Dating is so complicated

I can't manage it! Keeping in mind i've never dated, i'm trying to turn things around.

Last week i got 1 phone number and one facebook add; please don't laugh... for me this is huge. I'm interested in another girl but this is all difficult to manage. I feel like i'm hiding something, in reality i haven't even set up anything with anyone yet. Just the act of flirting i feel dirty when doing it with multiple people.

My goal was to set up a meet last sunday, but i think i wasn't clear enough in my texts and nothing happened. To make matters worse, i saw the girl in question at the gym the day after and i think she didn't expect to see me at all. It was very weird for me as well, i felt like someone had invaded my privacy somehow. I doubt i'll ever hear from her again.

The other one i added on fb. The problem is, i don't have an active account so my page is virtually empty, no friends! (i hide my friend list of course.) I added her last night and didn't get a confirmation until tonight... that was the longest 20 hours of my life. You have no idea what goes through my head when i don't get replies... she must be so freaked out by now. Ugh.

In all cases, there are so many things i need to figure out and signals i have to process... i just can't do it. This is merely based on physical attraction, perhaps on a common interests or two. I know that's how it starts, but when you weigh the odds of finding someone compatible, looking for the name things, you just have to meet so many people... start over again, it sounds completely exhausting!

I only have 2 prospects and i'm going crazy. It's very hard to let go... of everything... What happens if nothing works out? What do i do next? I don't meet many people. I feel like this an opportunity but my chances are so very slim, i should just give up already.

no it's not
just give a woman want she wants and you'll get what you want devorce and paying here for the rest of your life

you problebe believe in the idee of a relationship
(tell me waht do you think a relationship is?)
truth is relationships are hard work and being venerable
if you are not willing to do that you are not ready for a relationship
there's no shame in being single imho
perhaps an alternative relationship
if you are uncomfortable with grils try being regular friends with some that'll show them in a diferend light
do you want to have kids?
what age are you?
(be ware of babyfever : girls that want to get pregnant)

HlilySpace,

instead of freaking out..why not just have fun, enjoy the person in the moment and not think with your dick?
Women, know...you are thinking with your dick, but don;t make it obvious. Huge turn off if she has any class.

And of course if it is an animal attraction, she will jump you or she is a borderline. They jump anything for validation and all that crap.

Double bag your unit if you are in the vicinity of the vajayjay..no kiddies...you don't want to get caught in that trap..ask Joe...

Have fun and quit stressing.
Also...FB is such crap. Flesh and Blood and whites of the eyes...that's all that counts.

Hey, just to say that I understand your struggle and offer some support. Yeah, this is also NPD, I know.

When I look back when I was your age, I think the major issue with relationships was that I was always taking it one sided. I was concerned whether the other side likes me, accepts me...
because deep down I didn't feel that I was loveable.

As a consequence, I didn't really look at another person as a person.

So what might be helpful for you is to try to look at those girls as girls of your age that have their own problems and issues, and try to separate their reactios from you. If the girl doen't accept your FB request she may be on holiday and away from FB, she may be playing her own games with you and waiting 3 days to accept, she may have some PD and for some strange reason doesn't want to accept your invitation, she may just want to go slow and get to know you...milion possibilities, and 999.999,00 of them have nothing to do with you personly.
That doesn't mean that you should get into analysis of her reasons .

My point is - try to talk to them and see if you really like them, an what you like about them. Try to get to know them. Try to look at those girls as persons with their own personal values and issues, not gods or objects, or whatever.

Good luck!!!!

VioletAasA wrote:When I look back when I was your age, I think the major issue with relationships was that I was always taking it one sided. I was concerned whether the other side likes me, accepts me...
because deep down I didn't feel that I was loveable.

As a consequence, I didn't really look at another person as a person.

typing this made me think.
It seems like what others refer to as looking at other person as object. I never felt that way. But in a way it is. However, if I didn't see other as a whole person, but only from the perspective whether how they relate to me and value me, it also mean that I was looking at MYSELF as an object.

Somehow, objectifying others is a consequence of objectifying ourselves.

madjoe wrote:no it's not
just give a woman want she wants and you'll get what you want devorce and paying here for the rest of your life

you problebe believe in the idee of a relationship
(tell me waht do you think a relationship is?)
truth is relationships are hard work and being venerable
if you are not willing to do that you are not ready for a relationship
there's no shame in being single imho
perhaps an alternative relationship
if you are uncomfortable with grils try being regular friends with some that'll show them in a diferend light
do you want to have kids?
what age are you?
(be ware of babyfever : girls that want to get pregnant)

I think a relationship is any two people spending time together and enjoying it. I don't really have a strict definition.

