Need to contradict and unwillingness to obey

I always feel the need to contradict and criticize anything anyone says and often play the devil's advocate.I consider myself shy so when I don't know someone I'll be polite but moment I begin feeling safer I'll start doing it.It's like I just can't admit I agree with someone.Even if I say I agree I'll make up a different reason for it or disagree on something else.

I also hate taking demands,especially with people close to me.If someone tells me to do something, I won't do it even if I actually don't mind and it gets me in conflicts.For example, few weeks ago my father repeatedly asked me to wash the dishes and I said "I will" everytime(I never had real intention of doing it) so he asked me "What is stopping you right now?" and I just took a hand cream of the table and started applying it on my hands.Things like that happen all the time.

I wonder if it is a narcissistic trait or just my quirk because I was always very stubborn but I never bothered to change it because it was considered somewhat positive by my father.

I can understand that. When people ask me to do favors I have genuine trouble remembering to do them (mainly because it's just that....a favor...there is no benefit for me). I don't necessarily have that problem with people that are close to me, but I've had trouble in the past with people that were authority figures over me. Academics, bosses. Although I comply, because showing attitude gets you in trouble there is something inside me that is bothered. I hate the feeling of being used, taken advantage of, and sometimes I want to go in the other person's mind and rip whatever thoughts they have about being better than me.
In my undergrad, I had a lot of lab TA's who were merely two years or so older than me and they would act like they had complete power over me and it pissed me off.

I especially have trouble with law enforcement, I can hide attitude from everyone but them. I just feel like in their heads they have this immense power, and they do, and I want to take it away from them and show them who's boss.

the thing is, it isn't so much that they have the power, society has the power to exert rules and conventions on its citizens - they're just more pawns in the game. of course they are not "better than you" but if you want to play the game...

I probably contradict people too if I think they're trying to control me. But really, if you get people who act in ways you dislike in life, sometimes if it isn't the kind of power game you like to play, you have to learn to walk away. The problem I find is because of my demographic I find almost everyone who tries to play any power game with me plays one I don't want to. Or maybe my social skills just look very good in some ways but are actually very limited.

katana wrote:the thing is, it isn't so much that they have the power, society has the power to exert rules and conventions on its citizens - they're just more pawns in the game. of course they are not "better than you" but if you want to play the game...

I probably contradict people too if I think they're trying to control me. But really, if you get people who act in ways you dislike in life, sometimes if it isn't the kind of power game you like to play, you have to learn to walk away. The problem I find is because of my demographic I find almost everyone who tries to play any power game with me plays one I don't want to. Or maybe my social skills just look very good in some ways but are actually very limited.

I know they are just pawns. Police are pawns, professors are pawns, teachers are pawns. I don't think it's the power that society has given them, it's the idea that they're having fun with the power I think that bothers me. If you've ever seen a new teacher, they are quite smitten sometimes. It's just that reaction I hate. It's new found pride, and you don't usually see it in teachers that have worked for a long time. If that makes sense.

pinkluver101105 wrote:

katana wrote:the thing is, it isn't so much that they have the power, society has the power to exert rules and conventions on its citizens - they're just more pawns in the game. of course they are not "better than you" but if you want to play the game...

I probably contradict people too if I think they're trying to control me. But really, if you get people who act in ways you dislike in life, sometimes if it isn't the kind of power game you like to play, you have to learn to walk away. The problem I find is because of my demographic I find almost everyone who tries to play any power game with me plays one I don't want to. Or maybe my social skills just look very good in some ways but are actually very limited.

I know they are just pawns. Police are pawns, professors are pawns, teachers are pawns. I don't think it's the power that society has given them, it's the idea that they're having fun with the power I think that bothers me. If you've ever seen a new teacher, they are quite smitten sometimes. It's just that reaction I hate. It's new found pride, and you don't usually see it in teachers that have worked for a long time. If that makes sense.

For me it's more about their pride in being authority figure too.I just can't stand their imperative tone of voice and that pompous body language.

-- Sat Jul 27, 2013 11:09 pm --

pinkluver101105 wrote:

katana wrote:the thing is, it isn't so much that they have the power, society has the power to exert rules and conventions on its citizens - they're just more pawns in the game. of course they are not "better than you" but if you want to play the game...

I probably contradict people too if I think they're trying to control me. But really, if you get people who act in ways you dislike in life, sometimes if it isn't the kind of power game you like to play, you have to learn to walk away. The problem I find is because of my demographic I find almost everyone who tries to play any power game with me plays one I don't want to. Or maybe my social skills just look very good in some ways but are actually very limited.

I know they are just pawns. Police are pawns, professors are pawns, teachers are pawns. I don't think it's the power that society has given them, it's the idea that they're having fun with the power I think that bothers me. If you've ever seen a new teacher, they are quite smitten sometimes. It's just that reaction I hate. It's new found pride, and you don't usually see it in teachers that have worked for a long time. If that makes sense.

For me it's more about their pride in being authority figure too.I just can't stand their imperative tone of voice and that pompous body language.

