Codependence and narcissism

This is the best video I've found thus far that explains the concept of co-dependency, and its origins: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYaOszny9kU

Many self-aware narcissists will resonate with some parts of this video, possibly most/all. Specifically the other-referencing, or other-dependency. Dependents and Narcissists are really just two sides of the same coin, which is codependency.

Oh this helps explain my behaviour.
See what has confused me is I have perfectly fine self esteem, so he set rules which made me behave like a co-dependant. I was not allowed to express any feeling other than lust, or he'd not allow me to see him.
One of my complaints when ending it was that I missed being myself. After the end he'd compliment me on this new me. Which was hilarious as possNarc wouldn't allow me to be me.

Could it be that in the case of a codependent as they are scared to let someone see them in case they don't like them, in this case he wouldn't let me be me "in case" he liked me?

ACatNamedEaster wrote:Oh this helps explain my behaviour.
See what has confused me is I have perfectly fine self esteem, so he set rules which made me behave like a co-dependant. I was not allowed to express any feeling other than lust, or he'd not allow me to see him.
One of my complaints when ending it was that I missed being myself. After the end he'd compliment me on this new me. Which was hilarious as possNarc wouldn't allow me to be me.

Could it be that in the case of a codependent as they are scared to let someone see them in case they don't like them, in this case he wouldn't let me be me "in case" he liked me?

I'm glad it helped.

I think it's not so much a case of in case he might like your true self, but rather him trying to avoid narcissistic injuries caused by failures of like-mindedness. He is probably very needy (possibly without being aware of such neediness) and completely or almost completely focused on his own needs, which include like-mindedness from others. Anything that threatens that, like disagreements, or you not being what he needs you to be, may trigger shame. PwNPD and related disorders like BPD don't handle shame very well, it often leads to narcissistic rage or devaluation.

Love your avatar by the way!

I know I ticked all his boxes bar one, I'm not rich (but then neither is he, doesn't even have a car but that didn't matter to me) and money and material possessions are really important to him. I can't imagine anyone wanting to admit to that.

Thank you. Excellent structuring.

ACatNamedEaster wrote:Love your avatar by the way!

Thanks. Are you a HoC fan by chance?

I know I ticked all his boxes bar one, I'm not rich (but then neither is he, doesn't even have a car but that didn't matter to me) and money and material possessions are really important to him. I can't imagine anyone wanting to admit to that.

Society is strange on that one, at least in the West. We're a highly materialistic, individualistic society, but we're still expected to lie to others and ourselves on that one.

-- Fri Mar 11, 2016 10:14 am --

HR_p wrote:Thank you. Excellent structuring.

Glad you liked.

I fell in love with a possNarc, of course I love HoC.
If you've finished the last season.. that last scene wow!

I like to have nice things as much as the next person, but once you have enough money for your needs anymore than that does not make you happier. Studies have proven this.
To me a significant other is not a source of income. A SO should be for love, company, support, intellectual stimulation, laughter and sex.
A job and work is from where your riches should come from. Not another person.

ACatNamedEaster wrote:I fell in love with a possNarc, of course I love HoC.
If you've finished the last season.. that last scene wow!

Haha oh yeah I watched all 13 this weekend. That last scene, I can't believe they were staring right at it while everyone was trying to look away. Shows they lack empathy imo.

I like to have nice things as much as the next person, but once you have enough money for your needs anymore than that does not make you happier. Studies have proven this.
To me a significant other is not a source of income. A SO should be for love, company, support, intellectual stimulation, laughter and sex.
A job and work is from where your riches should come from. Not another person.

I don't disagree. I mean, the way it is with me, and I'm sure you too (as well as most people) is when I take too much money, or given too much money or material items, I start to feel guilty and feel I should repay somehow.

Oh the Underwoods basically are the dark triad!
It was the 4th wall breaking that got me. Perfect end.


I have never encountered that guilt! I'm the kind of person who does not get treated with gifts and such things.
One of his excuses for not wanting a relationship was that they are expensive due to all the presents you have to buy. I don't know what kind of relationships he had before me but clearly the idea of the thought counting alludes him.

ACatNamedEaster wrote:Oh the Underwoods basically are the dark triad!
It was the 4th wall breaking that got me. Perfect end.

I loved it too. There has been talk on the internet about Frank being a malignant narcissist, which is pretty much NPD mixed with antisocial/paranoid features and sadomasochism. And Claire being a garden variety narcissist.

I have never encountered that guilt! I'm the kind of person who does not get treated with gifts and such things.

Well then, may I give you the gift of a hug? <3

One of his excuses for not wanting a relationship was that they are expensive due to all the presents you have to buy. I don't know what kind of relationships he had before me but clearly the idea of the thought counting alludes him.

Wow, what a cheap ass. It's not expensive having a relationship. Has he never heard of Netflix and chill? Unless the woman is high-maintenance, it's not expensive at all. And most women do not demand diamonds and gold (anyone that tells you we do is misogynistic).

Was he the type that wanted YOU to give HIM things, though?