Question for the victims

Hello, I see this forum has a very high amount of people who were victimized by people of this "disorder". I have a serious question for you:

Looking back, do you realize there were hints about what type of person you are with. Did your friends try to warn you and you didn't listen? Be honest now.

Now that I understand that it exists and what narcissism exactly is, yes, absolutely. My father has NPD. His behavior towards me (but also everybody else) would have been a dead giveaway to anybody in the know. However, no one I know has ever heard of narcissism and so he got away with being the "antisocial asshole" for the longest time.

shock_and_shame wrote:Looking back, do you realize there were hints about what type of person you are with. Did your friends try to warn you and you didn't listen? Be honest now.

I don't think that you can suppress those signals, if that's what you're asking. The emptiness of a stare, for ex (something I have often observed on bored-to-death NPDers forced to attend an event where they are not at the receiving end of people's attention) is not something you can alter no matter how good you become with your words or no matter how much you modify your external behavior.

Après L Orage wrote:

shock_and_shame wrote:Looking back, do you realize there were hints about what type of person you are with. Did your friends try to warn you and you didn't listen? Be honest now.

I don't think that you can suppress those signals, if that's what you're asking. The emptiness of a stare, for ex (something I have often observed on bored-to-death NPDers forced to attend an event where they are not at the receiving end of people's attention) is not something you can alter no matter how good you become with your words or no matter how much you modify your external behavior.

But what did you think back then when you saw the empty stare?

shock_and_shame wrote:But what did you think back then when you saw the empty stare?

I'll follow you to the edge of the world "dead eyes"?

I can't quite put myself in a victim mindset right now, all I can do is answer from my perspective which would be the following: this person seems to have feelings of emptiness, this person may or may not be aware of those feelings of emptiness, at any rate, and despite the fact that those feelings of emptiness are not real but just "feelings", I probably cannot convince this person of the veracity of this statement, so let's concentrate on something I can do: being supportive to somebody who is being supportive, buying perfumed candles, writing a poem...

Sorry, I am not being very useful I guess, any willing "victims" around here?

Yeah, O.K.

I'll play.

"I don't believe in all that Emotional Intelligence cr.." 'When I say, "I'm fine," you have no right to ask me, "are you sure?" '

So here is a person denying that emotions exist or have importance. A more pure form of Spock, no human genetics, stranded with no transporter in a human, frail and faulty world. All are made aware, with no uncertainty, that he believes in political-only, business-required, fake displays of compassion and human-kindness.

K.

One guess what I do. Easy clue: I beat myself up for two years and try to figure out what I'm doing wrong - tell myself if I was worth anything, worth my salt, any good at what I do, and so on, I could fix/solve/help/change/make right.

Totally N on my part.

Yes, definitely, there were distinct signs, I can even recognize them in my NPD friends, eg. when you start talking about yourself, something that happened to you, your feelings, etc. their attention would start drifting...they would try to switch the subject as if your reality bores them.

They would get angry over tiny matters, and have an angry outburst/tantrum like a baby.

I didn't know about PDs for the longest time, I just thought they are all ordinary but difficult people.

My N husband finally opened my eyes, in a way that not even my N stepmother did. I experienced the full deluge of symptoms, eg. gaslighting, denial and distortion of facts, NI, Devaluation,...and my own symptoms as a victim, severe depression, etc., finally led me to do my own research, and then the fog lifted and the pattern clarified itself.

He is still gaslighting me, claiming that It was *I* who is the Narcissist, and he the victim of my vindictiveness.

Après L Orage wrote:

shock_and_shame wrote:I'll follow you to the edge of the world "dead eyes"?

lol thats so romantic

Well, I told two low level codependent girlfriends what I was! And if you ask me, the last one was very abrupt in her discard. There was no talking things through. I was going to end it myself. But she beat me to it. At least I'd have been nice about it! It takes two to tangle! Victims be more assertive! You can get training for that. It usually involves punching things!

shock_and_shame wrote:Hello, I see this forum has a very high amount of people who were victimized by people of this "disorder". I have a serious question for you:

Looking back, do you realize there were hints about what type of person you are with. Did your friends try to warn you and you didn't listen? Be honest now.

No, there were no hints. I didn't (and still don't) have any friends.