-- Sat Jul 27, 2013 11:10 pm --

pinkluver101105 wrote:

katana wrote:the thing is, it isn't so much that they have the power, society has the power to exert rules and conventions on its citizens - they're just more pawns in the game. of course they are not "better than you" but if you want to play the game...

I probably contradict people too if I think they're trying to control me. But really, if you get people who act in ways you dislike in life, sometimes if it isn't the kind of power game you like to play, you have to learn to walk away. The problem I find is because of my demographic I find almost everyone who tries to play any power game with me plays one I don't want to. Or maybe my social skills just look very good in some ways but are actually very limited.

I know they are just pawns. Police are pawns, professors are pawns, teachers are pawns. I don't think it's the power that society has given them, it's the idea that they're having fun with the power I think that bothers me. If you've ever seen a new teacher, they are quite smitten sometimes. It's just that reaction I hate. It's new found pride, and you don't usually see it in teachers that have worked for a long time. If that makes sense.

For me it's more about their pride in being authority figure too.I just can't stand their imperative tone of voice and that pompous body language.

-- Sat Jul 27, 2013 11:10 pm --

pinkluver101105 wrote:

katana wrote:the thing is, it isn't so much that they have the power, society has the power to exert rules and conventions on its citizens - they're just more pawns in the game. of course they are not "better than you" but if you want to play the game...

I probably contradict people too if I think they're trying to control me. But really, if you get people who act in ways you dislike in life, sometimes if it isn't the kind of power game you like to play, you have to learn to walk away. The problem I find is because of my demographic I find almost everyone who tries to play any power game with me plays one I don't want to. Or maybe my social skills just look very good in some ways but are actually very limited.

I know they are just pawns. Police are pawns, professors are pawns, teachers are pawns. I don't think it's the power that society has given them, it's the idea that they're having fun with the power I think that bothers me. If you've ever seen a new teacher, they are quite smitten sometimes. It's just that reaction I hate. It's new found pride, and you don't usually see it in teachers that have worked for a long time. If that makes sense.

For me it's more about their pride in being authority figure too.I just can't stand their imperative tone of voice and that pompous body language.

-- Sat Jul 27, 2013 11:10 pm --

pinkluver101105 wrote:

katana wrote:the thing is, it isn't so much that they have the power, society has the power to exert rules and conventions on its citizens - they're just more pawns in the game. of course they are not "better than you" but if you want to play the game...

I probably contradict people too if I think they're trying to control me. But really, if you get people who act in ways you dislike in life, sometimes if it isn't the kind of power game you like to play, you have to learn to walk away. The problem I find is because of my demographic I find almost everyone who tries to play any power game with me plays one I don't want to. Or maybe my social skills just look very good in some ways but are actually very limited.

I know they are just pawns. Police are pawns, professors are pawns, teachers are pawns. I don't think it's the power that society has given them, it's the idea that they're having fun with the power I think that bothers me. If you've ever seen a new teacher, they are quite smitten sometimes. It's just that reaction I hate. It's new found pride, and you don't usually see it in teachers that have worked for a long time. If that makes sense.

For me it's more about their pride in being authority figure too.I just can't stand their imperative tone of voice and that pompous body language.

-- Sat Jul 27, 2013 11:12 pm --

pinkluver101105 wrote:

katana wrote:the thing is, it isn't so much that they have the power, society has the power to exert rules and conventions on its citizens - they're just more pawns in the game. of course they are not "better than you" but if you want to play the game...

I probably contradict people too if I think they're trying to control me. But really, if you get people who act in ways you dislike in life, sometimes if it isn't the kind of power game you like to play, you have to learn to walk away. The problem I find is because of my demographic I find almost everyone who tries to play any power game with me plays one I don't want to. Or maybe my social skills just look very good in some ways but are actually very limited.

I know they are just pawns. Police are pawns, professors are pawns, teachers are pawns. I don't think it's the power that society has given them, it's the idea that they're having fun with the power I think that bothers me. If you've ever seen a new teacher, they are quite smitten sometimes. It's just that reaction I hate. It's new found pride, and you don't usually see it in teachers that have worked for a long time. If that makes sense.

For me it's more about their pride in being authority figure too.I just can't stand their imperative tone of voice and that pompous body language.

-- Sat Jul 27, 2013 11:12 pm --

pinkluver101105 wrote:

katana wrote:the thing is, it isn't so much that they have the power, society has the power to exert rules and conventions on its citizens - they're just more pawns in the game. of course they are not "better than you" but if you want to play the game...

I probably contradict people too if I think they're trying to control me. But really, if you get people who act in ways you dislike in life, sometimes if it isn't the kind of power game you like to play, you have to learn to walk away. The problem I find is because of my demographic I find almost everyone who tries to play any power game with me plays one I don't want to. Or maybe my social skills just look very good in some ways but are actually very limited.

I know they are just pawns. Police are pawns, professors are pawns, teachers are pawns. I don't think it's the power that society has given them, it's the idea that they're having fun with the power I think that bothers me. If you've ever seen a new teacher, they are quite smitten sometimes. It's just that reaction I hate. It's new found pride, and you don't usually see it in teachers that have worked for a long time. If that makes sense.