There's no shame in being single, but i've been single for 5 years, no sex!!

Don't want kids, for now anyway. I'm 26.

I want to avoid physical relationships, say with exchange students that are here for the semester only (which is what is mostly available to me these days), i get attached too easily... Actually, i like the idea of sex only, it makes a lot of sense, however i can't imagine not getting attached... that would completely destroy me.

-- Tue Sep 23, 2014 10:35 pm --

InSpiritus wrote:HlilySpace,

instead of freaking out..why not just have fun, enjoy the person in the moment and not think with your dick?
Women, know...you are thinking with your dick, but don;t make it obvious. Huge turn off if she has any class.

And of course if it is an animal attraction, she will jump you or she is a borderline. They jump anything for validation and all that crap.

Double bag your unit if you are in the vicinity of the vajayjay..no kiddies...you don't want to get caught in that trap..ask Joe...

Have fun and quit stressing.
Also...FB is such crap. Flesh and Blood and whites of the eyes...that's all that counts.

I am trying to have fun, hence my attempt at making something happen, but that side of me always creeps out. I over-analyze the sh*t out of social situations, at least i'm aware of it.

The last thing i do is to think with my dick. I want to connect with someone.

Agreed, fb can suck my balls.

VioletAasA wrote:Hey, just to say that I understand your struggle and offer some support. Yeah, this is also NPD, I know.

When I look back when I was your age, I think the major issue with relationships was that I was always taking it one sided. I was concerned whether the other side likes me, accepts me...
because deep down I didn't feel that I was loveable.

As a consequence, I didn't really look at another person as a person.

So what might be helpful for you is to try to look at those girls as girls of your age that have their own problems and issues, and try to separate their reactios from you. If the girl doen't accept your FB request she may be on holiday and away from FB, she may be playing her own games with you and waiting 3 days to accept, she may have some PD and for some strange reason doesn't want to accept your invitation, she may just want to go slow and get to know you...milion possibilities, and 999.999,00 of them have nothing to do with you personly.
That doesn't mean that you should get into analysis of her reasons .

My point is - try to talk to them and see if you really like them, an what you like about them. Try to get to know them. Try to look at those girls as persons with their own personal values and issues, not gods or objects, or whatever.

Good luck!!!!

Yeah, very good post. I think that's good advice, to look at people as people like myself, and not subject them to how i think they will react, generalities, and of course my paranoia.

Update: she did add me. Tried to set up a meet this thursday, we'll see what happens. I like to let people know where i'll be and see if they show up. Having multiple options is weird but i think it helps me not to put all my eggs in one basket, and most importantly to stop idealizing people.

A girl asked for my number today. A bit young, though (19) lol. That's never happened to me before, so i like to think that my aura is changing, people are getting a more sociable vibe, even if i'm still awkward.

I think it's very true what you're saying about treating people as objects. It doesn't feel that way to me, but taking a step back, i see that i don't actually take into consideration what the other person might feel; their intentions, yes, but only in the way it would affect me.

That's not my goal, ultimately all i want is just to connect with someone on a level higher than being coworkers, classmates, friends... and in that situation, ie. after the initial mind games and dating in general, what the other person feels is very important to me.

it's not 'class'...we just want to have some fun/get warmed up first whereas men tend to be ready to jump in the sack at any time

do something to get her heart pumping

if she's the active type go rock climbing or something...if not on a real cliff at one of those indoor places

if she is less active still take her outside as just being outside livens the spirits...take her mini-putting

swimming is always good. chock full of opportunities to make things move along there..

-- Wed Sep 24, 2014 6:31 am --

also I wouldn't recommend dating disordered people...I mean if your goal is to change yourself

I think I would reserve that for friends...sharing issues, etc.

and this is because eventually one of you will resolve their issues and then the basis of your relationship will deteriorate...hence it's not the best idea in the long-term

you don't need a relationship to have sex

gut my point remains if you want something there's Always a price to pay and if you are not willing to pay that price you won't get it
this is something i see with empths all the time
they keep on weinig they want something but they want it for free
nothing is for free only the sun
like a friend who's maried and complaining he's not getting anny from his wife (not even on his burthday) but he keeps fighting with his wife and is not willing to be a little nicer or work out problems
and i think is that emotions/ego ?
empths are stupid

oh...and Hillyspace...don't offer to send her a pic of your dick.
And don't ask for titties pics either.

You will FAIL before you even start. And, if she agrees...? RUN LIKE HELL!!!!

empths are stupid

Ja? You would know that for an interesting fact of the inverted variety....