Why Do I Hate Being Touched?

I wasn't sure where to post this but here it is. I HATE being touched. The very few instances during which people do touch me, I feel an immediate urge to push them away. I don't like kissing, shaking hands, or having someone's arm around me, and it makes me really uncomfortable when people hug me, even my own freaking parents. Needless to mention, I find sex repulsive. This isn't to say that if you touch me I'll knock you out, but I would really prefer it if you didn't. People have to literally force me to touch them, i.e. grabbing my hand or pulling me into a hug, or else I would never do it. I've been this way for as long as I can remember, and to my knowledge I've never been sexually abused or anything like that. Physical contact just feels unnatural to me and to an extent it makes me feel like people are violating my personal space, even when the way they touch me is completely appropriate.
Although I don't think this is an enormous problem in my life, I find it sad that I can't even stand it when my loved ones touch me. I think this also affects how people see me, in the sense that I appear cold, unloving, and detached. That in itself makes me awkward to be around. In addition, because of my issues with affection, as well as my asexuality, I don't know if I'll ever be capable of maintaining a romantic relationship (I'm 23 and have never been in one).
I've been wondering...is there a name for this problem? Does anyone have a similar issue or understand the way I feel?

I'm in my 40s, and I have noticed that I don't like being hugged by family or relatives. The interesting thing is that I don't remember this being a problem when I was younger.

I don't think I was ever sexually molested or abused, so it's not PTSD. Somebody posted an article about Peter A. Levine's theory of trauma. He wrote a book called "Waking the Tiger". I can't find the search feature or I would link the post. Basically Levine believes that traumas that aren't released properly are stored and eventually accumulate until the person has serious problems. His own trauma was losing his mother when he was a toddler, but this didn't bite him until he was in his 30s.

Sometimes people just are as they are, and there's not pathology involved. Other people develop their responses as learnt behavior due to earlier childhood experiences, whilst others may have some kind of underlying issue such as aspergers, schizoid disorder or whatever. No one here can diagnose or even offer an opinion here because no one is here on a professional basis, and as you know, a diagnosis would need to involve one to one sessions with a qualified professional.

If this problem is really concerning you and you feel that it's impacting on the quality of your life, and that you're missing out on life experiences, then maybe you should see a professional? A professional can offer a diagnosis if needed or work with you in ways that allow you to accept yourself just as you are if you don't see the need for change.

I was like you, until I entered my first relationship and discovered that I'm okay with being touched by a romantic partner. I definitely have my limits, and try to avoid overly warm/affectionate people, but I'm not completely opposed to being touched (by a romantic partner) anymore. I do not want anyone else to touch me, and unfortunately, I have family members who feel it is permissible for them to caress my arms, back, hair and face. I feel extremely violated when they do this, and since I don't particularly like my family, I just avoid them altogether.

To answer your question: I understand and can relate to what you've expressed, but haven't found a name for this issue, because I don't think it is one. From my perspective, the only problem is that I must interact with people who do not respect the physical and emotional space of others.

masquerade wrote:If this problem is really concerning you and you feel that it's impacting on the quality of your life, and that you're missing out on life experiences, then maybe you should see a professional? A professional can offer a diagnosis if needed or work with you in ways that allow you to accept yourself just as you are if you don't see the need for change.

I completely agree!

I understand why you're frustrated. You may want to engage in a romantic relationship in the future, but you don't like being touched. Do you think that you could gradually be okay with, and perhaps eventually somewhat enjoy physical contact with someone you've been in a relationship with for a while? There are plenty of asexuals and even non-asexuals who dislike being touched. but perhaps with time, and with the right person, you could learn the like physical contact (with that person). personally, ive always hated physical contact, unless i initiate it. (which i rarely do). Do you think you'd be more comfortable with starting the contact rather than recieving it?

Relationships aside can I ask a few questions? Do you sleep under an abnormal amount of blankets? Do you find heavy bedding comforting even though you do not like being touched? Are you sensitive to sound? How about Light?

BonjourJakk wrote:Do you think you'd be more comfortable with starting the contact rather than recieving it?

