Is there shame inside?

Being raised a male in a single parent home, I think I may have internalized the shame of being male, that I was a sexual creature. Perhaps, this was in part due to being told that it was somehow bad by my mother, and adults around me, who portrayed my male sexuality as being somehow predatory in nature?

Perhaps, being soft and lovey as I'm afraid to be also made me afraid to show it? Perhaps, maybe there is some buried shame?

But at the end of the day, does it matter? Does it at all take away the validity of the fact that I wasn't accepted as I was? That unless I'm accepted as I am now, why should I change for anyone? Maybe, narcissism for me isn't so much so a defense mechanism, but a figment of others' imaginations, that they label me and use as an excuse to not let me be me.

I felt the shame, and still feel like others have shamed me, but I don't feel ashamed of the way I am anymore. It's just that I now know to reject others for rejecting me, unless they're worth my time by me being worth theirs. Reciprocality.

Then again, perhaps I'm not as narcissistic as the current psych I no longer have thought.

No responses, does my thread suck that bad?

It doesn't suck it just means posters who see it didn't relate. Also it seemed like you weren't clearly asking a question. It looked like your questions were just part of how you were talking and your post came off as a monologue with no prominent question. I myself was confused on what you were asking.

If nobody can relate, that's fine too. It just felt awkward that nobody responded.

Yes there is shame for hypervigilants at least. Shame overrides all other processes in my head.

It's okay it happens all the time. Most of the visitor's on this site are lurkers that don't comment. Minority do participate.