Will this finally put an end to the hoovering?

My ex has been cruel by hoovering and attempting to f with my emotions for the past 7 months after he dumped me for someone else. This is how I responded to his latest attempt:

You're a cheater and a liar like your douchebag friends Alex and Abdul and a big enough a-hole you own father doesn't want anything to do with you. I know you have a court judgement against you for unpaid money and I'm embarrassed I ever spent time with you. I have zero respect for you and want nothing to do with you. I'm blocking your number and if you attempt to contact me in any way, I will call the police.

The low blow about his dad rejecting and abandoning him is a HUGE wound for him and I know this hurt him badly.

Will he finally leave me alone???

sjohnson17921 wrote:My ex has been cruel by hoovering and attempting to f with my emotions for the past 7 months after he dumped me for someone else. This is how I responded to his latest attempt:

You're a cheater and a liar like your douchebag friends Alex and Abdul and a big enough a-hole you own father doesn't want anything to do with you. I know you have a court judgement against you for unpaid money and I'm embarrassed I ever spent time with you. I have zero respect for you and want nothing to do with you. I'm blocking your number and if you attempt to contact me in any way, I will call the police.

The low blow about his dad rejecting and abandoning him is a HUGE wound for him and I know this hurt him badly.

Will he finally leave me alone???

No, you made a critical error in stooping to his level with insults and childish playground name-calling. As a narc, I can empathize with him and would only be further enraged (almost feel that way now, seeing your message to him) that you think you got the last word—something that's critical to us narcs, that sense of control, domination and power. Now, the threat to call the cops would put me off, but you can bet I'd respond at a minimum with a very passive-aggressive message to get the last word. I'd also (perhaps delusionally) think that I could talk my way out of the cops paying me a visit by telling them that I was hurt by your messages and responded in the heat of the moment.

I'm sorry, I don't intend to be mean, but your message to him struck a nerve with me and triggered some of my NPD rage, as well.

-- Wed Feb 03, 2016 3:29 pm --

And yes, I know our twisted, perverted way of thinking is foreign, creepy, and even scary to you, but I'm just being real with you and telling it like it is.

One reassuring thing is that he probably won't come after you physically, unless he also has AsPD traits and/or is prone to aggression.

No, you made a critical error in stooping to his level with insults and childish playground name-calling. As a narc, I can empathize with him and would only be further enraged (almost feel that way now, seeing your message to him) that you think you got the last word—something that's critical to us narcs, that sense of control, domination and power. Now, the threat to call the cops would put me off, but you can bet I'd respond at a minimum with a very passive-aggressive message to get the last word. I'd also (perhaps delusionally) think that I could talk my way out of the cops paying me a visit by telling them that I was hurt by your messages and responded in the heat of the moment.

I'm sorry, I don't intend to be mean, but your message to him struck a nerve with me and triggered some of my NPD rage, as well.

-- Wed Feb 03, 2016 3:29 pm --

And yes, I know our twisted, perverted way of thinking is foreign, creepy, and even scary to you, but I'm just being real with you and telling it like it is.

One reassuring thing is that he probably won't come after you physically, unless he also has AsPD traits and/or is prone to aggression.

He probably thinks I blocked him because I wasn't responding to his texts but he said I hurt his feelings and that he is f'ing furious. He also told me I needed to apologize immediately. I didn't respond and acted like I blocked him.

You're right. I don't get how you guys think at all. If I got a text like this, I would be totally done. I wouldn't ever speak to the person again.

-- Wed Feb 03, 2016 12:38 pm --

covertunsure wrote:

sjohnson17921 wrote:My ex has been cruel by hoovering and attempting to f with my emotions for the past 7 months after he dumped me for someone else. This is how I responded to his latest attempt:

You're a cheater and a liar like your douchebag friends Alex and Abdul and a big enough a-hole you own father doesn't want anything to do with you. I know you have a court judgement against you for unpaid money and I'm embarrassed I ever spent time with you. I have zero respect for you and want nothing to do with you. I'm blocking your number and if you attempt to contact me in any way, I will call the police.

