NPDs value strength and despise weakness

One trait that seems characteristic of the NPD is his tendency to judge other people in terms of whether they are "strong" or "weak," admiring the strong and believing the strong are entitled to all of the things in life that they can acquire with their strength, while looking down at the weak with pity. This is because the NPD is a creature that identifies with the strong, and that views the weak as pathetic parasites who would seek to drag down the strong and take away the happiness of the strong because the weak are too weak to survive on their own.

When I use the terms "strong" and "weak," I am not simply referring to physical strength. NPDs view the strong as people who are healthy, smart, driven, confident, in their prime, independent, self-sufficient, attractive, and wise. The NPD views the weak as people who are unintelligent, dependent on others, poor, unattractive, or so old or so young that they are unable to care for themselves. The NPD often grafts the traits that he views as weak onto people that he devalues. For example, when an NPD sees a lower income family in a store, the NPD will often assume that they are classless, unintelligent, make poor decisions, and that they are feral, like animals. The NPD is extremely judgmental and his superego almost always provides for him an unyielding judgmental values system that the NPD himself is exempt from but that everyone else must follow.

NPDs essentially associate strong traits with "good" and weak traits with "bad." To the NPD, the girl in high school who is smart, attractive, and charming is fundamentally BETTER than the girl who is overweight, less intelligent, and awkward. These two people to the NPD are not just different, one is objectively BETTER than the other and deserves better treatment, and the NPD balks at the idea that the smart, pretty girl has to sacrifice anything for the unattractive, unintelligent girl. In this sense, NPDs are social Darwinists. But note that the NPD himself is often the less attractive person or less successful person in the room. The NPD remains blissfully unaware of this reality though, because the NPD voice inside of him is telling him that despite his outward failures, his essence puts him in the category with the strong people and not the weak people. The NPD is so utterly convinced of his own special status that he bashes those with the very weaknesses that he himself exhibits while identifying with those stronger than he. He does not do this out of self-loathing; the NPD genuinely believes that he is special and is among the strong and not the weak. The NPD's utter certainty about his own unique status lies at the very core of his psyche and is one of the reasons that Narcissists can never truly change.

This is so funny as a title to me. I have never met a more weak character than a person with NPD.
They despise what they percieve weakness but it is a shell, a superficial idea of what they percieve of what is strong and what is weak.

I have a perfect example of this in my own experience.

This is one area I feel very strong about because I detest a weak man.
NPD's can not truly value something they do not understand that something is.

Cowardice is something I believe most NPD's actually know they are but pretend they are not.

VirginiaEsquire wrote:One trait that seems characteristic of the NPD is his tendency to judge other people in terms of whether they are "strong" or "weak," admiring the strong and believing the strong are entitled to all of the things in life that they can acquire with their strength, while looking down at the weak with pity. This is because the NPD is a creature that identifies with the strong, and that views the weak as pathetic parasites who would seek to drag down the strong and take away the happiness of the strong because the weak are too weak to survive on their own.

When I use the terms "strong" and "weak," I am not simply referring to physical strength. NPDs view the strong as people who are healthy, smart, driven, confident, in their prime, independent, self-sufficient, attractive, and wise. The NPD views the weak as people who are unintelligent, dependent on others, poor, unattractive, or so old or so young that they are unable to care for themselves. The NPD often grafts the traits that he views as weak onto people that he devalues. For example, when an NPD sees a lower income family in a store, the NPD will often assume that they are classless, unintelligent, make poor decisions, and that they are feral, like animals. The NPD is extremely judgmental and his superego almost always provides for him an unyielding judgmental values system that the NPD himself is exempt from but that everyone else must follow.

NPDs essentially associate strong traits with "good" and weak traits with "bad." To the NPD, the girl in high school who is smart, attractive, and charming is fundamentally BETTER than the girl who is overweight, less intelligent, and awkward. These two people to the NPD are not just different, one is objectively BETTER than the other and deserves better treatment, and the NPD balks at the idea that the smart, pretty girl has to sacrifice anything for the unattractive, unintelligent girl. In this sense, NPDs are social Darwinists. But note that the NPD himself is often the less attractive person or less successful person in the room. The NPD remains blissfully unaware of this reality though, because the NPD voice inside of him is telling him that despite his outward failures, his essence puts him in the category with the strong people and not the weak people. The NPD is so utterly convinced of his own special status that he bashes those with the very weaknesses that he himself exhibits while identifying with those stronger than he. He does not do this out of self-loathing; the NPD genuinely believes that he is special and is among the strong and not the weak. The NPD's utter certainty about his own unique status lies at the very core of his psyche and is one of the reasons that Narcissists can never truly change.

I think this is more the stupid overt stereotype.