For me it's more about their pride in being authority figure too.I just can't stand their imperative tone of voice and that pompous body language.

Bovary wrote:
For me it's more about their pride in being authority figure too.I just can't stand their imperative tone of voice and that pompous body language.

Exactly. I think sometimes I just want to show them who's boss. I want to wipe that pride from them and show them they really have nothing and I could do exactly what they're doing, even better.

pinkluver101105 wrote:I know they are just pawns. Police are pawns, professors are pawns, teachers are pawns. I don't think it's the power that society has given them, it's the idea that they're having fun with the power I think that bothers me. If you've ever seen a new teacher, they are quite smitten sometimes. It's just that reaction I hate. It's new found pride, and you don't usually see it in teachers that have worked for a long time. If that makes sense.

ah ok. yeah i suppose it does, but its interesting cause that kind of pride is different to the pompous kind.

Bovary wrote:For me it's more about their pride in being authority figure too.I just can't stand their imperative tone of voice and that pompous body language.

that i can understand - im sure you're far from alone there.

pinkluver101105 wrote:Exactly. I think sometimes I just want to show them who's boss. I want to wipe that pride from that and show them they really have nothing and I could do exactly what they're doing, even better.

nah, i probably couldn't - i wouldn't have the patience and many of their jobs i just wouldn't do. what pisses me off is probably that as things are, the pathetic goody-goody paper pushers and obedient little sycophants have the upper hand - and they sure as hell know it. and yes, i could probably list plenty of reasons why i'd call them pathetic, but the other thing that gets me is their supporting trying to make the rest of us pathetic too by preventing people who don't fit that typical route and thrive on a safe easy routine life from fulfilling their potential in whatever way. Just think of me as another angry misfit, lol.

I'm like that also. I can admit when I agree with someone, but a lot of times I always have something to add to it myself. I also get confrontational when someone tries to correct me or disagree with me. For example, I have a tendency to road rage a little bit, and my fiancé will tell me that I need to slow down or back off of somebody, and even if I know I was riding their ass or going way too fast, I'll still argue and say that I was moving with traffic or that I wasn't going THAT fast or something.
I also have some problems with authority. I become argumentative when people tell me to do something rather than ask. My fiancé has a habit of trying to tell me what to do on really pointless matters, like what route to take somewhere, or he'll tell me to get off my phone. I take offense to things like that. I'm not a child, I'll do what I please, and because you're TELLING me to do it, I'm not going to.

I have a problem with people in authority who are unintelligent, unperceptive and use their position to become control freaks.

I dislike people with ''tunnel vision'' who do not know when to bend the rules or not, when in their positions of power; those who blindly stick to regulations when doing so lacks wisdom and may be to the detriment of all concerned.

I remember once getting vvv drunk, cos I was an emotional mess ( r'ship problem with my exN) and I gave some girl-friends a lift to a club. The Police pulled me over and threw me into a paddy-wagon and took me to the station. I turned psychotic on them ( having had a couple of benzo's with alcohol). I ranted and raged, screamed and shouted at the police, wept and swore as I awaited the breathalyser test result.
After considerable delay a kindly older police-man informed me ''the machine was broken''....
He drove me home. I calmed down and spilled my guts out to him.....
He referred me to counselling......
Looking back , had he been one of those who blindly followed the rules/regulations I would have ended up losing my license, being fined, maybe in jail.
He was perceptive to know the whole incident was out of character for me.
I will be forever grateful to that man for handling the situation as he did.
People like this in power do not bother me at all

lolidk wrote:I'm like that also. I can admit when I agree with someone, but a lot of times I always have something to add to it myself.

That could be perfectly normal. You might have a slightly different perspective on it. It also shows you have thoughts and you think about what you try to communicate.

lolidk wrote:I also get confrontational when someone tries to correct me or disagree with me. For example, I have a tendency to road rage a little bit, and my fiancé will tell me that I need to slow down or back off of somebody, and even if I know I was riding their ass or going way too fast, I'll still argue and say that I was moving with traffic or that I wasn't going THAT fast or something.
I also have some problems with authority. I become argumentative when people tell me to do something rather than ask. My fiancé has a habit of trying to tell me what to do on really pointless matters, like what route to take somewhere, or he'll tell me to get off my phone. I take offense to things like that. I'm not a child, I'll do what I please, and because you're TELLING me to do it, I'm not going to.

Do you have oppositional defiant disorder?

doodler wrote:I have a problem with people in authority who are unintelligent, unperceptive and use their position to become control freaks.

I dislike people with ''tunnel vision'' who do not know when to bend the rules or not, when in their positions of power; those who blindly stick to regulations when doing so lacks wisdom and may be to the detriment of all concerned.

Yeah that's probably not the best way to handle stuff in a lot of cases, and being stupid and unperceptive aren't great credentials for being in control of situations. I think its a problem with the idea of "authority" because instead of listening to the person who is talking the most sense, people have to listen to the one with the right badge/title/etc.