Do you think this is a personality disorder?

This is a long post just to let you know.

Im 17 years old. Im not sure exactly what the issue is.

So it started about at the age of 12.

Around that time i started getting really interested with finding happiness through money. ( my family wasn't poor but with 5 children its hard to buy us toys and other things above necessary.

I started looking for ways to make money(illegal or legal) i didnt
care.
But was really really good on the computer.

So i started doing scams with what was hot on the market. (pokemon). I made good money. but was smart enough to convince parents that i was doing it legally.

Then the scams grew bigger and had involved my brother who was about 4 years older than me. He was a really simple person who i could control in anyway.(he's nothing like me )

By this time i was about 14 and the scams became involving i dont know maybe 3-6k a month. My brother got a car with the money and then when i as about 14 and a half. I got a car. With no license.

I was in the 9th grade and i was driving a sports car, and street racing everyday without every getting pulled over ( no license)

Most of the time that saved me was the paronia of evrything around me. I would analyze every street i would drive on. i would try to stay always a step ahead.

I never really had a social problem but i'm not sure because of all the things i had. I always had a real baby face so even when i was younger, i would have lots of girls as friends.

I also started ditching school alot and my grades went downhill.

When i was 15 ( i think 10th grade) . My parents decided to move from california to north carolina. This was around summer so school was not in attendace at the time.

I went to but my brother stayed there and moved in with a friend. (he was 19 at the time)

After about two weeks I convince my parents to go visit him. After about 2 weeks of being there. I gave them no option of coming back. I also come from a middle eastern family so things work a little different than american family's.

So i went back into my mode. Started looking for ways to make money. Even though I knew People were loosing these hard earned money because some of times. I cared but at the same time really didnt care. (or else i would of stopped)

Within the same period I stated smoking Pot. ( when i was younger i could never even see myself smoking a cigarette )

The pot is really what slowed me down. I would from then on smoke when ever i could.

Then after 3-4 weeks. I moved out of my brothers place telling him i was getting my own apartment. He had enough of his own money problems so he was too busy to look into my. ( at this point i wasnt doing anything illegal with him. )

After i Had my own apartment, Being my rent was about 1100 a month. It got hard too pay after maybe a month. I had no job and was too young too work (only 15). At this point i had drop failed all my classes and stop going to school.

A friend of brothers who we all use to smoke with everyday, we started hanging around alot. He had a family business so he was finically fine.

He was i think 23. But nothing sexually. He saw me as a little brother. ( he didnt have any siblings.)

He then offered me his warehouse. To stay in because he lived with family. I did stay there and I helped him with his business.

Me and him would hang out like 20 hours a day. Mostly because we both heavily smoked pot and at that point i couldn't afford to buy it everyday. So it was more of a convenience for me.

I then convinced him that we should go get a 2bdrm luxury apartment. Then I convinced him for leasing cars.

So we did. He got a BMW X5 and I got a BMW Z4. brand new from the dealership. We both knew we really couldn't afford all this but he knew he had money coming here and there from his family business. This was all under his name and credit.

I know believe that he had a definite personalty disorder.
He was really emotional and at the same time the most selfish person i've seen. Not with me but others ... ex. family .. girlfriend.

wow this is getting long.

Also the weird thing even though we had all these luxury things. Our apartment was empty.. no couches no beds.. no t.v. Mostly a computer and chairs and small items.

We would smoke every night and be comfortable sleeping on the ground.

I also didn't care about anybody in my life. Wouldn't call my parents for maybe 9-10 months.

Point being after a year . Things got worse Financially. I moved out. Lived somewhere else for 6 months.

Finally went back home to parents.

Convinced my parents to handle the finical part. There were so relived to having me back home. They would prob. do more than that. ALso convinced them to let me invest in the stock market.

Without them really knowing much. Pulled out about 75k from the credit cards and 0% interest rates. Put in the stock market.

