Is she a Covert Narcissist?

Hi Guys,

I'm new here. I've got quite the situation and I've been trying to figure it out for well over 15 months.

I am in a bit of a unique situation with my boss. I can't figure out if she's a narcissist covert narcissist or other issue.

Two years ago she promoted me to a supervisor role in this department. Previously to being promoted I didn't have much contact with her as we are not centralized. I however thought she was super nice and caring. She promoted me and demoted the previous supervisor at the direction of her boss. Things were going good for awhile. Then I some things came into sight. The previous supervisor was still getting supervisor pay and had all manager access. I asked her if I could get access to those things on the computer and she said only she can have access. A few weeks pass and I question her on him having access. She went from completely denying him having access to "he does things for her because she doesn't have time" Within the same conversation.

I let that go. Then a little more time passes and I notice the previous supervisor seems to be undermining everything I am doing, and is taking credit. She starts demanding I CC him in all emails. When I don't she completely ignores my emails. He is also doing a horrible job at his normal employee roles. I confront her on this and she says she doesn't believe its happening and I am accusing her of practicing favoritism. As time passes these assurances get worse. She starts completely ignoring my emails, texts and phone calls...

In contrast. When I began the supervisor role. We would spend at least and hour a day talking. We'd text most of the day and she was returning all my emails. I'd like to note that we did grow somewhat close. We agreed on most things politically and personally.

Fast forward a year. I start to analyze the crap out of her. Watching how she talks to others opposed to me. I noticed she was super friendly and outgoing with others. But acted real timid and emotionless but nervous around me. (I did notice before I was promoted she always acted nervous around me). I did notice when was on the phone she came off as super friendly and agreeable with others. But when she hung up she'd always sigh and kind of role her eyes.

I stepped down from the supervisor position because of the stress of not being able to communicate with her. She seemed like she had some agenda but never really communicated what that was. I ended up going to a psychologist. Because I completely lost myself.

after I stepped down I ended up flat out asking her after awhile why she acts differently around others all happy like. But with me she almost acts like she hates me. she told me she doesn't have to put on a face for me. She said she's got different faces for different situations.

Currently I am a regular employee but still watch her kind of closely. Some things I notice are. she lies a LOT!! She expects others to bend backwards to get things done. but she will take 4 day weekends and work 5 hour days. But tells us she works all the time. When things don't go right. She twists what happens and makes it somebody else's fault. The new supervisor is dealing with the same issues I had with the supervisor prior to me.

In the beginning like I said I got to know her pretty good. She mentioned she never graduated high school. She had a baby when she was sixteen and her dad beat her mom and brother a lot. I've grown this habit over to time of trying to sit down and talk to her about non work related stuff like her new house and weekends. But I get one answer replies and short answers that go nowhere. I feel like she secretly doesn't like me because I confronted her on all those issues. Before that happened things where great!! I feel like she sees me as a threat because I think she knows that I know who she really is. On the outside a caring loving church going dedicated mom. But on the inside very self absorbed vindictive person...

Or maybe I am just crazy........

Regardless if she is or she is not a narcissist, silent treatment from a boss is illegal, I guess at any democratic country.

creative_nothing wrote:Regardless if she is or she is not a narcissist, silent treatment from a boss is illegal, I guess at any democratic country.

Most(?) states in the US are what is called "Right to Work." This translates legally into "they can fire you for any reason, or no reason -- but not for a bad reason." A bad reason would be a variety of protected classes (race, religion, sex, age, etc.).

If a company has a defined policy concerning terminations, then the policy becomes the "law." For example, if the company's policy defines a process of escalation prior to termination, they are obligated to follow it for everyone. An N boss using silent treatment could be in violation (a "hostile environment" contrary to the spirit of escalation, "fair warning"). But, that's only actionable after being fired. You have to go to Civil Court to seek damages.

People here usually find a new job. I understand other countries have state agencies who arbitrate things like this.

OP what difference does it make? How will you act differently depending on whether she is NPD or not?

A lot of what you have said may be NPD, but then again it could be something else. Who knows. We can't diagnose people on these forums.

You have to decide what to do with her based on your best interests. Trying to confront her directly doesn't sound wise, as she will just deny everything. You could try to go over her head with evidence of wrongdoing, but that could also backfire if she knows you "told" on her.

What TTL said about employment law is basically correct.