.

Thanks for that!!!

Would just like to say I went in care for 13 years and was separated from my mum, never had my dad around, only foster parents and even their family didn't show me much love, I have felt alone my whole life, and to make it worse these people just add to it, just remember that where some of us have been to get these personality disorders.

I haven't hurt anyone, it does just seem that this world has a moral highground of narcissism over "us" immoral "narcissists" hasn't it? I remember the time that I went into a narcissistic support group saying I had been abused and bam I was out the door, banned, treated with intolerance, and they say we're the narcissistic ones, actually even when I get a group on facebook I don't ban people for any reason and like people to have the freedom.

I was trying to make them realize how selfish they were being, like how so many women these days just expect to be all about men, for me everytime I've been out on a date it's been me paying for $#%^ etc etc. people know i'm nice so they manipulate.

Where they say "we have no empathy" is a right cheek, I've been there for people when nobody else was. But the reason why I can be cold is when people piss me off, ahh see, we're not such bad people after all, you just have to not piss us off like any person

I bet when someone actually gets to know a narcissist is when they realize how warm and open they can be into their home and to enjoy what they have, not just turning them away which is how people treated me.

And the blogs on google about how we're all bad, it focuses all on the bad points and no good points at all, it's like they say us narcissists are all cold and psychopathic yet they're cold, distant, unempathetic to those who have the disorders! Most people would hate michael myers, I can see past him, he had a bad childhood, I feel empathy towards that. But this world never did, I know when someone else has gone through what I have I'm there for them...

It's like if you fit these 5 criteria you're a narcissist, so the narc gets diagnosed thinking these are fine traits to have, which I think with anyone, they would admit these aren't damaging traits:

Grandiosity with expectations of superior treatment from others
Fixated on fantasies of power, success, intelligence, attractiveness, etc.
Self-perception of being unique, superior and associated with high-status people and institutions
Needing constant admiration from others
Sense of entitlement to special treatment and to obedience from others
Exploitative of others to achieve personal gain
Unwilling to empathize with others' feelings, wishes, or needs
Intensely envious of others and the belief that others are equally envious of them
Pompous and arrogant demeanor

Which I admit to, actually a lot of my sexuality is completely based around these kind of fantasies.

I am rarely exploitative, although I did use to take an interest in hacking, social engineering etc. I do have this side that thinks highly of myself being this somewhat criminal guy that knows how to find anyone's home address, but I never actually do anything to hurt anyone so I can't be that bad lol.

I just think it's an annoying stereotype that the vain person is cold and psychopathic, like there somewhat you should watch out for, I see what they're saying somewhat looking at my own personality, I do see how I'm a little bit naughty, but not really subhuman that I can't care for people, I see nothing wrong with that, I find that attractive in guys anyway.

Just something to throw into the discussion...

A pwNPD can be abused by a pwNPD, rightly be a victim and then rail against pwNPD not realizing they're one of them.

Also there tends to be a reactionary narcissism after leaving a relationship with a pwNPD. Self-esteem has been eroded and often people become isolated in a relationship with a pwNPD so nons are desperate to be seen, heard and admired by anyone. The hating on pwNPD also helps them to feel a little more powerful and to gain back some self-esteem.

Personally as a non I don't necessarily see either as worse. But given that manipulation is a hallmark trait of NPD I put less trust in pwNPD.

I've read the kinds of sites for nons.

We all know the ones. I realise that some of these people have escaped from abusive relationships. However, I'm genuinely befuddled by some of the $#%^ that these people have/are putting themselves through, and the fact that they find the concept of No Contact so difficult to grasp. They are as much to blame as the alleged pwNPD. They're grown adults and some of them just sound so wet that I can't muster any sympathy for them.

Unhappy in a relationship because of your partner's behaviour and attitude? Try and sort it out. If that doesn't work - LEAVE! It really is that simple, but some people have to learn the hard way.

Don't get me wrong, there are abusive relationships where one person is the aggressor, but a lot of what I see involves relationships where both people have a lot of 'issues'. I suspect that some of these 'narcs' are really people with OCPD.

I don't have NPD, but must have some Cluster B traits, else I would probably be more sympathetic.

Yes, I do find the anti-narc community to be worse. I'm a covert, and by the looks of what is wrote about us on those websites, we're not exactly portrayed in a good light. We aren't all "whiny people with an malicious inner core", we don't all fit the stereotype ( )... we are all just individuals.

CloudShark wrote:Unhappy in a relationship because of your partner's behaviour and attitude? Try and sort it out. If that doesn't work - LEAVE! It really is that simple, but some people have to learn the hard way.

In defense of nons it's not always that simple. Traumatic bonding happens because of intermittent reward and messes with the dopamine system. Complex PTSD (are they still non if they have this?) can erode someone's ability to function making it harder to leave. Plus confusion can be part of the manipulation making it hard to decipher exactly what is going on.

whichway wrote:
In defense of nons it's not always that simple. Traumatic bonding happens because of intermittent reward and messes with the dopamine system. Complex PTSD (are they still non if they have this?) can erode someone's ability to function making it harder to leave. Plus confusion can be part of the manipulation making it hard to decipher exactly what is going on.

I hear you.

I was in an unhealthy relationship when I was 20. I don't think he had NPD, he was just manipulative, deceitful and callous.

It was a useful experience, because since then I haven't been in that situation again and it's been easy to walk away from situations that aren't fulfilling for me, for whatever reason. It's taught be to spot people to present a charming facade.

As for your question about whether a non is still a non if they have Complex PSTD, good one. I don't know.

Nons aren't all bad and people with PDs end up being picked on by other people with PDs. Honestly though, I suspect that it's not good for a non to be in a relationship with anyone who has a PD, even the PDs like DPD and AvPD. I think my dad had OCPD, growing up with him wasn't much fun!

I'm waiting for formal assessment and can't say 100% that I have a PD and I'm in a long term relationship with a non. I try not to act like a d1ck.

Anti-narcs tend to be gang bangers or other unsavory types. I don't hang out or talk to people in gangs.