First week i got hit and lost 25k in 1 hour.
over the weeks recovered about 20k

Im still in the market. Doing okay.

Last month bought a BMW 745i when my dad drives a honda accord. Spent thousands on clothes. I really dont have this money.

But I feel like I can succeed in anything i do. I sometimes spend hours writing out my money making plans sometimes 5-10 years in the future.

I look at everyone as being under me.
I feel like making millions are too easy.
I feel like I need to have what I want.
I feel like I can tell what anyone is thinking
I feel like everyone is too stupid
I feel like I can convince anyone to anything.
I feel like my mind is way more advanced than others around me.

I sometimes have conversations with my mind. example would be If i go to the mall I start analyzing everything around me and keep on doing like a Q and A with my mind.

I just noticed, I do feel like i spend hours in the mirror looking at myself. Not really saying im the best looking person. but how i can make myself look better.

The thing is after smoking pot everyday for the last 3 years. I has messed up my social life( also moving back and forth not going to school).

I feel like i am a bit nervous in a new social enviroment but once i get to talking with a person, I can really impress anybody.

I also talk in a way that i haven't really anyone else do. Like I can seem like the most smartest person because I always throw in big words in everyday conversation.

I also feel not going to school hasn't really affected me.
I feel like i can talk to anybody about anything just using common sense.

I do feel very selfish because I don't want anyone to have anything better than me, including my father.

I only have One real friend who has been around since 8th grade and i talk to him almost everyday.

I sometimes just like to drive around so people can see me in expensive cars and envy me.

Im not really sure if there is even anything wrong with me or maybe its the heavy pot use.

But i feel that the pot helped me because it helped keep me calm and too lazy to go out and do things that could of ended me up in jail.

any suggestions or comments would be great.

also here is the test i took on the site if that helps.

Extraversion |||||||||||| 46%
Stability |||||||||| 36%
Orderliness |||| 16%
Accommodation |||| 16%
Interdependence |||||| 23%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||| 63%
Mystical |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Artistic |||||||||||| 43%
Religious || 10%
Hedonism |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Materialism |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Narcissism |||||||||||||| 56%
Adventurousness |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Work ethic |||||||||||| 43%
Self absorbed |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||||||| 90%
Need to dominate |||||||||||||||||||| 83%

Romantic |||||||||||| 50%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 43%
Anti-authority |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Wealth |||||||||||| 43%
Dependency |||||||||||| 43%
Change averse |||||||||||| 43%
Cautiousness |||||||||||||||||| 76%
Individuality |||||||||||| 50%
Sexuality |||||||||||| 43%
Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 50%
Physical security |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
Physical fitness |||||||||||||||||||| 84%
Histrionic |||||||||||| 50%
Paranoia |||||||||||||| 56%
Vanity |||||||||||||||| 70%
Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||| 56%
Female cliche |||||||||||||||| 70%

Looking at what you've written...

Taking advantage of a way to make money off of people is very normal, most people would do it if they had the smarts and the courage.

Your paranoia was justified, and it seems to have served you well.

Wanting to get away from your family as a teenager is also normal.

Smoking pot and living beyond your means is normal. Having a mentor is normal. No tv generally equals no furniture, since a sparsely furnished place can seem cosy if there isn't a box in the corner constantly reminding you that it's not. Especially if you're used to travelling, uprooting, and other types of change.

Obviously, you perhaps give in to urges a little more than is good for you, but I think that's a personal choice, rather than a personality disorder.

If you thought that you were inherently smarter than everyone else, that you inherently deserved these cars and clothes and everything else, then you might be narcissistic. However, if you actually look at people, and observe that they're dumber than you, and if you work out through experience that you're able to get the money for cars and everything else, then you're probably not narcissistic. Do you get long, heavy depressive spells? If so you may be bipolar, a lot of what you describe looks a bit like manic episodes (although it looks more like a genius doing what geniuses do).

