It feels like no one's here

It feels like no one's here.

I am here - do you want to talk?

Cracked

Yes.

Thank you.

I am here - chat away

Hugs

Cracked

I've decided to leave the state.

I'm a bit nervous about it, but I cannot live the way I've been living.

It is so bizarre that my mother has worked so diligently to turn my entire family away from me, chisel my life down to what it's become, and then continues to violate my privacy. I find it ridiculous that she wants me "gone" but still will not let go. I guess it's not all that bizarre, considering her mental condition, however. I'm her source for getting attention. She actually had my sister look up my former landlord's phone number! If she wanted it, I have it. But it adds to her drama to involve my sister in some ridiculous "scheme" about something having to do with my life.

I decided yesterday that it's time for me to go. Time to leave town. I've resisted it for a while, but it is the best decision.

It sounds like you have made your mind up about this and it sounds like you are coming from a difficult situation to say the least. Are you having any help professionally to deal with this? If not is it something you would consider when you move as I think it would help you to talk about your experiences.

Cracked

Do you have a safety net waiting for you somewhere, wordgirl?

I'm glad you feel strong enough to move on from your current situation. It's going to be hard at first but eventually it'll get easier.

Thank you CrackedGirl.

I definitely want and need to get therapy to deal with this.

I started seeing someone a few months ago, but I had to stop due to finances.
I liked her. I went through the intense evaluation which diagnosed me with PTSD due to years of abuse. I've thought of trying to find the finances to go back to that same therapist.
However, it seems now that I'll be relocating and will need to find a therapist where I go.

I'm a bit scared to relocate, but I'm also a bit intrigued by the prospect of it. I need to start living again. I need to do it far from my mother and family. I know this. A couple years ago I tried to relocate within the state and I actually found a sense of freedom being in a new town where my family didn't know where I was...and then they found out and things changed.
Where I'm planning on going now is far, out of state, and my mother and family will not easily find me. I wonder how common it might be to feel that the MSBP perpetrator will find their victim at any length. I feel ULTRA-protective about my personal information because it has always been violated by my mother and then she gives the information to the rest of the family (my siblings, which I refer to as her siblings). I have moved so many times over the past couple of years in an attempt to out-run them and each time one or more of them has looked me up on the internet and then directly violated my privacy/life.
I'm not sick! I wonder how common it might be for a MSBP victim to feel the need to state that. I have gotten clean bills of health - mental health - after having been hauled off to the psych ward at my mother's request to authorities (over little or nothing!). The assessments have always released me as healthy (only with trauma due to being abused). The last time - after my mother convinced my severly abusive boyfriend (now EX-boyfriend, thankfully) to have me court-ordered to a three-day hold at the psych-ward, the professionals at the hospital were dumbfounded as to why I was even there and I was discharged within twenty-four hours after undergoing numerous tests. My mother actually used my situation of being severely abused by a boyfriend as a way to have me deemed sick! What mother does that???? Answer: A mother who is herself ill with MSBP. When I was released from that particular hospital stint, the nurse and doctor said, "no one can ever do this to you again". Try telling my mother that. Even with a clean bill of health, the MSBP perpetrator will go to extreme lengths to convince illness.

The MSBP perpetrator will go to extreme lengths. This is why I must protect myself by getting as far away from her as possible.

I hope this all makes sense.

Thank you CrackedGirl.

I didn't see your last post the last time I posted.

I appreciate that you say it will be difficult at first but that it will get easier with time.
I'm kind of afraid to move so far.
I do have a place to land when I get there, a friend actually invited me.

I know my home town very well. I'm 44...getting to know a new city could be a challenge. But it could also be freeing.
Sometimes I'm ready to go, sometimes I get scared.

It sounds like your provacy is being severely invaded. Is there anything legal you could do about this at all? I am not sure if there is but it might be worth looking into as it sounds like your family's behaviour is totally inappropriate.

Hugs

Cracked