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Need help with insight into gaming-related issue..

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Need help with insight into gaming-related issue..

Postby shipwrecked heart » Sat Apr 13, 2019 9:37 pm

Frankly, I’ve been in a rough spot for a few years now in regard to gaming. It’d been a slow decline for a while before that but it wasn’t until I started a game called League of Legends that things really took a turn for the worse.

When I was younger, I was a really avid console gamer. I had all three sixth (?) generation consoles but but my favorite was the Playstation 2. I had myriad games for the thing, I’ve beaten Final Fantasy X and XII about 8.3 million times, and I played plenty of other excellent titles. I had a PS2 nearly from the day it was released until the launch of the Xbox 360. Not the exact same one for the whole time but you get what I mean.

Anyhow, I eventually got a laptop that could run.. semi-decent games. I was able to check out this game I’d heard of called League of Legends. I picked up the game not long after the SpectateFaker fiasco. Right after the release of Illaoi. Since then, I’ve been muted, suspended, or permanently banned more times than I can remember. My latest account isn’t even fully leveled and it’s currently serving a two week suspension because of a game I played last night where I completely mega-raged.

So naturally it’s for the betterment of the game and myself to quit. But I’ve been trying to quit for at least two years now. I uninstall, reinstall, uninstall, reinstall. It’s not on my computer now but in two weeks’ time it’ll prolly be right back on my hard drive.

More to the point, I have to force myself to play single-player games.

For example, I started Fallout: New Vegas at least three or four years ago. I am just now reaching the Divide. I just this week had the conversation with the main antagonist at the missile silo. So I’m not even in the actual Divide yet. And it took me almost half a decade to get even that far!

If it isn’t a persistent online game that I can obsess over every day, post on it’s subreddit every day, with some sort of persistent progression that I can show off, I can’t make myself get into it. It’s not just LoL, it’s World of Warcraft, or Path of Exile, or Warframe.

I do get the urge to go back to games like Fallout or Final Fantasy X but there’s always this voice in the back of my head that asks’s the question: what’s the point? You’ll finish it and then what? It’s done, it’s over. You have nothing to show for it.

You don’t have to tell me these things are silly but it stands that I can’t shake it. My interest in playing games by myself, for myself, has basically run dry. But it doesn’t stop there.

Watching anime, reading books, I barely do anything I used to do. Either I’m playing League of Legends and it’s basically taking over my entire life or I’m not playing it and I feel empty and bored. I can’t find interest in anything else with it or without it. A few times I’ve quit solely because of that: the fact that it takes over my life. But again as soon as I quit I mope around feeling hopeless until I eventually come back.

I’m hoping someone here might have some insight into what’s wrong with me and maybe can provide some advice on how to find newer, better relationships with my hobbies?
On my knees in a hundred dollar suit
Some think it holy, some just crazy
as the lightening provides glimpses of me
praying in the rain
Shipwrecked hearts start sailing
I wanna see my home again
Praying in the rain
See the ghosts start sailing
shipwrecked heart
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Re: Need help with insight into gaming-related issue..

Postby thelast » Mon Apr 15, 2019 6:05 am

Hi, can I ask what was that mega-rage about?
thelast
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Re: Need help with insight into gaming-related issue..

Postby shipwrecked heart » Wed Apr 17, 2019 3:22 am

thelast wrote:Hi, can I ask what was that mega-rage about?
Frustrated with losing. I can’t handle losing at online games. I hate the feeling that someone thinks they’re better than me because they beat me. Even though I know that’s not actually a big deal. It’s like a visceral trigger.
On my knees in a hundred dollar suit
Some think it holy, some just crazy
as the lightening provides glimpses of me
praying in the rain
Shipwrecked hearts start sailing
I wanna see my home again
Praying in the rain
See the ghosts start sailing
shipwrecked heart
Consumer 3
Consumer 3
 
Posts: 76
Joined: Wed Nov 14, 2012 12:41 pm
Local time: Mon Apr 22, 2019 1:46 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


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