The heavy pot use may affect your mind, but pot isn't physically addictive (unless you smoke joints, where you can get addicted to the nicotine), and the vast majority of the effects are temporary. If you want to see how you think without the pot, just stop smoking it for a couple weeks or so, you can always pick it up again later.

You're young and free from ideology, and you seem to have discovered that there really isn't much to do apart from taking what the world offers. I'd suggest finding and formalising a long-term goal, and pooling all your resources together into achieving that, rather than just leaping from one thing to the next. You seem to be a lot smarter than I am though, and probably smarter than anyone else on this board, and you seem very analytical, your own diagnosis will be more accurate than anything we can give you.

Congratulations.

Just remember to cover you tracks and not leave a paper trail or else people will discover your identity and figure out your scam.

If that happens....well....just "keep your hands at the level of your eyes" so to speak.

Daniel

thanks for the observation.

I did at one time think i was bipolar. but quickly dismissed that when i came across NPD symptoms because they are more accurate to what i feel is going on.

Sometimes I feel I'm looking for something to blame/praise for my actions. Well only recently until i thought about what i have done in the past.

Do you suggest seeing my family doctor or maybe a shrink.

But the depression part is curious to me. Whenever there was a period of time that things didn't work out for me. I went into a depression type of mode, maybe because i secluded myself from the world during those periods. I don't think i really had suicidal thoughts, but did ponder here and there. But they did last sometimes for maybe 2-3 months or basically when something went through and money came in my hand. Then I would just go crazy, speed 140 on freeways not really thinking of the consequence of getting pulled over while high on weed and beers in my car at the age of 15.

But i do feel like i deserve these cars and other valuables.( even though finacilly im really far from it) . But after i have them i don't care about them. Sometimes I go around just trying look for stuff to buy that might me happy temporally.

I feel if i really wanted a Ferrari, I could have it within a month. No matter at what cost and damage it would cause.

i would rather have my brother drive a broken down car, rather when i know i could easily help him.

But I'm different to everybody because I talk to people in the way i know they are.

But I do feel that i can talk my way out of everything.

I use to love the challenge of winning arguments.

I once took a either a anti or deppresent. of a friend that has add.
and I felt i was on coke for 3 days. and within this period I solved the question of who is god. (terrible feeling)

But im curious of the unlimited wealth feeling symptom.
I get that sometimes where I write out plans that I feel will make me a millionare within a 3 year period. (im 4 months into it)
I feel like there is no chance of it not working.

So when I go charge hundreds on cards, i feel like its no big deal because my mind is converting the value of the money as if i already have the millions.

But there is nobody in my family close to what i am, thats whats weird. They are all so simple and naive.

I just wish I could think in a brain of a normal person, just to see what they think like.

would you really considering me a genius. Wouldn't you see me a really destructive person. Also to the fact I haven't been to school in the last 2 1/2 years. and don't plan to. I feel school is a waste and i know everything i need to know. [/u]

Also no one really knows my real personality because i have a different personalty with everyone. I only tell people what they want to hear. Even my best of friend that would think he know me from A to Z, doesn't even know the other 70 percent of me.

This is the reason i can get along with anybody and I MEAN ANYBODY.

I also always feel that no matter what i have i will never be happy.
until i get my final ultimate success. And even then when i think about i feel like i still wouldn't be happy.

Only time I feel happiness is when I get money or something of value that = money !

I don't care really about anyone around me and sometimes feel like i'm using them until I'm done with what I need then I'm out.

Same thing with me being home right now. It's only to succeed with want i need from which would take me another 6 months. THEN IM OUTTA HERE TOO!

But I like the feeling soo much !! but then again I kinda understand its bad. But the feeling is greater !

I'd be careful seeing a professional, especially a family doctor. Doctors are supposed to tell authorities about non-victimless crimes (in the States maybe even about the drugs, I'm not sure about that), and their purpose is not to work directly in your interests, but to make you a normal member of society, for which they will prescribe lots of personality-cancelling drugs.

