a little confused,dont know what to do.

ok well im in a little bind back home.im in another state about 5 hours from home right now.im staying with some friends/family while a couple friends back home see if they can get me out of the mess im in.


im thinking about staying here.i really dont have much back home anymore.only a couple friends and my sister.the rest of my friends and family turned against me.i only know like 6 people here.but if i go back home im gonna definately end up in jail wich is what im trying to avoid now.i have a friend that turned out not to be a friend.im gonna beat the $#%^ outta him when i get back there and his kid as well for running thier mouths.but i want this guys jaw broken to the point its wired shut for the rest of his life.this way he has to think of me everytime he eats or wants to talk to somebody.ya im a little pissed.plus a few other people may get a visit from me as well.


i dont know where anything is here.i have no vehicle right now so im stuck where i am unless somebody comes and gets me.i also have no money right now,i got 4 dollars to last me the week.i need cigarettes and they are 8 dollars a pack here.i really dont want to leave my sister though.we never really got along till within the last 6 months.

maybe a fresh start where nobody knows me would be a good thing?maybe a bad thing?kinda scared to meet new people though.its summer time and people have parties/BBQs everynight around here.you can just walk up and join in whether you know anybody or not.they just ask that you bring food,soda,snacks,beer or weed.you dont need to bring anything but the people here like it if you do.but im too scared.the people 2 houses down have been partying every night since i got here,but i wont go over.


i dont know what to do.any advice?

Hey again,

You're definately appearing a bit angrier in this post! - That's good though because it's good to get it out. You have already told me about your complex situation in your other thread but, as long as you aren't a socially anxious person, you should engage with the people around your neighbourhood. This is probaby one of those cases where you don't feel like doing something but, once you do it, you're glad you did.

Kevin

oh im socially anxious.get me in a group of people and i do anything i can to get away.i cant even be around more than 5 friends at a time.i start shaking,sweaty,cant breathe,headaches flare up.i get the "if i dont get out of here,im gonna die" feeling.then its fight or flight baby and i fly.wich is why im in the mess im in.

Bugger... ...I'm socially anxious too so I know how tough it is. I think the same principle applies though: You'll enjoy it, even though - right - now you can't imagine so.

but the more people i meet the more people i have to hurt me.im tired of being hurt by everybody i meet.so far everybody ive met in the last 8 years has hurt me.

I know that we're basically having two separate conversations here on the website (this thread and another) but it's only now that I've noticed your signature. What's this about a "traumatic brain injury"? (If you've already mentioned it somewhere, sorry for asking); and PTSD - How did that arise?

Kevin

sorry i probably shoulda kept both threads in one thread

brain injury i got hit in the back of the head by a truck when i was 5.almost killed me.my brain swelled enough to crack my skull but didnt crack it.hit me hard enough to knock me out of my shoes and threw me 50 feet down the road.driver got out,wiped his bumper off and got back in the truck and left.

back in 1987 my moms ex husband stabbed her 3 times in the heart.he was beating on my brothers and told me that if i told my mother he would kill her.i told her what he was doing and well he tried to kill her.after that everything went downhill fast.my mother and now husband got into drinking and smokeing crack.they used to get ###$ up and fight.they threw anything that wasnt nailed down at each other.ive had to duck cuz of flying objects everyday.very very very bad childhood.

i spent some time in a psych hospital,group home and foster homes.

That's pretty bad and it goes without saying tha no child should have to go through such a thing. A childhood is supposed to be a time when things are taken care of for us, and everything is 'safe'. You have missed out on this, so - I guess - you have had to mature faster than most of us. I'm sure you're a wise person though, Rich, because of all that has happened to you. Just think of all the people out there who don't know how tough life can REALLY get... ...You know it, and it has made you stronger.

Kevin

im wise enough to cut and run when i feel threatened.smart as hell with cars but im absolutely stupid when it comes to life.i cant cook,clean,do laundry and most of the basic things.i have to have somebody do everything for me.ive tried to learn how to do it myself but i screw it up everytime.hell i cant even pay my bills.someboy has to steal the money from me to pay them for me.

If I lived near you, I'd happily help you. Being a few thousand kilometers away, however, makes it difficult. Who's to say that you can't learn these things on your own anyway? I learned how to iron clothes by myself, and operating a washing-machine is easy. You have so much potential - don't let it go to waste. There might be something deep down inside you that is crying out for a change. Let it bubble to your surface and breath.

Kevin.