The aching: The Fragile Narcissist in Love.

Truth too late wrote:

Akuma wrote:Not that I wouldn't know that problem from myself, but in this case it's disgusting. You've practically told me that I did not experience what I did experience because you dont want it to be true.

I'm sorry you're having this reaction. I didn't take your reply to @solstice as invalidating my position on the topic. I'm sorry you took mine as invalidating yours.

Interesting that the personal experience of other people is just a position for you.

The literature clearly describes the importance of mirrors.

Actually read the literature. Mirroring something that is hidden should give you some orientation as to where the logical problem lies here.

I don't believe I saw people as the people they were. I don't believe they saw me as who I am. Defining "love" with such loss of identity by both people. I don't think it can be. It wasn't for me.

Which I said, too yes. But the question was if coverts can fall in love, not if the love coverts experience is somehow objectively accurate.

Akuma wrote:

Truth Too Late wrote:I don't believe I saw people as the people they were. I don't believe they saw me as who I am. Defining "love" with such loss of identity by both people. I don't think it can be. It wasn't for me.

Which I said, too yes. But the question was if coverts can fall in love, not if the love coverts experience is somehow objectively accurate.

I've always said Ns are in love with the idea of being in love. I thought the question involved the latter, commonly understood love. That seems to be our problem.

I'm sorry I can't help you more. Maybe if you could be more direct?

love or obsession ?

I can be attracted to the person strong quality but after that I can't tell whether it's love or obsession

-- Tue Jul 21, 2015 2:43 am --

I'd just realize that. If only I knew how to love maybe I would take care of my parents feelings. That I will never used silent treatment to them, that I would understand them even if I am the one that who is really has a problem.

I think I never knew love. But I knew obsession. I have been so obsess with the girl for 2 years!!! I though that I really loved her but that is not!!!! Everyday I always say that where is she right now??? Who's the guy that b*tch with. S#%^ she must be ######6 someone right now. I want her but I can't put down myself to comeback to her since I can't just let my pride down. I think that is not unconditional love. Where you love other person for who she is and where she will be happy. But all I want is to be happy myself. I want to f*ck her, pregnant her and f*ck her again and again until I don't like her anymore until she will become fat and ugly then I will then suddenly back to my lazy self then made her my maid. Then find another romance again

That's how I love a girl.

Did you say your in love? Is she beautiful??? fair??? your soulmate?
Why??? Is she self centered??? codependent????


why don't you look those fat, ugly self centered moron woman????
Or those overweight, ugly fat codependent black moron woman(Im not racists)??? What about them?? Can't they be your soulmate

Narcissists really take care of their images not just by loved

We need to know other first to loved them but how? We don't even have our own to connect to them, That is why we become a jealous b*tches since we can't feel their love.
Is it true that we assume other people personality????


It's quiet hard for me to identify personalities or I just don't really care since I just only assumed it. I think that is why I can't acknowledge boundaries??? I'm not sure in this part. But I can be like their best friend even we just had meet

Truth too late wrote:NoLove wrote:
Coverts can fall in love?

NO!!!

HOW CAN I LOVE A WOMAN IF I CAN'T EVEN LOVED MY PARENTS!!!!


Haha, sorry guys. It's just based on my experience and my studies. It's even confusing to me since they say that narcissists really hate themselves and only loved their false self since they don't have true self in the first place. And if their is?? It must be selfish and underdeveloped. How can a child could handle a mature loved??????

Yess. !!!! But a child can do a selfish loved which is obsession!!!!!

I have searched it and see from myself that all I care is my self!!! I DONT LOVE MY PARENTS!!!! I USED SILENT TREATMENT TO THEM!!!!!

HOW CAN I SAY THAT I LOVED THAT GIRL FROM HIGHSCHOOL?????? IF I CAN'T EVEN LOVED MY PARENTS.

They say that this must be an obsession.

We love to see our reflection from other people that is why I flirt a lot!!!!! I am a somatic covert narcissists outside our house !!!!! And I flirt a lot with the used of PUA. And even though I am obsessed to one of my classmate right now but I still do flirt other girls just to get the attention of my target and attention of all ladies. I will be jealous if I will have other competition to their attention. And that would never be loved.!!!! But I loved my face!!!! I loved my false self!!! but not the lazy, immature, antisocial me.!!!! But me Whos handsome, Gifted, skillful me!!!!!!

MarC0Sand0 wrote:It's even confusing to me since they say that narcissists really hate themselves and only loved their false self since they don't have true self in the first place.

Maybe this is semantics. I don't think I loved my FS. What I sense as my sense of self (my "being," present, awareness) was like a spectator to the "presence/noise" and the FS which seemed to be in love with it -- or perhaps compelled to it. I don't know for sure. But, my SoS (the part of me that would do any valuation/devaluation; rational, critical thought) seemed to be the audience, believing it. And, validating feelings of deficiency, failure, bad luck. This is the part of me that would view the world through that jaded inner lens, and interpret things using an emotional template that applied to something else.

That SoS part of me went along with it. The "love my false self" didn't occur here. (Maybe at a deeper level.). What I felt (in my SoS) from watching all that was I'm a terribly unlucky and incapable person deserving of much more. Capable of much more under the right circumstances. I neither loved myself nor disliked myself from this level of awareness. It was wishful thinking for something that would never happen. An inability to see the increasing unlikelihood. (It was this part of me that occasionally acknowledged something was wrong. I occasionally knew at this level. But, "those guys are so convincing. Let's give them a little more time.").

My existence was more like a moth staring into the flame. I loved myself for persistence. I had that going for me against everything I didn't. That was the extent of my valuation of myself (from this conscious awareness).

Fragile Ns: I think we are capable of that honeymoon love that Normals and Mild Ns also have. It fades away after a while. I suspect that the length of time that takes depends on how beautiful the other N is. That's why they call us the Beautiful People! The lower we are on the spectrum, the wider our arc of empathy is. The wider the arc, the easier it is to stay focused on the other N. And vise versa. Covert Ns are Moderate Narcissists and lower on the spectrum than High Narcissists. Although I'm a Counter Dependent, I think, from past experience, I know how a Codependent must feel when around a High Narcissist. Don't tell me that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That's something a Normal person would say. Narcissists are primordial creatures! We are natural Darwinists. To us, people with weak egos are sex objects and good breeding material! Read some Freud. He knew what he was talking about. He was one of the Beautiful People himself!

We are all like the Moon. We all have a dark side that we never show to the World. Mark Twain.

I'll start a thread on narcissism in literature soon. Unless someone beats me too it!

People who have mounted butterflies on their walls. Fragile Narcissists.