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Struggling with fear of SFI due to increased insomnia

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Struggling with fear of SFI due to increased insomnia

Postby CoffeeBird » Fri Aug 10, 2018 6:07 pm

To start this whole thing off, I am 24 years old and have had on and off insomnia for about a good 10 years, that insomnia typically was just me having trouble falling asleep, 3-5 hours in bed and then eventually I'd pass out for 6-9 hours.

Recently however there has been a change. Two weeks ago in fact, I was getting ready to head to bed and as I was lying down I experienced hypnic jerks, not just one or two, a large amount that made me eventually give up and get back up. I wasn't too concerned as I had hypnic jerks before, and tried to ignore the issue. Hours later I attempted to fall asleep once more, only to once again experience hypnic jerking that kept me awake. I finally managed about 2 hours of sleep, but the entire ordeal left me a bit rattled.

I decided to take two Zzzquil (so 50mg of Diphenhydramine HCl) that allowed me to fall asleep, I slept 11 hours that night. However it was broken up into 4hrs - 3 hrs - and 4 hrs again, so it wasn't a full 11 hours.

The following week was a lot of the same, with me sleep anywhere from 5-8 hours of broken sleep. I tried to rationalize that I was at least sleeping, I wasn't feeling tired the next day, and I was remembering my dreams so obviously I was entering REM sleep, and was sleeping long enough to go through a cycle or two of sleep. But the fear that this could mean something else always was lingering in the back of my mind. I would take Zzzquil off and on, and it did help me become drowsy, but it didn't knock me out or anything like that. I was also experiencing having to throw off the covers at night because I was getting too hot.

However this week seems like an entirely different beast and I am currently terrified. I have slept 5hrs, 3hrs, 9hrs (took 50mgs - still broken sleep), 2hrs, and 4hrs. The last two nights have been especially brutal. I try to fall asleep but get woken up by the hypnic jerks that had been gone for the last two weeks. I jolt and kick and twitch until finally I'm too buzzed and awake to fall into deep sleep, then I kind of just lay there zoning in and out of sleep but not actually feeling rested.

Bringing this all back to my fear of SFI, I'm a hypocondriac by nature, I've been scared of a whole bunch of things in the past but this one is getting increasingly hard to shake off the less sleep I actually manage to get. My brain is trying to rationalize things but all the while my chest gets tight with unbridled anxiety and by the time night rolls around I'm just in a full blown scare that I won't be able to sleep. I even tried taking 25mg's but all it did was make me drowsy and zone in and out of sleep, it didn't actually help me stay asleep.

I'm super terrified. I've tried to fix my sleep hygiene, I don't drink coffee anymore, I do exercise, listen to meditation, and nothing seems to stick. Right now I'm physically exhausted but mentally buzzed and I just want one good night.
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