AgoraphobicAngel (HI)

Hi. I'm new here & not all that sure if I truly belong. I have a few emotional/mental problems. I live with my mom & on most days she's the only other human I see. I can't go into town or to an appointment anywhere without her being there. She's my "safety person". Does anyone else have that problem?
I don't do well in crowds, always feel like I'm boring so I don't talk. I feel like everyone is watching me just waiting for me to screw up somehow. I have always been this way, as far back as I can remember. I don't work because of it. Can't seem to hold down a job. I suffer anxiety attacks & spend a lot of time in my room with only my computer & cat for company.
I hope to get support here, offer some of my own too. Perhaps make a friend or two as well.

I live in Canada, Nova Scotia to be exact. I was born here (well not in Nova Scotia, but in Canada), & moved here in 2006. It's peaceful here..........But lonely. Although, it feels like my life has always been lonely.

I hope to get to know some of you really well...... My name is Teri, by the way.

Hi,

There are many Canadians here but you're the first I know of who lives in Nova Scotia. I was agoraphobic while growing up though, and I still have remnants agoraphobic thoughts to this day, at 27 years of age. My brother is my dafety net when I am in 'nervy' situations, If I have to be on my own, I'll have to be holding onto something like a rail or even just a book or something. The mere concept of holding something makes me feel more secure. I used to never go outside of the house either, except for school.

From your position, there is a way out of all of this. Set your target in the future of where you want to be, and then begin thinking about how you can get there. You must start trying to be 'free' of yuor mother though, if even for a few minutes. For example, the next time you are both out, just ask her if it's okay for you to walk around on your own for a few minutes (but to then meet back at a certain point later). See how it feels to be independent and choosing your own route around the place.

Take care,
Kevin

I can relate because my social anxiety keeps me home a lot. It sounds like your mother is very supportive of you.

I don't have agoraphobia but I do have a strong aversion to going out due to social anxiety, avoidance, etc. I can perform my routine tasks like going to classes (where I endeavor to remain as inconspicuous as possible) autonomously, but everything else is quite difficult. Extreme social isolation is lonely and discouraging, indeed.

I second Chucky's advice, it's essentially graduated exposure therapy. Someplace calm and without large crowds would be my suggestion, like the park (which could be particularly calming with the "natural" setting; just work up the courage for a short walk around away from your mother and head back when it is intolerable. Over time, as you become more used to autonomous social exposure you can perform exercises of greater and greater independence. You can also try certain relaxation methods, such as diaphragm breathing and progressive muscle relaxation, particularly in union with autonomy exercises to induce a relaxed, less anxious state.

If you do happen to have an anxiety attack, please don't let that discourage you, it will just serve to perpetuate the agoraphobia. It is important to continue to have confidence in yourself and the ability to change. You may (strongly) consider seeing a therapist (you can be accompanied by your mother, and eventually if you feel more comfortable just go alone) to assist you, but ultimately it's your own effort which will accomplish meaningful change.

Snowball wrote:If you do happen to have an anxiety attack, please don't let that discourage you, it will just serve to perpetuate the agoraphobia. It is important to continue to have confidence in yourself and the ability to change.

Yes, this is significant when recovering from all sorts of conditions (addictions especially). When people hit a setback, it can really throw them off course. However, setbacks should be expected. The path to recovery is never smooth, but never let setbacks scupper you or throw you off coursse. See them as positive - and indeed see every negative as having positive(s) if you can - and learn from them.

Kevi

Hi Teri,

I know how it feels to be agoraphobic, I used to struggle walking from where I was living to my fiancée's house only 2 doors away. I still rarely leave the comfort of my room and only have a laptop and dog for company (well he sometimes leaves, he's not one for bringing his toys upstairs).
But now thankfully I have got through the tough bits and have managed to break away from my fiancée so much and am like snowball, I manage to go to my lessons at college even though I hate crowds and just try to make myself as invisible as I could possibly make myself. I usually listen to my music if I feel an anxiety attack coming on, I get so wrapped up in it I find I can get completely distracted.
I've never known anyone from Canada before, what's it like over there? I live in the middle of the UK and I've lived in the same city for all my life.
I hope you're not feeling so lonely, take care,
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