The low blow about his dad rejecting and abandoning him is a HUGE wound for him and I know this hurt him badly.

Will he finally leave me alone???

No, you made a critical error in stooping to his level with insults and childish playground name-calling. As a narc, I can empathize with him and would only be further enraged (almost feel that way now, seeing your message to him) that you think you got the last word—something that's critical to us narcs, that sense of control, domination and power. Now, the threat to call the cops would put me off, but you can bet I'd respond at a minimum with a very passive-aggressive message to get the last word. I'd also (perhaps delusionally) think that I could talk my way out of the cops paying me a visit by telling them that I was hurt by your messages and responded in the heat of the moment.

I'm sorry, I don't intend to be mean, but your message to him struck a nerve with me and triggered some of my NPD rage, as well.

-- Wed Feb 03, 2016 3:29 pm --

And yes, I know our twisted, perverted way of thinking is foreign, creepy, and even scary to you, but I'm just being real with you and telling it like it is.

One reassuring thing is that he probably won't come after you physically, unless he also has AsPD traits and/or is prone to aggression.

He probably thinks I blocked him because I wasn't responding to his texts but he said I hurt his feelings and that he is f'ing furious. He also told me I needed to apologize immediately. I didn't respond and acted like I blocked him.

You're right. I don't get how you guys think at all. If I got a text like this, I would be totally done. I wouldn't ever speak to the person again.

sjohnson17921 wrote:He probably thinks I blocked him because I wasn't responding to his texts but he said I hurt his feelings and that he is f'ing furious. He also told me I needed to apologize immediately. I didn't respond and acted like I blocked him.

You're right. I don't get how you guys think at all. If I got a text like this, I would be totally done. I wouldn't ever speak to the person again.

Welcome to my world. I don't get how nons think, and I wish I did and were like them. Instead, I'm overcome by narcissistic rage and feel nothing but anger and the need for domination and the last word. Not a pleasant way to live but feels to me/us as inevitable, uncontrollable, and certain as the sunrise is.

I'm sorry you're dealing with one of us #######5 people. I hope you can escape his wrath, even if I feel somewhat conflicted and angry with you and other nons for not letting us get the last word at times.

Oh, and yes, I tell people to apologize routinely and when they don't I fly into a rage and attack them.

Love my disease! Not.

covertunsure wrote:

sjohnson17921 wrote:He probably thinks I blocked him because I wasn't responding to his texts but he said I hurt his feelings and that he is f'ing furious. He also told me I needed to apologize immediately. I didn't respond and acted like I blocked him.

You're right. I don't get how you guys think at all. If I got a text like this, I would be totally done. I wouldn't ever speak to the person again.

Welcome to my world. I don't get how nons think, and I wish I did and were like them. Instead, I'm overcome by narcissistic rage and feel nothing but anger and the need for domination and the last word. Not a pleasant way to live but feels to me/us as inevitable, uncontrollable, and certain as the sunrise is.

I'm sorry you're dealing with one of us #######5 people. I hope you can escape his wrath, even if I feel somewhat conflicted and angry with you and other nons for not letting us get the last word at times.

Oh, and yes, I tell people to apologize routinely and when they don't I fly into a rage and attack them.

Love my disease! Not.

Thank you for being so open and candid. I wouldn't have gone off like this if he had left me alone. He's extremely paranoid which is why I threatened to call the police. I probably wouldn't really do that but I'm that serious about wanting him to stop contacting me. He has a girlfriend!!!...WHY WON'T HE STOP???

sjohnson17921 wrote:

covertunsure wrote:

sjohnson17921 wrote:He probably thinks I blocked him because I wasn't responding to his texts but he said I hurt his feelings and that he is f'ing furious. He also told me I needed to apologize immediately. I didn't respond and acted like I blocked him.

You're right. I don't get how you guys think at all. If I got a text like this, I would be totally done. I wouldn't ever speak to the person again.

Welcome to my world. I don't get how nons think, and I wish I did and were like them. Instead, I'm overcome by narcissistic rage and feel nothing but anger and the need for domination and the last word. Not a pleasant way to live but feels to me/us as inevitable, uncontrollable, and certain as the sunrise is.