I often am the smartest person in the room, others often point it out, I'm not delusional, I try to hide it and my standard avatar is an aloof/crazy/careless/scientist type that usually devalues himself so to not feel superior. I do not like to have any kind of role models. There's no "more powerful" narc that I look up to. I utterly hate ambition. I hate people who try to be more than they are(narcs especially). I feel worthless as a person/identity. I do judge everyone by very rigid standards. Although I am quite aware of all this and I discard most of the basicly intrusive thoughts of judgement into a worthless/unacceptable "thought container" and try not to act on them but somehow find compassion rationaly for people. I can not order people around and can not accept orders. I find the entire concept of ordering insulting. I do not insult people and do not like being insulted. I do not expect special treatment I even have trouble asking favours. I actually have to make myself really useful to a person in order to find "courage" to ask a favour that I need. I always invest more than I get that way which is why I mostly avoid closer relationships with people or any kind of needs from them. I also can't stick up for a friend if I think he is wrong. I can't stick up for myself ever. I can stick up for a person who is right. I will protect the weak against the strong. I will go against the mob/bullies in dalai lama style.

Virgo wrote:This is so funny as a title to me. I have never met a more weak character than a person with NPD.
They despise what they percieve weakness but it is a shell, a superficial idea of what they percieve of what is strong and what is weak.

I have a perfect example of this in my own experience.

This is one area I feel very strong about because I detest a weak man.
NPD's can not truly value something they do not understand that something is.

Cowardice is something I believe most NPD's actually know they are but pretend they are not.

Agree. The covert NPD in my life pretended like she liked strength and power, as evident by her choice in vulgar music and admiration of people with power and money / fame.. However, behind closed doors she was an insecure child with limited ability to understand what power meant.

Her values around this were based on popular opinions in culture and people of prestige that told her what to value and how to value it. To her, it was being seen as a nice person that would never put down weak or fat people.. However, in her personal life she weighed herself down TO THE OUNCE at least 3-4 times per day and was constantly perfecting her hairstyle and expensive wardrobe. On one angle she portrayed a disdain for vanity and the powerful, on the other she practiced it like a professional.

A true walking contradiction.

Now, when it comes to the discard phase, they certainly take this mixed bag of emotional ineptitude and conflicting feelings to FEEL powerful and discard. In that sense, the people closest to them that have needs, may be moody (like everyone else in the world) or may have different goals or values (true values not vain ones), become powerless and weak in their eyes. The day we settled into marriage and started talking about responsibilities that may indicate weakness (like me leaving my high paying job to try something new that would have doubled or tripled my salary), or her sacrificing a small part of her career to have a child or be more attentive, was the day she was empowered to leave.

So yes, they do have delusions of power, fame and a perfect life, but they also instinctively KNOW that they can't attain them as behind the power play is a weak shell of a human being, devoid of emotion or an ability to TRULY be happy. When the true self senses the danger of being exposed by a loved one, they take that internal rage to discard and devalue and to reassert their delusion of power. It must feel like the only time they are alive. That is why I have NO HOPE that this divorce won't happen, because from her perspective she hasn't felt better. I can't wait till the inevitable crash happens.

NPDs value strength and despise weakness:

So is this why my father is watching my mom cough up blood, and die slowly due to her teeth being in horrible shape which is causing her heart problems? He just sits there with plenty money in the bank while she practically begs him to get her help every night.

He wants to keep her in her horrible state, because the thought of her being healthier than he is makes him angry, jealous, hungry for control, etc. He's dying so he wants to take her with him, or better yet for her to die first.



N's see weakness as opportunity, an advantage, easy targets, sustainable supply.

N's see others ((Independent from the them, the Ns))strength as a total threat. Responding often with triangulation, isolation, verbal jabbing, and sadistic manipulation.

This is why I don't come in here...

These people are - supposedly - suffering from deep-rooted insecurity and feelings of inadequacy, which manifest themselves in ways that can be seen as cruel to others. So they "can't change" and let's just talk about them like they exist in this form just to spite us all.

Oh the compassion.

Trxstyr wrote:This is why I don't come in here...

These people are - supposedly - suffering from deep-rooted insecurity and feelings of inadequacy, which manifest themselves in ways that can be seen as cruel to others. So they "can't change" and let's just talk about them like they exist in this form just to spite us all.

Oh the compassion.

Compassion? That only serves to ensure discard.

Now that my mind is open towards N's with deep-rooted insecurity and inadequacy, the last thing I'll ever feel is compassion. Pity is the only feeling left, for both myself and the pathetic, fake excuse of a person that I allowed into my life. The N isn't responsible for their predictable behavior, but us non's are responsible for allowing them in. Now that I know what an N is, the last feeling left is to categorically shut them out of my life and to see them for the frauds that they are. A sucker is born every minute (myself included) and N's will have plenty of ignorant supply to idealize and then discard.

