Not in a good way at all...

hey

i'm a 31 year old guy from the uk. i've suffered with insomnia for around 15 years now, and while i could kind of deal with it when i was younger (overall higher energy levels i guess) the last 3-4 years have really been hard for me and it's only getting worse.

i've taken part in multiple sleep studies over the last few years with consistent results - 2.5 - 3.5 hours per night, levels 1 and 2, high levels of brain activity when sleeping, extremely sensitive to the presence of light and noise whilst sleeping and an extremely weak response to tamazepam (the only med i've ever been perscribed).
smoking a small amount of cannabis about 15 minutes before going to bed helps a little, but i 'self medicated' this way for years and don't see why i should have to spend the rest of my life sourcing and drugging myself with an illegal substance just to get the rest that others obtain naturally. i'm also not too crazy about the affect that i believe cannabis has had on my memory over the years, alongside the fact that smoking cannabis was what originally led me to start smoking cigarettes.

when i was younger (teens, early 20's) i couldn't get any doctor to take me seriously - they told me that i just didn't want to sleep - i was young and probably liked partying too much. things haven't gotten much better on the healthcare side of things over recent years - i've switched doctors a number of times and have been sent on the same basic sleep studies over and over with no actual progression on my case. i don't know what kind of behavior one is meant to display during sleep studies, but i always get told to sleep at 10:30 or 11pm and then get asked repeatedly "what's wrong?" and "why don't you just go to sleep?" when i don't drift off within an hour of laying in bed. when i do manage to drift off and wake up two or three hours later, i always get told to "just try and go back to sleep", normally followed an hour or so later by "why aren't you sleeping, is there something wrong?".

it's nuts. i wouldn't be taking part in sleep studies if i could sleep.

i've been on a waiting list to see a professor david nutt for almost a year now (google him) but i don't want to get my hopes up too high as i know there's no miracle cure for insomnia.

my behavior..?

well,

my caffeine intake is zero. i only drink water and normally consume a few units of alcohol every few weeks or so if i'm not too exhausted after work on a friday night. my job itself probably doesn't help matters, but my sleep issues began long before my current profession. i work as a television editor and broadcast engineer. my average day is 11-13 hours, i'm not subjected to much natural light and spend pretty much all day staring at multiple crt and lcd screens. my life (what there is of it) outside of the workplace also sees me spending a lot of time staring at screens - i'm a computer hacker and reverse engineer.

despite my lack of sleep, i can function normally and my productivity normally peaks between 10pm and 1am. my day job is highly technical, requires a keen eye for detail and is fairly high pressure but i carry out my often huge workload flawlessly - much to the amazement of my colleagues who know of my sleep issues. i often feel groggy between 1pm to 3pm, but work through it and feel myself really begin to wake up around 5pm. when i get home from work (normally around 8:30-9:30pm) rather than crash out i fire up my computer and work into the night on whatever takes my fancy.
i'll normally head to bed at around 2:30 - 3am and be out of bed again by 6:30-7am.

as i mentioned before, i aid myself getting off to sleep with a small cannabis joint, and i have gone through periods of using tamazepam. a while back i tried taking some resperidrone (not prescribed for me, naughty, i know, spare the lectures) but hated the effect it had on me, knocking me for six and feeling really woozy for a couple of hours after waking up - though it did send me off for 6 hours (woo!).

due to my working hours, i don't have the time (or energy) for exercise. i've always been naturally very very thin, but have lost even more weight over the last couple of years and i believe this is due to my lack of sleep (my diet hasn't really changed, if anything, i eat more than i used to - normally 4 large meals a day.

the way i'm feeling over the last few years in particular is far from good. i'm starting to feel quite depressed (although i think a portion of the depression fits in with other guys my age who are thinking about their careers and futures etc). i've been in a releationship with someone for 5 years now, and although she's very understanding and caring in general, i don't think she could ever understand how bad i feel physically on a daily basis. i used to be able to deal with this, but now i feel like i coming apart at the seams.

basically, i've thought about taking my own life numerous times over the last couple of years due to insecurities/stresses/self induced pressures which are all being compounded by my inability to sleep. smoking cannabis is nothing but an 'off switch' for my brain. it stops the dogs barking, as it were. just long enough for me to slip into unconsiousness while my brain's sedated.

doctors have told me in the past that i may suffer from delayed sleep phase syndrome as my circadian rhythms appear to be way out of balance, but i've yet to be officially diagnosed, which is why i'm waiting to see this professor nutt guy.. i don't really know what that will mean for me in the long term though. i'm learning more about blue light as a result of reading other people's stories here as i've known for a while that all of my computer usage cannot be good for me, but i can't help thinking that some of the gadgets such as light bulbs and special glasses etc may just be a con to part desperate people like myself from my money.

i'll stop hammering the keyboard now - i've just realised i've typed a small essay - not really the first post i was planning on, but then again i don't know what i hoped to achieve by signing up here in the first place - just need people to talk to, i guess. anyone.

i'm falling to bits.

