BPD hating NPD

I use this website as I have been diagnosed as having BPD. Myself and others with BPD, often speak about how we are attracted to those with NPD yet at the same time, hating them. I was just wondering, do you have similar feeling towards those with BPD?
myself
I have also just realised that like myself, other people with a different personality disorder need compassion and empathy and now I feel ashamed at myself for instantly hating NPDs without trying to understand

It's a toxic combination that's for sure.

BPD are easy to us, because they're so sensitive to emotions, that basically means the buttons we push are much bigger, and much more effective.

I'm actively trying and will try in my next relationship to keep the narcissist in me under control, but if that next relationship is with BPD, it'll make it very difficult for me to resist.

If BPD are attracted to NPD, it's probably because they are idealistic enough to believe fully all that we say about ourselves. You want perfect? We got a lot of that! And hate, well first few paragraphs explain that really.

*edited to duck out of convo*

Oh goodness, BPD and NPD is a very toxic combination. My husband is a recently diagnosed BPD and I'm a recently diagnosed NPD, so yes, I'd say it's true that there's an attraction. He needs someone dominant and opinionated, and I need a narcissistic supply and someone that worships me and compliments me excessively. He attached to me (like BPDs do) and I loved it. I'm literally the only person he needs and that makes me as a Narcissist feel amazing. I never understood why I had a connection with him that I had never felt before, but now I understand. I do love him, but I have to control myself from using him.
I don't want to hurt him, and I think I might have already done a little damage before either of us were diagnosed. I used to purposely do things to make him jealous, which as a BPD, was probably devastating to him, and I feel bad for it. I'm very careful and try to be more supportive now that I understand why he's so sensitive. (It's rare for me to feel that way) I do think he's made me a slightly better person, since people have told me that I seem happier and a little more caring since I've been with him.
I don't have any hatred towards people with BPD, and I actually feel sympathy towards them, since I've seen how my husband struggles. His emotions are so intense and he has such a massive fear of abandonment. It's weird, because he is probably the only person that I feel such love and compassion towards. I love my him, my mom, and my brother, and that's about it (I still have issues with empathy and stuff with my mom and brother though).

I would like to add that not all Narcissists are monsters. Although my nature is to manipulate, exploit, little empathy, etc., I do have times where I feel empathy for people. Like one time, I saw a lonely old man that I went and talked to, with no intention of using him. I also absolutely love animals.

While BPD and NPD are different disorders, they tend to display some similar behaviors. I personally tend tend to hate anyone I feel has one-upped me or ###$ me over with a burning passion, so I would assume that it would be similar to that. Those with BPD tend to be really needy, and that makes them easy targets for someone who has NPD. I guess I'm sort of in between. My diagnoses is NPD with traits of BPD, and I've noticed that when I find someone that I get a steady supply from, unlike most with NPD who don't think twice before discarding someone, I don't want to lose my supply, and the thought of doing so makes me pretty anxious. I think that's partially one of those BPD traits, and that it would probably make even me a good target for someone that was maybe more of a sociopathic type. That being said, the previous poster is right...not all of us who have NPD are monsters. I am, at times, capable of being a good human being, and sometimes even expressing empathy towards certain situations, and find myself feeling victimized at times just as nons do.

Narcissists and Borderlines fit together like a hand in a glove. And yes, we have the same love-hate relationship with you Borderlines that you have with us Narcissists. Both seem to be created by the same thing, which is a feeling during their formative years that there's no one out there who loves them unconditionally, or who loves them for just being themselves. The Narcissist is created when parental figures seem to condition their love based on the Narcissist being "perfect" as the parental figure defines perfection. The Borderline is created when parental figures have no discernible system for doling out love, and will respond to the same act by the Borderline on different occasions by giving love sometimes and withholding love other times. The Borderline then is looking to be loved by something that cannot love (the Narcissist) because she is replaying her the trauma of her upbringing, while the Narcissist is looking for a partner who will provide him with unconditional love, no matter what he does, which usually includes ignoring the Borderline's wants and needs, cheating on her, etc. The two will never be truly intimate, which makes both more comfortable, because both have defenses that are triggered by the threat of intimacy, for different reasons. Neither is a monster, despite what some pop-psychologist on a website will tell you in order to sell books. Both are just deeply damaged human beings.

VirginiaEsquire wrote:Narcissists and Borderlines fit together like a hand in a glove. And yes, we have the same love-hate relationship with you Borderlines that you have with us Narcissists. Both seem to be created by the same thing, which is a feeling during their formative years that there's no one out there who loves them unconditionally, or who loves them for just being themselves. The Narcissist is created when parental figures seem to condition their love based on the Narcissist being "perfect" as the parental figure defines perfection. The Borderline is created when parental figures have no discernible system for doling out love, and will respond to the same act by the Borderline on different occasions by giving love sometimes and withholding love other times. The Borderline then is looking to be loved by something that cannot love (the Narcissist) because she is replaying her the trauma of her upbringing, while the Narcissist is looking for a partner who will provide him with unconditional love, no matter what he does, which usually includes ignoring the Borderline's wants and needs, cheating on her, etc. The two will never be truly intimate, which makes both more comfortable, because both have defenses that are triggered by the threat of intimacy, for different reasons. Neither is a monster, despite what some pop-psychologist on a website will tell you in order to sell books. Both are just deeply damaged human beings.

This post deserves a *like* button. Well said.

Personal experience:

I don't feel like I've really fitted into either of those patterns but my actions can sometimes be so full of $#%^ that as far as another person is concerned, I might as well be e.g. borderline because I have a tendency to treats life like a fantasy world even though I do know the difference. I think it has to do with relying heavily on my imagination both because I tend to isolate myself, and also because I have long term PTSD/dissociative disorder which has stopped me from being able to "succeed" (not in the social-expectation sense, in the general one) in reality. I think my PD traits make the trauma symptoms awkward to treat in an interpersonal setting because I can't utilise standard therapy. Grab the moment of honesty before I also put the underpants back on my head, lol.

I just stay away from Narcs at all cost. They are a hinderance to my recovery. I feel bad cause every mental illness should be treated with empathy, however, that doesn't mean they aren't toxic.