Trouble being able to feel empathy

I have trouble being able to feel empathy for others. Other humans, animals etc. The strange thing is it seems to come and go and has gotten worse latley as my empathy droughts are lasting longer.

The reason I think this is disturbing me is I know what it is like to feel empathy, because I have felt it before..that telepathy like feeling where you can share in anothers pain or joy.
Nothing really outrages or upsets me that happens to others anymore. I watched a video of soldiers tourturing a dog, I didnt feel anything, no anger, no sympathy. Nothing. it was like watching a commercial for a car or something else bland. My mom is sick, I also have trouble feeling empathy for her, which makes me feel like a terrible person. I have to remind myself to keep contact with my friends and hug and smile at them so they dont feel like Im rejecting them. Relatedly I have trouble feeling love, you know, that warm fuzzy feeling? I take care of my animals, but its like wiping off a tv screen or putting on a pair of socks, no emotion involved.

You would think this would make me into some efficient company shark or badass criminal but its just kind of annoying, a lot of work and makes me feel empty, innadequate and unable to relate, and have a hard time forming friendships. Im worried because I want to have a family and I am afraid I wouldnt be able to meet the emotional needs of a spouse or children.

I have read that oxytocin has been used to help autistic children bond with their parents and help people bond to each other. I have no doubt that their is some hormonal involvment in all this but I dont know where to start. Is there a treatment for this problem? I really want some medical help. (and please dont suggest talk therapy It hasnt done jack for me.)

Sarah007 wrote:I have trouble being able to feel empathy for others. Other humans, animals etc. The strange thing is it seems to come and go and has gotten worse latley as my empathy droughts are lasting longer.

The reason I think this is disturbing me is I know what it is like to feel empathy, because I have felt it before..that telepathy like feeling where you can share in anothers pain or joy.
Nothing really outrages or upsets me that happens to others anymore. I watched a video of soldiers tourturing a dog, I didnt feel anything, no anger, no sympathy. Nothing. it was like watching a commercial for a car or something else bland. My mom is sick, I also have trouble feeling empathy for her, which makes me feel like a terrible person. I have to remind myself to keep contact with my friends and hug and smile at them so they dont feel like Im rejecting them. Relatedly I have trouble feeling love, you know, that warm fuzzy feeling? I take care of my animals, but its like wiping off a tv screen or putting on a pair of socks, no emotion involved.

You would think this would make me into some efficient company shark or badass criminal but its just kind of annoying, a lot of work and makes me feel empty, innadequate and unable to relate, and have a hard time forming friendships. Im worried because I want to have a family and I am afraid I wouldnt be able to meet the emotional needs of a spouse or children.

I have read that oxytocin has been used to help autistic children bond with their parents and help people bond to each other. I have no doubt that their is some hormonal involvment in all this but I dont know where to start. Is there a treatment for this problem? I really want some medical help. (and please dont suggest talk therapy It hasnt done jack for me.)

Hi there. It seems you feel empathy; otherwise you wouldn't be so worried about it. Try not to over think it: you might go paranoid.

I don't think I'm over worrying about it. It is actually becoming a significant problem in my life that I want to manage.

Sarah007 wrote:I don't think I'm over worrying about it. It is actually becoming a significant problem in my life that I want to manage.

If you see it as a problem it's because you care. That's my point. If you didn't, would you be here discussing this? Probably not.

I also believe it's a problem. If you want to manage it you may have to first realize what you do and then change the way you respond to it. Try to figure out what situations you lack more empathy and then the next time act as you want people to see you - even if you don't mean it.

Empathy is an emotion. Can't be fabricated by meds but you can forge it. (in order to look "nice")

Agreeing with AsPdude, you do seem to be feeling some sort of emotion. It seems right now you are feeling guilt or sadness or shame that you aren't empathizing with others--which is in a way anticipating and feeling the hurt they'd feel at your 'rejections' of them. You are empathizing. It sounds like you're so anxious about feeling what you are supposed to that it might be getting in the way of feeling anything. Afterall, we have absolutely no control over what we feel.

I would recommend staying off uncensored media sites that show ongoing war footage uncensored, this can cause desensitization in the brain, much like what soldiers experience in war with post traumatic stress disorders from seeing things a human shouldn't see in their average lifetime.