At the end of the day N's will always be N's, and those of us that survived the twilight zone with them will hopefully gain a new insight into life, one that the N is blocked from gaining.

DCEE wrote:

Trxstyr wrote:This is why I don't come in here...

These people are - supposedly - suffering from deep-rooted insecurity and feelings of inadequacy, which manifest themselves in ways that can be seen as cruel to others. So they "can't change" and let's just talk about them like they exist in this form just to spite us all.

Oh the compassion.

Compassion? That only serves to ensure discard.

Now that my mind is open towards N's with deep-rooted insecurity and inadequacy, the last thing I'll ever feel is compassion. Pity is the only feeling left, for both myself and the pathetic, fake excuse of a person that I allowed into my life. The N isn't responsible for their predictable behavior, but us non's are responsible for allowing them in. Now that I know what an N is, the last feeling left is to categorically shut them out of my life and to see them for the frauds that they are. A sucker is born every minute (myself included) and N's will have plenty of ignorant supply to idealize and then discard.

At the end of the day N's will always be N's, and those of us that survived the twilight zone with them will hopefully gain a new insight into life, one that the N is blocked from gaining.

Mhm. I'm feeling some pity too right now, but not for them.

Virgo wrote:Cowardice is something I believe most NPD's actually know they are but pretend they are not.

I don't think that's the case at all. Narcissists feel superior and special and so thus if they aren't getting their just deserves, they will rage against a situation or person.

My bravery is one of the reasons I feel narcissistic. I get into confrontations that most people wouldn't even dream of doing and get a rush and ego boost from it.

I can never relate to the bully. You can only be a big man by battling other big men.

DCEE wrote:

Virgo wrote:This is so funny as a title to me. I have never met a more weak character than a person with NPD.
They despise what they percieve weakness but it is a shell, a superficial idea of what they percieve of what is strong and what is weak.

I have a perfect example of this in my own experience.

This is one area I feel very strong about because I detest a weak man.
NPD's can not truly value something they do not understand that something is.

Cowardice is something I believe most NPD's actually know they are but pretend they are not.

Agree. The covert NPD in my life pretended like she liked strength and power, as evident by her choice in vulgar music and admiration of people with power and money / fame.. However, behind closed doors she was an insecure child with limited ability to understand what power meant.

Her values around this were based on popular opinions in culture and people of prestige that told her what to value and how to value it. To her, it was being seen as a nice person that would never put down weak or fat people.. However, in her personal life she weighed herself down TO THE OUNCE at least 3-4 times per day and was constantly perfecting her hairstyle and expensive wardrobe. On one angle she portrayed a disdain for vanity and the powerful, on the other she practiced it like a professional.

A true walking contradiction.

Now, when it comes to the discard phase, they certainly take this mixed bag of emotional ineptitude and conflicting feelings to FEEL powerful and discard. In that sense, the people closest to them that have needs, may be moody (like everyone else in the world) or may have different goals or values (true values not vain ones), become powerless and weak in their eyes. The day we settled into marriage and started talking about responsibilities that may indicate weakness (like me leaving my high paying job to try something new that would have doubled or tripled my salary), or her sacrificing a small part of her career to have a child or be more attentive, was the day she was empowered to leave.

So yes, they do have delusions of power, fame and a perfect life, but they also instinctively KNOW that they can't attain them as behind the power play is a weak shell of a human being, devoid of emotion or an ability to TRULY be happy. When the true self senses the danger of being exposed by a loved one, they take that internal rage to discard and devalue and to reassert their delusion of power. It must feel like the only time they are alive. That is why I have NO HOPE that this divorce won't happen, because from her perspective she hasn't felt better. I can't wait till the inevitable crash happens.

What DCEE is conveying. Exactly. My exN established strength and power with popular culture and specific societies standards. As if he read it on the internet on Yahoo news. I truly suspect this. Everything was text book in this degree. One moment he was adding stars to his profanity words like sh*t because it was the trendy thing to do. But he would do this EXACTLY to the tee as if he had no mind of his own. I think this was a part of his NPD.

I remember he would tell me that when he was 14 he read his sisters Masters and Johnson book on sex and studied it. He would always follow his rule that woman should be sexually pleasured before himself. Nothing was ever organic or natural. It was almost in some ways robotic.

When I was growing up we had name for this. Poseur or wannabee comes to mind. Someone who wants to be but really is not.

Strength that is to be admired comes from within. It is an inner strength that is without pretension. I can't explain it. DCEE maybe you know what I mean. It belongs in the arena of something spiritual or of the spirit. This is real strength. It was completely lost on my exN.

Yet I see it in my friends and in my son.
I think I've lost my inner being.