Some doctors are very cool, if you know any you can trust implicitly, i.e. you're good friends with them as well as knowing that they're a good doctor, then it can't hurt to ask a few questions. But yeah, be careful. I had trouble in uni with a moralistic Victorian asswipe, and I wasn't even doing anything illegal at the time (though probably the first thing he asked me was if I was 'doing dope', proper down-with-the-kids styley). There's a lot of information around, on the internet, in libraries, etc.

The purpose of school is to make normal people productive members of society and get them into regulation employment, rather than to teach them as much pure knowledge as possible. That's why they have the pledge of allegiance, an emphasis in history classes on the philosophy of the state, and rules and procedures designed to teach teamwork, politeness and respect for authority. Also they aim everything at the level of the worst-performing students. Some people need schools to learn anything, but being able to do without is a good thing.

Companies spend a lot of money on making people want their cars, although it's unusual to be able to afford them at the age you were buying them. Cars aren't really that important though, if your brother was dying, would you pay for his medicine? If not, then you might have a problem. The fact that you think you're weird for not wanting to give your brother everything you're able to get for yourself shows that you're at least a little altruistic.

As for normal people, I think they think more or less as you'd expect them too, mainly about the stuff they want and the news and their family and whatever they do for entertainment, though in the States I got the impression that most people thought they were living in a movie. I could be wrong about this though.

I'm not sure I'd call you destructive, destructive is seeing how deep you can cut yourself, and overdosing for the hell of it, and that kind of thing. You're thrill-seeking, which can just translate to bored. What you do might turn out to be destructive, probably it wouldn't hurt to prepare for the worst, maybe by keeping a few hundred dollars hidden on your person at all times, and another few hundred hidden in a secret location somewhere (if you don't do this already). And yes, from your descriptions of what you've been able to do, and how your thought patterns work, you do sound like a genius.

...........

I just read your last post while previewing this reply.

It's strange, you describe yourself in a lot of ways that I would describe myself, with the only revealing part of your personality, only telling people what they want to hear, and with the feeling of never being happy. That means that either you have something I've got, or that it's something common to the human condition.

'Be all things to all men' is an old cliché. Although the reason for using it is for personal gain, most people are quite affable when you meet them at their level, so it's sensible. I can understand it may be annoying always holding yourself back from saying what you think.

I know what you mean about knowing that you'll never be happy with any accomplishment. The problem is that life isn't a game, there's no objective, and nothing happens when you finish it. Money is an easy way of measuring success though, as it's a number that you can compare against other people's numbers, and there is so much out there trying to make you want the stuff (though I have to admit it bores the hell out me, my thing is knowledge, equally as pointless).

I suppose when it really becomes a problem people go with religion, though personally I hope I never get that desperate.

Again, the fact that you care at all about using people to get what they want shows you have some consideration for others, it wouldn't even enter into the thoughts of a narcissist, and when challenged on it they would fly into an indignant rage.

Anyway, this has turned into random musing more than anything else, sorry if it isn't too useful.

Narc wrote:I'd be careful seeing a professional, especially a family doctor. Doctors are supposed to tell authorities about non-victimless crimes (in the States maybe even about the drugs, I'm not sure about that), and their purpose is not to work directly in your interests, but to make you a normal member of society, for which they will prescribe lots of personality-cancelling drugs.

Some doctors are very cool, if you know any you can trust implicitly, i.e. you're good friends with them as well as knowing that they're a good doctor, then it can't hurt to ask a few questions. But yeah, be careful. I had trouble in uni with a moralistic Victorian asswipe, and I wasn't even doing anything illegal at the time (though probably the first thing he asked me was if I was 'doing dope', proper down-with-the-kids styley). There's a lot of information around, on the internet, in libraries, etc.

