Motivation for getting into therapy

Hi everybody,

this is my first post.

I discovered this forum days ago while doing some research on NPD. I think this place is awesome, and full of brilliant people. It never occurred to me that a forum where people diagnosed with NPD talk openly about their experience could exist. Maybe that was a bit naive of me

I’m a non, or at least I think so (meaning that my counselor never suggested the opposite, I have never been told I’m “selfish” – with one exception – and I scored very low at all the tests I’ve managed to find online).



I have a friend/lover of 3y (the “one exception” mentioned above, in fact) who, as I’ve just found out, seems to have the typical traits of the so called “covert narcissist”. I am not a psychologist and it obviously is not up to me to make a diagnosis, yet from my point of view this paradigm makes a lot of sense.

He thinks he may have a PD and more than once told me he has considered therapy, but never entered one. I never suggested he should, since I honestly have no idea of what one could expect, and I am convinced it’s never a good idea to try to persuade somebody in this respect. I know it involves a lot of hard work, and that it can be painful. Yet, at this point, and after reading about the experience of many of you, I myself wish to know more.

So here are my questions for those among you who are, or were, in therapy:



How did receiving a diagnosis of NPD change your self-perception and your attitude towards others (in case it did)?

What was your motivation for starting therapy in the first place?

What were the benefits?



I will be grateful for any insight I will be provided with, and in case my words should sound unclear or inappropriate please let me know: English is not my mother language and I’m not familiar with discussing such personal and delicate issues in a foreign language. From my part, I’ll be happy to answer any question.

The diagnosis did nothing for me except cause me to introspect during therapy, and gave me almost a greater sense of pride, knowing that the things i do are totally justified by my disorder.

I started therapy out of interest in my self, and my own willingness to learn about my emotional blueprint.. which to this day remains amorphous

The benefits of therapy were to have someone as interested in learning about me as I was. All past therapist relationships have fizzled out and i am not longer a part of them.

Hi UU,
thank you for replying. I read several of your posts in the past days and I remember things you said about complying to your partners' expectations (while hiding your real motives, or feelings, or thoughts) in order to keep up with them and get your needs met. This need for hiding is exactly what wins my empathy the most towards my friend because it's very clear to me (and to anyone who's close to him) that he has very strong issues of shame and guilt. In his case that's really palpable, and I know that one of the main reasons, or maybe the main reason why he cherishes his relationship with me is that he doesn't get judged or reproached for what he does, feels or thinks. (This doesn't mean I never have negative feelings or that I don't express them, but I manage to do that in ways that don't imply shaming or abuse, which comes quite natural to me because the notion that any personal limitation deserves acceptance and respect is very deeply rooted in me. Of course ours is by no means a "normal" relationship, and monogamy is completely out of the picture But that's ok for me since I'm pro open/poly relationships and I've never quite liked the concept of "normality" altogether).

Now let me quote something you wrote in another thread:

Unique Username wrote:There are obvious reasons why it is not ideal.. such as prostituting myself to others perceptions of me and not being able to fully connect with anyone..

This makes me wonder if you also have issues of shame – if you actually "feel" ashamed, or if the above is an intellectual evaluation of your behaviour, which you may consider in some ways (aesthetically?) inferior to your ideal image of yourself. Does this also play a part in your motivation?

Anyway I agree with you that "[narcs] have a lot of advantages over [the] average human". You might have meant this to be a sarcastic statement, yet I have learnt a great deal from my friend about emotional detachment. And that was very useful to me, since I tend to be overempathetic.

Having a non judgemental and fully understanding partner is a very important thing.

I was not being sarcastic when I said that narcissists have a lot of advantages over the average human.

And I do have feelings of shame.. but they don't come out very often. The quote you posted was me intellectualizing.