I'm sorry you're dealing with one of us #######5 people. I hope you can escape his wrath, even if I feel somewhat conflicted and angry with you and other nons for not letting us get the last word at times.

Oh, and yes, I tell people to apologize routinely and when they don't I fly into a rage and attack them.

Love my disease! Not.

Thank you for being so open and candid. I wouldn't have gone off like this if he had left me alone. He's extremely paranoid which is why I threatened to call the police. I probably wouldn't really do that but I'm that serious about wanting him to stop contacting me. He has a girlfriend!!!...WHY WON'T HE STOP???

He wants to kill the horse, then beat it till it never resembled a horse. To mutilate it out of existence in order to reject the idea that someone could EVER have power over or control him or manipulate his emotions. He, he thinks, is and MUST BE in control at all times. A narcissist never retaliates equally, but must go above and beyond, because that proves his superiority and domination. It's the animal world, mating rituals, etc. taken to an extreme.

So he perceives I have power over him and that's why he has been inappropriately flirtatious? He's trying to get me to want him again so he can pummel me emotionally? Is he trying to kill any attraction he had left for me so I don't haunt him? I thought I'd already been devalued and discarded. Isn't that as low as it gets?

sjohnson17921 wrote:So he perceives I have power over him and that's why he has been inappropriately flirtatious? He's trying to get me to want him again so he can pummel me emotionally? Is he trying to kill any attraction he had left for me so I don't haunt him? I thought I'd already been devalued and discarded. Isn't that as low as it gets?

Once he gets you back emotionally, i.e. you're invested in him again, it's most likely either because he legitimately wants to get back together with you for whatever reason, or he wants the satisfaction of, yes, winning—pummeling you to "death" and then getting the last word/having the power in retaliation for hurting him and him not feeling the fragile superiority he felt initially.

At least, this is how I'd feel as a narc. Not sure about others following the exact same thought process, so I'd love some other narcs to chime in, but I have a feeling this is roughly how most of us think.

covertunsure wrote:

sjohnson17921 wrote:So he perceives I have power over him and that's why he has been inappropriately flirtatious? He's trying to get me to want him again so he can pummel me emotionally? Is he trying to kill any attraction he had left for me so I don't haunt him? I thought I'd already been devalued and discarded. Isn't that as low as it gets?

Once he gets you back emotionally, i.e. you're invested in him again, it's most likely either because he legitimately wants to get back together with you for whatever reason, or he wants the satisfaction of, yes, winning—pummeling you to "death" and then getting the last word/having the power in retaliation for hurting him and him not feeling the fragile superiority he felt initially.

At least, this is how I'd feel as a narc. Not sure about others following the exact same thought process, so I'd love some other narcs to chime in, but I have a feeling this is roughly how most of us think.

Covertunsure, you are a gold mine of insight. I can't speak for all non's but for me, when I break up with someone it means I'm 100% done. And if I have a new relationship, I'm even more done. I'm fully into that new person and I'm not going to look back at all. I keep it movin'. That's why I've been utterly dismayed that he is STILL trying to stay connected 7 months later. He even knows I'm dating people. It's extremely confusing because it doesn't fit into my sense of logic so thank you so much for taking the time to explain what may be happening and why.

sjohnson,

covertunsure made some good points from his pov as a narcissist, he understands himself pretty well due to being self-aware about his disorder. Neitzsche's horse-beating analogy is a good one.

It's the narc's way of teaching you a "hard lesson". A response to a hoover means in some way a kind of supply, good or bad attention, doesn't matter. This hoovering is something that many nons once involved in an ex-relationship with a pwNPD have a hard time wrapping their heads around.

Hoovering means he still is able to communicate with you. Blocking is not enough. Change your phone number, email account, all social media accounts, avoid all places and events where he is likely to be, and last of all, if you encounter him in person, don't talk to him, walk away. Sounds easy to do, but in reality, is difficult to maintain, but ppl have done it successfully.

You win only by not playing, period.