i think my aunt is a hypochondriac. but i am not sure. help?

I had heard people in my family say that my aunt makes things bigger than what they are, but I never noticied it myself until I moved in with her. My aunt is 42 years old, and I have been living with her for the last four and a half years. When I moved in she had gotten into a car accident the year before, and had been out of work for a little while, and was just going back to work around when I moved in. I was there to help her because she was having issues doing day to day things, like cleaning, she'd get tired, her back woukd hurt, and she asked if I could help her out because after working all day fixing computers she didn't feel like doing all of those things. Now after awhile, she started to take off days of work, and just stoped going all together because she complained of back/shoulder pains and bad headaches. She would go to the doctors alot, and they would give her pain meds, and she went in for surgery on her arm. But after that, it seemed to get worse. And I started noticing things, i never noticed before. After she stoped working and tried to get disabilty, she would only get these pains and headaches if she had to do things. Like being ask to pick someone up from the airport, that mourning she would wake up with a big headache and her shoulder would be in so much pain she'd take meds and just lay down and sleep the day away. Or if there was a family wedding, she would be fine the night before, wake up and be in so much pain she couldn't go, but then half way threw the day, be up playing videogames or on the computer perfectly fine. I figured it was nothing and just ignored it for then. But after she got denied disablity the first time, she started getting sick for other reasons.

The headaches got worse, and then she started to say she would spend days not sleeping, and would see things that arent there. But I would come home from work and she would be asleep on the couch or in her room, but she would still tell people she wasn't sleeping. She started making apointments for doctors, for her pains, and headaches, and anything else alot more. She would go to the doctors for reasons I like a a bruise that wasn't healing fast enough. Or even her skin was feeling way to dry, or even she went to the doctor because she swore she had bad acne. She had one of those dry erase calendars on our fridge and every week is filled with a new apointment to some kind of doctor. And it started to worry me, because she was always sick or in pain, but it only got really bad, if she had some kind of responsablity. And her having me do things around the house got more and more. It started off with just carying things down to the basement to wash clothes, and picking up things she thoguht was to heavy. To carrying a jug of milk because it would hurt, or even carrying a bag of fast food because she couldnt handle holding it. And if I wasn't home to get the basket of towels from the basement and she did it, she would be in bed for days in pain. But no doctor could do anything for her. And she was still trying to find things wrong, and still trying to get disablity. I was working to surport both of us, because I felt bad. But lately, mostly in the last year, it got worse. She couldnt aford to go to all these doctors apointments, and she ended up losing health inserence from her old job she was going off the tempary disablity from, that they told her she can work, and should work. She couldnt go to any of her doctors apointments for about two or three weeks and she got really depressed, so depressed she started saying she had no reason to live. Everyone thought it was because she had no money, but she was freaking out because she couldnt go to the doctors. Shes never admited it, but I've seen her only panic when she cant go to the doctors because an apoitnment was moved, or cancled, or she couldn't aford the co-payment. So I knew why she was depressed. I tried to get her out of the house, and doing things, I even bought us tickets to a baseball game, and that day of the baseball game, she had to much pain in her side, and a bad headache and couldnt go.

I couldn't ask her about it, I knew she'd freak out, so I went to my other aunt, and told her, and she told me, that she had been like this since she was a kid. Whenever someone in the family got sick, right after, my aunt would get sick too, or even more sick. She never got a little headache, she would get a big headache. She even droped out of school because she was always sick or panicing. And thats when I really noticed, that whenever I got a cold, or was sick, or even allergies, soon after, my aunt would tell me I got her sick and just sleep the day away.

I don't know whats wrong with her, and like i said I cant really ask her about it because shes so sensative. Shes a great person, just there is always something wrong, and I can't do anything about it. Shes already been out of work for almost four years. Her husband left her, and she has no friends. Because there is always somthing wrong. One of my friends said maybe shes a hypochondriac, but I am not sure, and its getting harder and harder to live with her. But I feel like I am the only person she has, and I cant just go. But I want to help her, I'm just not sure how.

can anyone give me some advice on how i should go about this? if she is or isnt? thanks.

Hi,

No-one here can diagnose her, as none of us are professionals. There are ways to stem this 'tide' though, such as no longer doing any chores for her. No matter what state the laundry or whatever comes to, don't do it for her. If yu take this approach, you'll actually be 'training' her and turning her 180 degrees in the right direction. Hypochondriac or not, what's happened is that she's learned from her youth, teenage years, and even adulthood that she can get awy with this. That's why she is the way she is today - i.e. because there have always been caring people like yuo around to sympathise with her about her 'illnesses'. Well, she now needs someone authoritative who will NOT listen to her moaning aech day.

Adopt the hard line; as this must stop for both her and your benefit.

Kevin

Hi there. The description of your aunt's behaviour is identical to my mother's. i wish they could be helped.