War footage from any warzone can be traumatizing, obviously in middle eastern parts of the world dogs are not considered the same type of pets as in Western (American-Euro) society, often certain religious sects can treat them like pets others don't share that belief.

You have to understand in most current conflicts in the middle east, it involves certain social stigmas that are normal in those societies, finding animal abuse is not uncommon over there let alone human rights issues, they kill for religious beliefs as they want "paradise" for a majority of them they are living to die, I wouldn't recommend watching these videos if your troubled by the desensitization, it is a prevalent problem for the internet and younger generations having access to this material before being 18; however I think it still affects you greatly even after 18 to see the things publicly posted there, its a doubled edged sword because it also displays societies flaws, humans in general. We could end hunger in the world for 40 billion a year, yet our military is 700 billion per year budget, and we spend 6-7 trillion in last 10 years killing those types; which could have fed all hungry people in the world for 160+ years.

Try to avoid those videos/sites if you can, until you are more comfortable with the side-effects. I myself, as weird as this sounds, skip any titles about animal abuse videos on uncensored sites. I don't seem to have problem watching war footage, and putting into context the reality of the effects on the people involved, but its hard for me to even bother clicking into animal abuse videos they seem so helpless compared to humans just on a intelligence level that it prevents me from watching it. I would think thats a bit backwards, but just my personal perspective.. Wish you best of luck!

I have been "faking it" for quite some time now. Faking how I think I should act in a given situation has not helped foster love, attachment or empathy. Its just exhausting.

I dread my friends leaving not because I empathize with them exactly, but because if they go away I WILL BE LONELY. My anxiety is based on selfish motives.

Nowhere did I say I cant feel emotion, I can. But they are limited in many regards. There is something in my brain that has stopped working, which is obvious to me. Just because I am able to identify this change doesn't render the concern void.
I was hoping to find others who have had this problem but maybe it is rare??

Also @ versace
I dont think my lack of empathy comes from being desensitized by media, I don't watch a lot of violent stuff, the problem seems to have arisen separate from any media.

There can be many causes for a lack of empathy. If this is preventing you from engaging with others fully, and is causing you confusion or distress, or distress to those around you, you might want to speak to a professional with a view to discovering the underlying cause.

@Sarah007 I came across your post while searching for answers to this very same question! I feel reluctant to have found someone else who feels exactly the way I do. I also want you to know that none of the responses to your question are fulfilling to me either. This has nothing to do with media or anything else, its deeper than that. Whatever it is, I need to know. I recently went to therapy where I was told that the reason I have a hard time feeling empathy is because I do not feel for myself. Since I WANT to feel empathy is a good sign that there is hope for you and I. We have emotion and feelings, therfore our problem should be fixable.

If someone is sad about something, I feel nothing for them and I do not understand why. It makes me feel like a horrible person. I want to feel sad for them and empathize with them, but I just feel cold, like suck it up and get over it. But when its me, I want EVERYONE to feel sad for me. I am lonely in my life, I have a hard time making friends because I am a "bitch". I think I have just settled with that thought but it has gotten to a point where I dont want to be this person anymore and I want to be better.

I want to have a more fulfilling life and not masked with this hard surface to protect myself from pain. I have a hard time trusting people, I do not like liars, I dont even know who I AM. When I really look at myself, I am a selfish, fake person. The only friends I have are family. I just dont want to put the effort into keeping friends, it =feels like WORK to me. Talking on the phone is not something I enjoy doing.

If you have found some help since your post, I really hope that you will share.

Sarah007 wrote:Also @ versace
I dont think my lack of empathy comes from being desensitized by media, I don't watch a lot of violent stuff, the problem seems to have arisen separate from any media.

I understand, I never implied you watch "alot" of violent stuff, I was just raising the fact uncensored media sites that do show torture, execution and other uncensored media that normal sites don't show, like the video you mentioned, contribute to loss of empathy. Alot of war videos have same effect and has been discussed alot.

I wish you the best of luck in overcoming the grey areas your in.

stephani86 wrote:@Sarah007 This has nothing to do with media or anything else, its deeper than that.

This was referenced due to the fact she had brought up the uncensored abuse video or whatnot, I've never implied her problem was more "shallow" then watching people be killed then having loss of empathy, if thats the point you were trying to make I guess. Best of luck!

I'm sure posting here is a good outlet to find others who share similar feelings.