Vicious Cycle

New here! Thought I could share a little with you all.

I have been having trouble sleeping off and on for a little over a year now. I never thought I would experience Insomnia. I was diagnosed with GAD last year. Suddenly, things made more since to me. I was also diagnosed with MDD. I had hit rock bottom. I woke up one day and decided I didn't want to be here anymore. I thought the world would be better off without me.

My doctor put me on Cymbalta for MDD and GAD and on Clonazepem for panic attacks. It took me a few weeks to get used to this. I was still tired but I felt SO much better. I went from being high strung to pretty laid back. The only thing that kept getting worse was my insomnia. I finally went back to my doctor and told him, look, I am perfectly happy now, but I can't sleep. He told me to stop worrying about not sleeping. Easier said than done, doc! He gave me Lunesta to try and told me to just take it when I went to bed at night. For 1 week, I slept the BEST in my whole life. As soon as I would take the Lunesta, I would be out and I would wake up refreshed in the morning. Although, I did not like the taste in my mouth after taking Lunesta. I went back to the doctor and told him Lunesta stopped working. Well, I didn't know you weren't supposed to take a sleeping pill every night. It's just like anything else you take religiously, after awhile, it stops working. So, my doctor decided to write me a prescription for Ambien. He told me again to take this pill when I lay down in bed, not before bed. The first time I took Ambien, I had hallucinations. Did I listen to my doctor, well, not completely. I would take then about an hour before I went to bed. I started taking Ambien a few times a week and it was helping me sleep and stay asleep. But crazy things would happen when I took this pill. I couldn't even remember the next day if I took a pill that night or what happened. Thankfully, my husband was home the night I decided to sleep walk and walk outside. I would definitely feel groggy in the morning when I took Ambien. I wasn't getting enough sleep and sometimes, I don't even know how I made it to work. I stopped taking it so much and started taking it maybe twice a month. Earlier this year, I heard the report about sleeping pills causing Cancer and death. So, I think I am done with sleeping pills. I have tried Melatonin and I find that I keep taking more and more pills and I don't know if that was good for me or not.

I don't know what is causing me to not sleep good again. Of course it's the anxiety, but I just can't turn my mind off. I have been really stressed about work and I have been trying to change positions at work. I feel like I have lost all motivation at work and I just don't want to be there, but I HAVE to work. I have been really worried about money and I have been trying to get bills paid off. The noise at work is unbearable at times. The DRAMA is like high school. I have to put in my earrplugs and listen to my music all day just to make it through the day. I have requested to move to another desk, which is finally happening soon.

One of the side effects of the Cymbalta that I am on is night sweats. I take 60 mg of Cymbalta. I wake up almost EVERY night with night sweats. In the past month, I have had 3 nightmares. I have NEVER had a nightmare in my life. And if I did, I never remembered it. I know I have had night terrors.

Since being on Cymbalta, I do not drink alcohol like I used to. And when I do occasionally now, it's 1 or 2 drinks. That makes me SO sleepy. But a few hours later, I am wide awake again. I usually lay in bed and play on my phone until I get tired again. I toss and turn all night and huff and puff and I count sheep. 5 a.m. comes awfully early though.

While I am thankfully that I am not the horrible person I used to be, I just wished I could sleep like a normal person. If there even is such a thing. The obsessive yawning is not very attractive.

Thanks for listening.