Vegetarian Jokes

Hello Cracked !

*waves*


Q: How many vegetarians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two – one to change it and one to check for animal ingredients.


To attract a vegetarian, make a noise like a wounded vegetable.


Q: How many vegetarians does it take to eat a cow?
A: One if nobody's looking.


Vegetarian : A person who only eats side dishes.


Whenever I'm near an uptight vegan, I tend to walk on eggshells...which really upsets them.


A vegetarian has a carrot sticking out of one ear, celery out of the other, and a mushroom up his nose.
He goes to the doctor and asks him what's wrong.
The doctor tells him, "Well, for one thing, you're not eating right."


I bought my sister "Chicken Soup for the Vegetarian Soul." She's not a vegetarian, but she loves irony.

I was at a vegetarian diner. The guy next to me was eating their famous Nine Bean Chili with grilled tofu chunks and melted soy cheese on top along with a tall glass of soy milk.
So basically he's eating beans mixed with chunks of beans with beans melted on top and washed down with a nice, cold glass of beans.
He may be healthy but he ain't gonna be popular.


Vegetarians caught stealing corn from a garden can also be charged with stalking.


Goose to a priest : "Father, tell the truth - is there life after Christmas?"


With all this crap they put in meat, like hormones for fast growing, antibiotics, etc... we will all go down, there's only the vegetarians that will survive - so let me give you a good piece of advice: if you want to eat some healthy meat, eat a vegetarian!


PICK UP LINES FOR VEGETARIANS

1. If I said you had the body of an all-natural, organic-living, animal-loving, environment-nurturing, whale-saving sex machine, would you hold it against me? Please?
2. Could you help me out? I'm trying to decide if I want to keep these new hemp sheets, but I need a second opinion.
3. Your organic cotton t-shirt looks really soft. Can I feel it?
4. What's your favorite thing to do with agave nectar?
5. Do you like my new skirt? I love pleather but it makes me all hot and sweaty.
6. Wanna come up and see my Vitamix?


If God didn't want us to eat meat He wouldn't have made animals out of food.

You have inspired me to change into my dress of woven tofu and put on my lentil sandals then braid wheat into my hair







Cracked

CrackedGirl wrote:You have inspired me to change into my dress of woven tofu and put on my lentil sandals then braid wheat into my hair

CrackedGirl wrote:

LOLOLOLOLOLOL !!!!!!!!!!

Cracked

Hey ! I thought you're not suppose to eat anything with a face.!!

Petrified and horrified veg are the exception

Cracked

CrackedGirl wrote:Petrified and horrified veg are the exception

Like this ??




-- Wed Feb 13, 2013 12:41 pm --

Oooh ! I found your car cracked !!!

LOL!

You just made me laugh whilst on the phone to my CPN hehehhe

Cracked

Why I made this thread......

Hugs

Cracked

PS This is nothing to do with veggieness but is to do with torturing plants