Back to the forum of where it began.

It has been a while since posting here along with many revelations in the almost 2 years or so of a break from PF. I look forward to seeing what's new and so on.

Your post cough my eye because it is unusual to announce being back to the forum.
There must be the reason why you left and why you are back. I am wondering how do you feel about sharing it.
And how similar/different you see the 'forum life' now? Or do you see how you changed in these two years by the reaction you have on posts or subjects being discussed?

hii

meow

VioletAasA wrote:Your post cough my eye because it is unusual to announce being back to the forum.
There must be the reason why you left and why you are back. I am wondering how do you feel about sharing it.
And how similar/different you see the 'forum life' now? Or do you see how you changed in these two years by the reaction you have on posts or subjects being discussed?

After discovering "my" poison this is the first forum I joined in hopes to find others who relate. It actually helped in a very large way in seeing the similarities with others and knowing I wasn't alone. The beginning was difficult, the who can someone like me be not right mentality was a ongoing struggle. Therapy for a while, not very helpful and then trying to change on my own. Recognizing patterns and giving myself time to compute rather than the same old tactics of letting my mouth open faster than my brain has time to think. However I did leave here because I was becoming way too Narcissistic with others here and trying to dominate the crowd. It was also pointed out to me by someone via PM and it really hit home knowing how they too saw and felt the same but had the know how to better themselves(Pointing out our tactics and how to react differently for a more positive outcome). There were also the so many nons that would aggravate me also helped me to stay away. I found a smaller place to visit, more of a personal forum to discuss with others and not the nons. I am in no way cured from my past just learned a bit since then. As far as my views on the "forum life" I couldn't honestly say as I have yet to really read other post's. Probably because there are so many and I really like the perspective of an "N" rather than a non(too lazy to read through to find I guess). Prior I would love to argue my points on the forum rather than watch and see. Disprove someone else's perspective and so on which really only added to my "needs". Coming back here I will read other post's and be open minded. I will not look to target people and pass judgement rather give my own perspectives and such. These forums are so much more important for the ones who have the disorders, to be able to relate, not feel alone, being understood as people without could never do. Sure they may read descriptions but to have and know is much different. Kind of like me putting myself in others shoes, I understand what it means but I can never feel it. Anyway a few years later and some more insight on the subject (my own) I think it's a good time to come back and become a little more active here.

Underground wrote:
However I did leave here because I was becoming way too Narcissistic with others here and trying to dominate the crowd.

Thank you for responding and welcome back.
I have been posting for a year and it is interesting to see what approach other Ns use (I have been diagnosed with NPD).
I can relate in many points, but I don't understand the 'trying to dominate' notion, I mean i don't understand how that shows in posts.

Underground wrote:Recognizing patterns and giving myself time to compute rather than the same old tactics of letting my mouth open faster than my brain has time to think.

I'm a bit better at managing this nowadays, in real life. I seem to get the 'hot flashes' of anger far less often, although that might partly come with age and circumstances anyway. It's resisting showing off, by clowning around, or speaking unnecessarily, that I have real problems with.

Do you find it knackering to have to filter your thoughts and opinions, to check that they aren't overly influenced by narcissism? It must be great for someone to be able to speak freely, knowing that they have full empathy, and a sound perspective on things.

It makes me overly apologetic and cautious, because when I'm not, I usually put my foot in it, and either hurt someone's feelings, or show a side of myself that I'd rather keep hidden. People who can say what they think, and what they mean, are fortunate in that regard. Mind you, I'm forever seeing people in real life blithely offending other people, without any awareness or care about it, which is ironic, really.

To be honest I only put my filter on high with my immediate family and when I am out with them for others. Other than that I do use a filter but not nearly as much as with my wife. To answer your question, YES it is difficult to filter myself but much easier with my family than someone I don't know or care about. In doing that I would probably become more NUTS then I already am lol. I also try to stay a little bit more sober when out with the wife as that becomes a magnifying glass for my N tactics, especially towards others(including her friends which is not good lol). I guess what happens frequently is putting two and two together, realizing I say things because of this disorder and my mis-wired brain. Not using as an excuse but more understanding and thinking of ways to better handle a situation rather than expecting to take control at all times.

Yea.. I can relate to all that Underground. I honestly can't even read a lot of peoples posts....Its like my brain just won't do it. And then there are a few posters around I could quote word for word because I really like what they write and/or relate to what they are saying. It's like some people stick in my brain easily and others just fly right by (maybe because they are boring, I dunno ).

Same wavelength!! Ha ha I start to read many posts then find myself Closing it after a few sentences. I relate. Then there are the ones who write the craziest things that would never make sense to most but I fully comprehend and am wowed. How many of us are so much alike is really crazy!!!