The purpose of school is to make normal people productive members of society and get them into regulation employment, rather than to teach them as much pure knowledge as possible. That's why they have the pledge of allegiance, an emphasis in history classes on the philosophy of the state, and rules and procedures designed to teach teamwork, politeness and respect for authority. Also they aim everything at the level of the worst-performing students. Some people need schools to learn anything, but being able to do without is a good thing.

Companies spend a lot of money on making people want their cars, although it's unusual to be able to afford them at the age you were buying them. Cars aren't really that important though, if your brother was dying, would you pay for his medicine? If not, then you might have a problem. The fact that you think you're weird for not wanting to give your brother everything you're able to get for yourself shows that you're at least a little altruistic.

As for normal people, I think they think more or less as you'd expect them too, mainly about the stuff they want and the news and their family and whatever they do for entertainment, though in the States I got the impression that most people thought they were living in a movie. I could be wrong about this though.

I'm not sure I'd call you destructive, destructive is seeing how deep you can cut yourself, and overdosing for the hell of it, and that kind of thing. You're thrill-seeking, which can just translate to bored. What you do might turn out to be destructive, probably it wouldn't hurt to prepare for the worst, maybe by keeping a few hundred dollars hidden on your person at all times, and another few hundred hidden in a secret location somewhere (if you don't do this already). And yes, from your descriptions of what you've been able to do, and how your thought patterns work, you do sound like a genius.

...........

I just read your last post while previewing this reply.

It's strange, you describe yourself in a lot of ways that I would describe myself, with the only revealing part of your personality, only telling people what they want to hear, and with the feeling of never being happy. That means that either you have something I've got, or that it's something common to the human condition.

'Be all things to all men' is an old cliché. Although the reason for using it is for personal gain, most people are quite affable when you meet them at their level, so it's sensible. I can understand it may be annoying always holding yourself back from saying what you think.

I know what you mean about knowing that you'll never be happy with any accomplishment. The problem is that life isn't a game, there's no objective, and nothing happens when you finish it. Money is an easy way of measuring success though, as it's a number that you can compare against other people's numbers, and there is so much out there trying to make you want the stuff (though I have to admit it bores the hell out me, my thing is knowledge, equally as pointless).

I suppose when it really becomes a problem people go with religion, though personally I hope I never get that desperate.

Again, the fact that you care at all about using people to get what they want shows you have some consideration for others, it wouldn't even enter into the thoughts of a narcissist, and when challenged on it they would fly into an indignant rage.

Anyway, this has turned into random musing more than anything else, sorry if it isn't too useful.

I like the way YOU think too. Finally some people who know.

Daniel

Well more i look at it now.. i think its just some minor issues, I'll just have to work with.

I wasn't sure how far a person didn't care would lead to a disorder.

Maybe my carelessness is because of pot. But then again I more feel like the way i do when i'm active. Maybe after a cup of coffee to wake me up. Because recently I have marijuana in my system probaly half of the day mostly at night before i sleep. But when its in my system i feel more normal.

A lot of what i accomplished without much damage to me is when i wasn't smoking.

But I do feel i am addicted to marijuana. Anything I try I like, I feel the need to overdue it.
that is the reason i haven't indulged in hard drugs and don't plan too.

But anyways, how far do people with NPD not care. Lets say your mother who took good care of you through childhood dies of cancer at the age of 44. Would you feel the need to shed a tear or would you just ponder the thought for a second and carry on your normal life even though everyone around you is sad and devastated?

But anyways, how far do people with NPD not care. Lets say your mother who took good care of you through childhood dies of cancer at the age of 44. Would you feel the need to shed a tear or would you just ponder the thought for a second and carry on your normal life even though everyone around you is sad and devastated?

Why?

-Daniel

let me rephrase. . . .

Lets say the one other person in your life you can think you were the most close too...

And if they were to die in way that wasnt 100% natural.

Would you feel any pain, even for a second?