A Moment to Rage

I am so ######6 pissed right now! I just spent the last hour typing up a post that was filled with more emotion than anything I've ever written - about the events that unfolded over the course of my evening. AND THE DAMN FORUM ATE IT! I was logged in - I did my typing - I hit post! Did it post? NO! It asked me for a login - and EVERYTHING DISAPPEARED! ###$! I was this jumble of raw emotion, but now I am just ANGRY AS A #####&! I was crying - and blubbering and sobbing like a little bitch while I was writing it! ###$! Now I just want to punch my computer! I HATE LOSING $#%^ THIS WAY! It's not like it can be rewritten... It was guided by something I can't access now that I'm angry! It was beautiful... ###$ ###$ ###$!!!

Really frustrating...

...lol.

The pwNPD - a paragraph of swear words.

The non - 2 words that say the same thing, but without the rage.

<sigh> Laughing at myself now... in a good way though.

I totally get it!
.poof!
.
My first time post ever, to you, gone in exactly the same way. .
.
.
All the thought, emotion, time, energy . .
. .
. .
. .
. .
. .
I have been so interested in your life. .
Thank you for letting us see what you are
thinking, feeling & doing. You commentary
is so helpful and hopeful. I'm rooting for ya!

Interestingly enough livinginmyhead, if we were to take a step back and re-read the post, it could be argued that it's actually more interesting and valid than what you originally intended to post. To me it's more insightful and revealing.

Some people find anger to be a positive emotion. They like being angry, they see it as a motivator that compels them to act, and may often be angry too. Others find anger to be uncomfortable -- they see the way in can consume them and others, and the consequences acting on anger may have. In other words they fear being angry -- rather than looking forward to it.

I wonder how often pwNPD may feel angry, and how they feel about being angry (I guess that's a meta-emotion). I guess it varies a lot from person to person, but my view is that anger is a more dominant emotion in pwNPD than with most others. It's felt more intensely too. In some sense it is relished?

It is horrible to have that happen. I was so grateful the other day that (going back on the 'history' of my computer) I was able to retrieve my rough draft...

freyja wrote:I wonder how often pwNPD may feel angry, and how they feel about being angry (I guess that's a meta-emotion). I guess it varies a lot from person to person, but my view is that anger is a more dominant emotion in pwNPD than with most others. It's felt more intensely too. In some sense it is relished?

The anger is a consistently present force in my life. It is ALWAYS there... But in a muted form. It only takes a moment for the anger to arise - sometimes I can tuck it back in, sometimes it turns into a short tiny micro-burst of rage present in a thought directed at someone or something... And sometimes, my rage becomes this full-body encompassing panicked sense of defensive RAGE!!! Like I want to lash out and hurt someone or something in order to make myself feel better - releasing my hate on the object of my hatred - or so it appears internally anyway.

I am ashamed of my angry outbursts. I am ashamed of how easily I am provoked, and I dislike the intensity of my emotions when I am caught up in these cycles of anger. It just adds to the shame box.

Having said all that, it has happened to a lot of people on here, if you are typing and not doing anything else on here it seems to log you out after a while.

A great tip is to highlight everything and press ctrl and c before you post just in case, then if it happens you can log back in then ctrl v and paste it in that way.

Save on a few N rages that way eh?

narcbolan wrote:Save on a few N rages that way eh?

Indeed