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this at the moment. One thing that you should try to 'hammer' into your head is that things are going to have to change if you want this situation to improve. The 'status quo' must be thrown out the window and you've got to treat your mind and body to a new regemine.

Can Isuggest that you try to come completely off the cannabis, for starters. I know that this will disrupt your sleep even further, but ultimately I feel that it is better for you. Also - sorry - I don't accep that you cannot go to the gym due to your work hours. i'm in research and my days can easily be 11-13 hours too, but I still manage to go to the gym once every 3 days. if you want to go and make yourself do it, then you'll find the time.

My 2 suggestions (above) might not be agreeable to you, but you have come here asking for help and I have laid out possibilities for you. Please think about applying them in your life, if even for a short while. Try going cannabis free for just one week and stivk with it, and take out a short-term gym membership. Just do a few minutes' run on the treadmill and then some weights.

Might I also recommend eating something light before bed, as the presence of food in the stomach promotes tiredness.

Take care and I hope that you improve..
Kevin

as far as the cannabis goes, maybe i wasn't clear.

i regularly smoked it before i started my sleep studies, but one of the conditions of me receiving any professional support at all is that i cut it out - i'm rarely able to smoke due to the frequency that i take part in sleep studies - cutting it out completely has worsened the situation - something my doctors have noted and that is why i'm prescribed tamazepam.

with regards to gym visits, i don't have the time or energy - believe it or not. the only chance i get to exercise is weekends - during the week i am far too exhausted. i don't get the chance to take long lunch breaks - none of my co-workers do either.

i'm not about to quit the industry that i've worked hard to begin building a reputation in, else the last 8 years of work would have been for nothing.

the latest i usually have a meal is around half past midnight... i didn't think that this is healthy anyhow, let alone eating even later than that..?

Hi,

Hi, the feeling of 'tiredness' during the week is, I find, an illusion. it can be a mental exhaustion that you are feeling, but there is energy there, trust me. If you are in a sedentary job, then your muscles won't get a chance to work to their full potential, and therefore they will never 'awake' fully. Going to the gym would help in doing this.

Regarding the food, the last I heard was that it doesn't matter when you eat. All that matters is how much you eat. The problem was that people were bingign late at night before bedtime and then eating breakfast, lnch, and dinner the next day. You could just as easily eat your breakfast and lunch as normal, and then dinner late at night, and still be fine.

Take care
Kevin

Quade_vis,
I completely sympathize. My experience nearly exactly mirrors yours except for the cannabis. I don't recommend doing anything illegal, but I am sad to hear something that was helping a little is not available to you.
I lost count of my sleep studies. They told me I wasn't sleeping, and my problem was not due to sleep apnea. However, they still insisted I used a CPAP since that is all they had to offer. It was a case of, when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. When the CPAP didn't work, they started prescribing antidepressants which made my problem worse. Of course, they blamed my eating habits, work habits, and even criticized the type of exercise I was doing. They did not like weight lifting for some reason. In utter exasperation, I snapped at them, "I see. The science is perfect, and the doctor is infallible, so it must be the patient's fault." I don't recommend saying that to their face. It got me kicked out of the doctor's office. It was not even original. I heard it from a pre-med student in college and he heard it from one of his professors.
First, you are not crazy, and second, this is not your fault. The fatigue is what happens when you don't sleep. I know that first hand. I also know that the doctors are pretty much in the dark on what causes insomnia or what to do about it.
There are some things you can try that could provide partial improvement. Much of the problem is that there is no solution that helps everyone. You have to experiment. Unfortunately, you continue to suffer through the insomnia during the failed experiments. At least there are some things to try.

Melatonin is a very legal, over the counter supplement that helps some people, but not everyone. There are many herbals that might help including valerian root, passion flower, coffee cruda (not related to coffee) and others. There are many mixtures of herbs that are available. Most seem to have the same ingredients, but try different brands. The effects of one brand compared to another can be dramatically different.

Chamomile tea before bed can be helpful. Warm milk is also a favorite.

Some people have racing thoughts and can benefit from meditation. Even without racing thoughts, meditation may still help.

Try cooling the bedroom. Many people sleep better in a cool room. A dark room can also be important. Try getting a sleep mask.

I had your symptoms for 15 years before accidentally discovering that placing a cold compress on my forehead allowed me to take a nap. I now sleep with cold packs wrapped in a towel to keep my head cool. (not frigid) I get 7 hours of sleep most nights, and I have dreams for the first time in 15 years. It is a very unusual solution, and it does not seem to work for many people. That's the problem. Each person seems to require a unique solution, and the medical community is not set up to deal with it. They look for things that help most people then recommend it to everyone.

There is some very interesting research underway that could eventually lead to some treatments for insomnia, but 'eventually' is not when we need to sleep. Until then, experiment. I hope one of these things helps or even better, that one your experiments helps a lot of other people.

best wishes
GaryM

What about sleep deprivation therapy?