Thanks for replying. I think I would be somewhat more comfortable initiating physical contact than receiving it. See...the thing is, I'm not really comfortable starting it either. I just have issues with touching in general. Also, because of some self-esteem issues I have, I don't usually feel desirable or lovable, and I think that's one reason why I'm put off by certain people touching me. However, I do think that if I was in a committed relationship for a while with a very patient and understanding person, I could grow to be okay with physical contact. I don't know if I could ever like it, but through experiencing it on a regular basis, I would become accustomed to it, thus the feeling wouldn't be so unnatural to me anymore.

specialK wrote:Relationships aside can I ask a few questions? Do you sleep under an abnormal amount of blankets? Do you find heavy bedding comforting even though you do not like being touched? Are you sensitive to sound? How about Light?

Interesting questions. I sleep with a blanket over me, usually covering me from head to toe. I don't know why, but I like to be completely covered while I sleep. I don't like heavy bedding though, unless I'm sleeping under the air on a hot night. I am very sensitive to sound, particularly repetitive noises (ex. a lawnmower running, kids playing outside, birds chirping). After a while, that stuff drives me a little crazy. I definitely have to sleep with earplugs. I also wear them while I'm reading at times to block out distracting noises. I don't think I'm much more sensitive to light than most people. However, I do prefer a dim room to a bright one. I'm curious...why do you ask? Do you think my sensitivity to touch is connected to my other senses?

Wilting Lily wrote:

specialK wrote:Relationships aside can I ask a few questions? Do you sleep under an abnormal amount of blankets? Do you find heavy bedding comforting even though you do not like being touched? Are you sensitive to sound? How about Light?

Interesting questions. I sleep with a blanket over me, usually covering me from head to toe. I don't know why, but I like to be completely covered while I sleep. I don't like heavy bedding though, unless I'm sleeping under the air on a hot night. I am very sensitive to sound, particularly repetitive noises (ex. a lawnmower running, kids playing outside, birds chirping). After a while, that stuff drives me a little crazy. I definitely have to sleep with earplugs. I also wear them while I'm reading at times to block out distracting noises. I don't think I'm much more sensitive to light than most people. However, I do prefer a dim room to a bright one. I'm curious...why do you ask? Do you think my sensitivity to touch is connected to my other senses?

I have a theory which I have not investigated enough to state clearly why-bare with me here. My husband sleeps with 80 pounds of blankets. I have personally put them on the scale. This is during summer as well. He also sleeps with a turbo fan on so high it dried my eyes out. He cannot stand noise or voices or light in the morning. You presented some similar traits. Now I was watching a program on babies born with sense perception issues. I suddenly thought of how my husband sounded like those troubled babies. I would place bet on my husband being born with sensory issues. I wish I knew more about the connection and any way of dealing with correction of senses.
I wonder if you were born with some sensory perception issues? I also wonder if your mum swaddled you and if it helped! I also wonder if doctors have made some connections with the babies and the adults with touch issues. I know I might be off topic but it could be connected. I want to know more as to help my husband deal better with life

I am a 34 year old mother of two girls and I avoid physical touch. I battle to have sex with my husband (its a wonder we have two children) and I never initiate it. I sleep with a heavy duvet and even need to be covered if I am sitting on the couch. I have to sleep with a loud fan on and also like my room dark. Playing music in the house drives me nuts especially if I'm not alone (I hate having to try have a conversation over the music). I don't hug my children (very very sad) and don't like it when my parents hug me. Kissing people hello is awful. I don't like sitting next to people that chew noisily and can't stand queues.
My daughter (3) has sensory integration disorder. She sleeps with a wonderful 3 kilogram blanket. She avoids hugs and kisses, doesn't feel pain easily and will have a melt down when there is too much sensory happenings. She was born that way, but I believe my sensory issues stem from my parents. I discovered my mother was having an affair when I was 12 years old. So from the onset of puberty, I have viewed touch and sexual relationships as a negative, dirty thing. It destroyed my wonderful family, so how can it be good?
Anyway, I wish I had an answer and I hope I find some solutions to this horrible curse as it is destroying my marriage and my relationship with my children