Self-abusive insomnia

I'm just kind of wondering if anyone else has had this kind of experience. It's pretty weird and illogical. I have insomnia but I don't really try and fix it. I hate having insomnia, don't get me wrong, and it's caused an absolutely enormous amount of damage in my life ..

I mean it's 5 in the morning as I write this. What I do is I stay up because I have the classic type of insomnia where I just don't get tired at the end of the day, but then I procrastinate going to bed even longer because I can't stand lying in bed trying to get to sleep, and then finally, for some strange self-abusive reason that I can't figure out, I stay up longer even after I feel exhausted and I know I'd be able to get to sleep. Usually I'm just on the internet or reading, it's never because I actually have something important to be doing. So, my body might be ready to go to sleep at like 2:30 but I could end up staying up until 7. Regardless of if I have to get up at 8:30. And after 3 or 4 days where I've only gotten a few hours of sleep each night, I over-compensate and sleep through an entire day. (And it's always a whole day, too, not a whole night.) This never helps the pattern but I still do it. I know how unbelievably debilitating whole thing is for me, but I always fall back into it. I'm just wondering if anyone relates to this whatsoever??

Hi,

What times do you eat your meals at? - That might have something to do with why you feel so alive at night-time. Its' funny though because I also never really feel like going to bed and sometimes stay up until 4AM at weekends. However, what I do is eat a light meal late at night whenever I'm about to go to bed, and this makes me tired. Eating food promotes the release of hormones that make you tired.

I don't eat in the hours before I end up going to bed. I think I would find it more difficult to sleep if I were either too hungry or too full. I've never found that food makes me tired ... doesn't food give calories, i.e. energy, that the body is meant to use to get through the day? Not to sleep off?

What happens is that the food stays in your stomach over night, actually, but th body still produces the hormones that make you tired. I literally fall asleep within 2 minutes of getting into bed these days because of this 'tactic'. If you do actually decide to give it a go, then let me know if it wotks. You don't have to fill yours stomach though! - Just eat a slice of bread or something. You weon't be putting calories on as such because the food just lies in your stomach until the morning.

You mentioned that you normally procrastinate or simply idle around. I don't have insomnia but I do find that I go through the same cycle; on a bad day (or should I say, morning), it will be somewhere between 3-5am and although I've planned something important to do, I never end up doing it and end up postponing my usual time to sleep. Now, on a good day - I'll end up doing that important or exhausting thing (whatever it may be: study, reading something productive, exercising, talking on the phone) and I'll fall asleep right after that.

Maybe it's about doing something really productive or important before you usually fall asleep. Also, perhaps don't emphasise in your head that you're doing those things simply to fall asleep thereafter. Don't lie in bed. Don't even think of sleep. There's heaps of things that you can do in your extended awake period. Since you have time to do things, why not try to do them.

How long have you had insomnia for?

Actually I usually get important things done earlier in the night, and then feel like I haven't had time to myself yet, so I stay up late even if I'm already tired. I've had insomnia for maybe 10 years. I don't remember life without it. However, this "extra" staying up extends beyond the insomnia. My insomnia might even be manageable if I could get over this unexplainable need to make it worse.

babyfirefly wrote:Actually I usually get important things done earlier in the night, and then feel like I haven't had time to myself yet, so I stay up late even if I'm already tired. I've had insomnia for maybe 10 years. I don't remember life without it. However, this "extra" staying up extends beyond the insomnia. My insomnia might even be manageable if I could get over this unexplainable need to make it worse.

This behaviour could be due to an OCD-type of behaviour. Did you ever look into that? I only mention this because I have real issues getting into bed, but only due to my damn OCD. Once I actually get into bed I fall asleep within minutes.

Chucky wrote:

babyfirefly wrote:Actually I usually get important things done earlier in the night, and then feel like I haven't had time to myself yet, so I stay up late even if I'm already tired. I've had insomnia for maybe 10 years. I don't remember life without it. However, this "extra" staying up extends beyond the insomnia. My insomnia might even be manageable if I could get over this unexplainable need to make it worse.

This behaviour could be due to an OCD-type of behaviour. Did you ever look into that? I only mention this because I have real issues getting into bed, but only due to my damn OCD. Once I actually get into bed I fall asleep within minutes.

Really? That's interesting, I've never given it a thought. I have OCD tendencies but not too badly. What kind of OCD do you mean, I can't really think of how it could be associated with problems getting to bed.

I never fall asleep within minutes unless I'm so exhausted that I can't keep my eyelids open. This is actually my prime suspect so far for why I prolong the insomnia ... because I detest lying in bed unable to get to sleep.

babyfirefly wrote:I never fall asleep within minutes unless I'm so exhausted that I can't keep my eyelids open. This is actually my prime suspect so far for why I prolong the insomnia ... because I detest lying in bed unable to get to sleep.

At least that's a start. The bed's for sleeping in and if you find yourself unable to get to sleep shortly after lying in bed, most likely a sign that you're not tired enough or your body and mind is too stimulated.

I would suggest that you use that extended period of wakefulness, i.e. your insomnia-driven time to do additional things. You mention that unless you're exhausted, you have trouble going to sleep. Perhaps, it's not really about trying to eliminate or reduce the impact of insomnia but to concentrate on exerting yourself to the point where you are inclined to go to sleep.

There's plenty of things to do when you can't sleep. Firstly, it's about mentality. There should be no room for procrastination. Whenever I can't get to sleep, I always make sure that I'm not simply surfing the net or doing something that won't tire me.

My mate has been a longtime insomniac. For whatever reason, he now incorporates his insomnia into his lifestyle. He's managed it well. He knows that it's there and he's tried to deal with it. Instead of being at home when he's normally awake, he has a after-hour job. It's probably difficult to grab a job like this but it sure would keep you occupied and possibly more susceptible to sleeping when you get home in the morning. Just a suggestion.

Let us know how it goes. I can't relate fully because I'm don't have insomnia but still interested to see if anything works at all for you.

Hope this helps.

babyfirefly wrote:Really? That's interesting, I've never given it a thought. I have OCD tendencies but not too badly. What kind of OCD do you mean, I can't really think of how it could be associated with problems getting to bed.

I never fall asleep within minutes unless I'm so exhausted that I can't keep my eyelids open. This is actually my prime suspect so far for why I prolong the insomnia ... because I detest lying in bed unable to get to sleep.

It can happen like this: If you have an OCD mind, then by staying up late for even a few nights in a row, you become too familiar with it and end up feeling as if you HAVE TO stay up late each and every night. Even if you've something important to go to in the morning, you're OCD prevents you from going to bed. Of course, it can occur in this way too: When you feel that you have to do certain tasks before going to bed each and every night, no matter what. Such tasks could be virtually anything including cleaning something, checking emails even if they've already been checked, reading the paper, eating something (the same thing) each night, etc.

Kevin